Relationship overthinking

[Thinkingtoomuch]

Hi there

ive noticed recently, especially since the announcement of the second lockdown in England that my ocd has gotten significantly worse in terms of my relationship.

the first national lockdown in England, me and my ex girlfriend didn’t see each other for that whole period, we met up as restrictions eased and everything felt fine however the damage had already been done as she started to like someone else, which meant that I broke up with her, it was a messy break up as she seemed to have a mental breakdown at the thought of me mentioning not being in her life anymore and stuff like that. It took a little while but I eventually got myself out there on tinder again where I met my current girlfriend. This relationship so far has felt so much better than the last six months of my other one and we seem to care about each other a whole lot. Everything has felt normal, however the after the second lockdown has started I can’t help but feel like it’s history repeating itself and it scares me. During the first couple weeks of this second lockdown my girlfriend was going through a really emotionally distressing situation which meant that she’s been distant with everyone, which is totally understandable and valid, but my ocd has really been kicking my ass about it, then the week after that we are basically in a bubble at this point so we decide to see each other, she warned me before I came that she was worried that she wouldn’t be good company as she could feel herself going into a bad headspace again, I told her I didn’t mind because I wanted to see her and help her out in anyway I could. The plan was I’d be there for two weeks and come home at the end of jan, however that didn’t go to plan. The first 5 days I was there were great, everything felt like normal and it relaxed my mind a lot about the whole situation. However the next couple days after that felt very strained and she felt distant from me, she warned me about this so I feel like I shouldn’t be so anxious about the whole situation but my ocd is really ******* with my head at the moment, overthinking every little thing as everyone here is probably familiar with. Anyways I went home a week earlier as she had to sort some uni stuff out before she’s goes back and she had to sort her head out a little bit. I know I’m probably overthinking all this but it was such a flick of a switch situation, a couple days before all this she was telling me how much she loved me and that she wanted me in her future, I don’t know why I’m writing all this, I guess it’s just to put my feelings out there to try and feel better about the situation as I don’t want what we have to end as it feels so nice and special. I know the feelings mutual too, I just wish there was a way to calm my head down about the whole situation, my ocd doesn’t seem to be giving me a break recently and it’s making me feel so anxious. Any advice on how I can calm myself down would be appreciated, thank you .

[MarieJo]

Sorry to hear you're so stressed at the moment. You seem to be feeling very insecure which is not uncommon in a new relationship and especially when you have OCD. I have been in this place myself when I was in my 20s, it can make you ill. At the moment, with constant lockdowns, so many people are suffering in so many ways. Your girlfriend did tell you she's not in a good place at the moment so, as you pointed out, you did know that when you visited her. Has she told you what is troubling her?

I completely understand how unsettling this is for you, especially as your last relationship ended during a lockdown, however, you really need to try to give her space if that is what she is asking for and not bombard her, just let her know you are there if she needs you and that she has your support. What's meant for you won't go by you as they say.

Try to engage in activities you enjoy, I know it's hard at the moment but go for a run, read a book, connect with old friends. Try to concentrate on yourself and your wellbeing and hopefully when your girlfriend feels better you will reconnect and be close again.