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Partner over questioning and repeating himself - what can I do?!


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Hi,

 

ive never been on here before but I’m reaching out in hope that I can get some advice on how to help my boyfriend. 
 

His OCD has been quite a significant factor in our relationship however his OCD has recently come to light which explains some of his actions during the first part of our relationship. During the start of our relationship he was obsessed with my past, what people I had slept with, my ex partners, wanting to know every detail of people- and it drove me insane as I felt this was unnecessary and irrelevant to our relationship. I have always felt like he hasn’t always trusted me and doubted everything I said (even though he has no reason at all to not trust me) and I’m not sure what I can say or do for him to stop these doubts??

recently we have brought a house together and his OCD has become a lot worse, to the point where we are arguing a lot and it’s getting me down. He has a habit of asking me a question, I will answer, he’ll ask me again, and il give him the same answer, he’ll repeat back to me what I said and then ask me again in a different way. This happens with most of our conversations now and I’m finding it really hard not to snap at him and get annoyed. I feel like our relationship won’t work if it carries on. 
 

he has been to the doctors once- where he just went through ways of combatting the habit, and the doctors told him that I need to be patient with him in order for him to help himself.... but my patience is wearing very thin and I find myself getting so annoying with him. 
 

is there anything I can do to help or what can I do to make it easier for him???

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Hi Lanc, welcome ? to the forum,

I'm glad you've found us. I'm so sorry your relationship's being put under so much strain..I think coping with OCD can sometimes almost be as hard on the sufferer's family as it is for the sufferer themselves. 

Do you know if your boyfriend's been able to get a formal diagnosis for the disorder tho? I really think it's important you both get that confirmation if he hasn't. It's not unusual unfortunately for the disorder to latch onto people's relationships (and to change tack)  and the repeated questioning certainly conforms to compulsive behaviour, but I think you need to get that diagnosis in place to know for sure his behaviour with the questioning over your past is down to the disorder.

With that in place, from there he'll need much more support than a single doctor's visit by seeing a qualified CBT therapist. They'll help him work on cutting down...to the point of completely stopping the compulsions involving you. To help him you'll also have to make a pact not to answer any questions. That's obviously going to be very difficult, but usually when people know it's being  done with their best interests at heart they're able to accept it, and move forward in their own recovery. 

I'm not sure if you're UK based? If you are the charity created this GP Icebreaker to help open up a chat with them, it might be worth showing it to your boyfriend before going back to them and asking for a referral with a view to access CBT, or maybe another one in the Practice:

https://www.ocduk.org/gp-ice-breaker/

They might try to fob him off by offering only medication, but hold firm with the referral.

OCD's a horrible disorder to deal with, but with good help it's definitely possible to overcome, but you also need to look after yourself too until he gets well again. Please don't lose sight of that while you're helping him through this.

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