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New to these forums - Hi everyone!


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Hi everyone, it's my first time posting on an OCD forum. I've kept my OCD hidden from most people for about 20 years now so to be talking about it to actual humans feels very strange!

I am not medically diagnosed with OCD, but going by the symptoms, I believe that I have 'just right' OCD. Over the years, I have followed rules, and carried out rituals and routines to try to make my life easier. I also dislike the numbers 6, 13 and 26 and avoid doing things 6, 13 or 26 times, if possible. I am worried that if I do not follow a rule or perform a ritual correctly, or do something a certain number of times, that someone in my family will become ill or die, or that things will just not be right. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist, and do question if this is down to the OCD, or me just wanting to have everything a certain way. 

At the end of 2019, I went through a break-up with my boyfriend of 5 years. He didn't want to be with me anymore and walked away, and started seeing someone new quite soon after we broke up. I believe that my OCD was partly to blame as I concealed an intrusive thought from him for much of the relationship, and it was because of this thought I didn't truly commit to him - I was wanting professional help to overcome it, but never sought out the help. Although the break-up was amicable, it destroyed me and I'm still struggling to cope. I still love him and really miss him, his family and friends, and the life that we shared. My OCD has become worse over the last year - more so that it has been for a long time. Everything I try to do to move forward with my life e.g. get a gym membership, go on a solo trip, try to adopt a more positive mindset, always gets affected by the OCD. 

The main reason I have turned to this forum today is that recently I finally began to feel more positive about things, but I've now convinced my brain that the moment this started to happen was when I thought of the number 26 (one of the numbers that I dislike). Because of this, I now believe that my 'new' life is starting on this 'negative number', and I feel that it will forever haunt me and cause anxiety. I guess I wanted everything in my life to be 'just right' and now I can't go back and change the past. 

I hope that all of this kind of makes sense. Hopefully it will to other OCD sufferers. I wonder if anyone else has dealt with this kind of problem and/or has any guidance as to how I can best move forward with my life?  

Thanks in advance.

Sarah

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Hi @SarahW,

Welcome to the forum! What you're saying certainly sounds familiar so I can understand how much distress all this must be causing you. This is definitely something you can overcome, but it takes work. Would you consider getting professional help?

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Hi @malina

Thanks for responding. 

Yes, I have considered getting professional help. I would prefer to speak to someone face-to-face but obviously the pandemic is stopping us from doing that at the moment. I thought that maybe reaching out on this forum might be a good starting point and keep me going for the time being. Have you sought professional help? Was it useful? 

Sarah

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On 09/02/2021 at 19:33, SarahW said:

Hi @malina

Thanks for responding. 

Yes, I have considered getting professional help. I would prefer to speak to someone face-to-face but obviously the pandemic is stopping us from doing that at the moment. I thought that maybe reaching out on this forum might be a good starting point and keep me going for the time being. Have you sought professional help? Was it useful? 

Sarah

Hi,

yes I have done CBT and ERP twice with two different therapists and found it really, really helpful both times! The first time was when I had just been diagnosed so I really had no idea what I was dealing with, so it was a steep learning curve and got me back on my feet. I was doing well for a long time but had a relapse about 2 years ago and sought therapy again, which has gotten me into a much better place. I definitely recommend it, even if you can't do it face to face, waiting lists can be very long so I'd reach out as soon as possible so that you at least start the process.

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