Ruining things.

[ecomum]

I believe my ocd comes from my mum  (nature and nurture) when I was a kid she would ruin things like we'd have fun in a pool (if she ever let us in one) by later panicking us that it was contaminated or removing sweets she bought us because she thought we'd catch something from them.

Luckily, unlike her, I am aware that this happens to me and that I could ruin things for my husband and children. I try not to voice my worries and spoil things for them but its so hard.

Does anyone have any tips how I can be strong and not 'say it '  please and cope while it passes.eg. my children go in the pool, eat the sweets or I have a drink with my husband etc etc .saying it relieves the ocd but I really don't want to ruin things which should be nice for my family.

Thanks for reading .

[MarieJo]

No, I don't have any tips but you have a massive advantage on your mum by recognising the link between OCD and passing on your anxiety and worries to your children. The fact that you are so aware means you will do your very best not to impact on them. It won't be easy and bits of you OCD will undoubtedly slip through. I inherited my anxiety and OCD from my mother who has never really acknowledged she has it. I then unwittingly passed it to my eldest child. He went through a stage at age 4 of washing his hands relentlessly because of germs, then he would not touch anything including food in case of germs and would put his mouth to his food. The scariest part of it was when aged 8 he developed a fear of choking and would not eat anything and lost lots of weight.

Ironically my OCD has never been about germs or contamination but i am a big worrier about harm coming to my loved ones and see danger in everything associated with them. My son went to therapy and in his own words he told the therapist "my mum loves me too much". It was the first time i really stepped back and saw that i was passing on my rubbish to him. I was smoothering him and passing on all my fears.

 I try really hard now to watch what i say to my kids. I still struggle with anxiety myself massively. You have recognised early that OCD and anxiety can, and will, be passed on to our children and that is a very important and significantin itself.

 

[ecomum]

Thanks for reply Mariejo .it definitely helps that I am aware and live in times where mental health is not taboo like it was for my mum. I have 5 kids and 2 of them have degrees of this but we are always open and discuss it.

I try so hard not to pass it on and often succeed. I remember the damage she did me was far worse than bacteria on a sweet could have done.

Thank you  x