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Feeling very alone


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Hi.

I am really struggling at the moment and I feel very lonely because of my OCD. I'm quite private about it for fear that talking about my intrusive thoughts will make something bad happen. 

I get quite panicky when I stop and think about how much the OCD has taken from me over the years and even though I know having this disorder isn't my fault I still feel a lot of shame. 

I worry what people must think because I still live with my parents, but they just don't know the difficulties I've had with my OCD over the years and how this has prevented me living independently for various reasons. 

I guess I just wanted to reach out to feel less alone, but also to ask how others feel about opening up about their OCD with people. I have moments where I think it would be so much easier to be open about it, but then I get anxious and think it would only make me feel more vulnerable and probably create more obsessing/ruminating.

Anyway thank you for listening to me. 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Lostsoul said:

Hi.

I am really struggling at the moment and I feel very lonely because of my OCD. I'm quite private about it for fear that talking about my intrusive thoughts will make something bad happen. 

I get quite panicky when I stop and think about how much the OCD has taken from me over the years and even though I know having this disorder isn't my fault I still feel a lot of shame. 

I worry what people must think because I still live with my parents, but they just don't know the difficulties I've had with my OCD over the years and how this has prevented me living independently for various reasons. 

I guess I just wanted to reach out to feel less alone, but also to ask how others feel about opening up about their OCD with people. I have moments where I think it would be so much easier to be open about it, but then I get anxious and think it would only make me feel more vulnerable and probably create more obsessing/ruminating.

Anyway thank you for listening to me. 

 

 

 

I know exactly how you feel at least in terms of feeling alone because of ocd. Its something that people dont seem to understand fully, the torment, I dont really have much advice because Ive always been open about mine to some degree, but tbh with you, unless people thoroughly understand the condition they don't seem to be able to help much. Infact I just end up getting frustrated with the fact that they reduce alot of my stuff to "rubbish". It is a sad lonely place to be in theres no doubt about it. I just live in hope that one day, I will overcome it...

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Hi Humbleno1,

Thank you for your reply. It's good that you feel comfortable enough to be open with people about your OCD, but that's upsetting to hear that they don't seem to take it seriously. ?

You're very right about the torment of it, it's constantly there and is just pure torture isn't it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I personally do not tell many people about my OCD. I have tried in the past but they either look at my blankly, as they just don't get it, or assume i must be neat and tidy and day something annoying. For me it's a personal battle i have fought on and off for a long time and one only i can fight and conquer. I am not ashamed anymore of having the issue. I just chose not to share because of the lack of understanding 

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Hi MarieJo,

Thanks for your reply. I have told a few people in the past, but that was when I was doing a lot better with my OCD. Since then my OCD has gradually got worse and now I regret having told anyone as I often obsess and ruminate about what I actually said.

I am a lot more vague about it now and usually just label it as anxiety and depression for those that I haven't already told it's OCD. I just get myself worked up sometimes worrying about who knows what about me and I often practise future scenario conversations in my head incase anybody quizzes me about my OCD and what I might say to them. 

 

 

Edited by Lostsoul
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Hi Lostsoul

I totally get where you're coming from, I went back to live with my parents in my mid thirties because of OCD and PTSD.  I'd left home quite young and lived a pretty independent life up till then so it was very hard.

They secret is not to indulge those thoughts about what others think but that's way easier said than done particularly when you're struggling.

I 'came out' with my OCD to all my Facebook friends a few years ago, it was a huge step and one I'd discussed with my therapist.  For me it was important to speak out and not feel like I'm being silenced, so I decided it was important for me to do it.  I got a lot of nice messages from people after that and some people contacted me directly to talk about their mental health issues which also helped me to not feel alone.  For me it was also very empowering and a form of opening up to being vulnerable and by opening up to others, it gives them the opportunity to open up themselves as well as giving support to me.     

That all said, I do have anxious moments where I worry about having said it and if some people see it negatively, but I have to remember if that's what they think, if I ever found out they view me in that way, I would ditch them as a friend.

Happy to talk some more about this.

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Hi OB1,

I really appreciate your reply and it's reassuring to know I'm not the only person out there to be living with parents in my thirties! Are you living independently again now?

I think it's brilliant that you made that move to open up about your OCD to so many people; it's a brave move and I imagine it felt quite liberating too.

I'm not sure I'd have the courage to ever be as open as that with so many people, but I admire you for doing so as it can only improve awareness about OCD.

It's so encouraging to hear you had such positive feedback from people, that's the kind of response we need.

I'm having a tough day today with my OCD, but I'm trying really hard not to engage with my intrusive thoughts. I hope you're having a good day.

 

 

 

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Hi Lostsoul 

Sorry you’re having a tough day, I know exactly how you feel, intrusive thoughts about harming others was a big problem for me for a long time.  Sadly it lead to me ending a few romantic relationships as well as stopping me from doing the things I wanted to do.  I was petrified to talk about it for years.  I was convinced I’d act or acted on my thoughts on many occasions and would spend literally years going over things in my mind every waking hour and it caused some very traumatic experiences along the way. 
 

Yes I’ve got my own house and have lived a few hundred miles from home for 10 or so years. I’ve established my life in the southwest and have a good group of friends. Its not perfect and I had a big setback  two years ago but I asked for help and accepted all of it and I know some people helped me because I’d opened up a few years before that. I was in a pretty bad way so my mum came to look after me for six weeks so I could stay at work, I should really have been off but in a way I think it helped me get better quicker. Probably the toughest time in my life as I had severe insomnia for a few months on top of constant anxiety from a combination of ocd and ptsd. I’m still not back to myself but I do ok and manage. 
 

Have you had any therapy? This should be your goal and someone who understands the problem.  

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Hi OB1,

It's awful how it affects so many aspects of our lives isn't it. For me it's got in the way of my studies in the past, job opportunities, forming relationships with people and like you I think it's also had a negative affect on any romantic relationships I've had too.

I'm pleased to hear you are managing well at the moment though.

Yes I've had lots of CBT therapy over the years, but I think my OCD has got worse during this pandemic. 

 

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Sorry to hear that, COVID has caused a lot of fear and anxiety. 

I think therapy can be an evolving process a bit like high altitude mountaineers do, before summiting but over a much longer timeline.  They have to teach their bodies to adjust to the reduced oxygen levels over time so go up and down several times going higher each time until their body adapts to summit. 

Also some therapists are better at some aspects than others so may miss something, that's what happened to me with PTSD, possibly they were so focused on the OCD aspect they overlooked it.  I've had the symptoms for decades but it took the last therapist to pick up on it, two other therapists missed it.

Are your parents supportive?  Do they understand what's going on?  My parents supported me but I had a difficult relationship with my Dad who also had his own mental health issues so that added a lot of strain at times.

Things can improve, hold on to that. 

 

 

   

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Hi OB1,

Yes my parents are supportive and I think they understand to a degree, but they do get very frustrated with me at times. I seek a lot of reassurance from them, so unfortunately they get dragged into my OCD too. I do try very hard not to seek the reassurance, but the anxiety gets overwhelming and I just feel that I have to.

I'm currently trying to very very slowly taper off my medication simply because I can't tolerate some of the side effects and I don't think they really help with my OCD anyway to be honest. I have been feeling low lately but it's hard to know whether it's withdrawal, the pandemic or loneliness and the chances are it's probably a combination of all 3. 

Thanks for your words of encouragement. ?

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