Nugget Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 I emailed my therapist they are an OCD therapist btw for context as to if my thoughts of questioning “what if I’m trans gender.” Were legitimate questions of my identity, and he said that exploring identity is strongest at your age I’m 18 and that it’s normal. I think I’m actually done..I don’t want them to be true. I’m in despair right now... Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 This very well could be OCD. Sexual orientation/identity obsessions are quite common. How long have you been having these thoughts? Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 18, 2021 Author Share Posted February 18, 2021 I’ve had hocd for 3 years now the trans theme has been about a year.. these thoughts literally go nowhere except to me considering suicide is a way out. I’ve had other forms of OCD as well in the past. I was a big Religious ocd sufferer Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 Okay. So have you had CBT in the past? Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 This is the first OCD therapist I’ve been too so not really I did try it on my own for a while Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 This had to be some sort o misunderstanding Hopefully maybe the way I worded stuff in the email? I hope because if it isn’t I don’t think I’ll try for another therapist it’s just not worth being hurt. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Whilst it may be normal for someone at your age to explore/wonder about sexual identity it isn't normally excessive or to the point where it causes extreme distress and anxiety. Perhaps it is the way you worded your e-mail but if your therapist has experience in treating OCD it should have flagged up that your worries are obsessive and your enquiry was one of seeking reassurance and certainty (a compulsion) As such, I'm not sure their response was the most appropriate one. Is this a therapist via the NHS or a therapist you've sourced privately? Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 It’s a private therapist Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 Even if it is normal at my age, my checking and worrying is not as bad before I got a therapist I was checking almost 7 hours a day sometimes even night looking through everything related to the obsession. It was extremely debilitating reason I went to therapy in the first place was that on some level I knew this wasn’t normal behavior. But even though I feel that it isn’t normal wanted thoughts I can’t stop worrying about that “what if”. So when an OCD therapist said that I absolutely freaked out. I’m still on some level deeply worried. I think my next session I will ask him about what he means by that or if he understood what I was asking in my email.. Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 I don’t feel like it’s normal for me considering I’ve had no issues with my identity my entire life up until now sexuality or otherwise. Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 19, 2021 Author Share Posted February 19, 2021 If someone could offer insight into this I would definitely appreciate it. As it is causing me a lot of stress. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Insight it what, specifically, nugget? Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 Is this all real? Am I in some sort of deep denial? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 I can't tell you if anything is real or not because I am not you. I'm not in your head. I can tell you that the number of people I've met online who had sexual orientation/gender identity obsessions is at least over a hundred. The number of people I've met who really were what they feated and were in denial is exactly zero. Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 But what if my therapist how do I respond to what he said? He said he doesn’t completely understand what I was talking about..maybe it was the way I worded my email? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 Well, you may not have asked the right question. Your therapist is right that it is perfectly normal for teenagers to go through a period of questioning their sexual identity. What you probably really wanted to ask is, am I really trans? Now any OCD therapist worth two cents wouldn't directly answer that question. It would be reassurance and that is helping you to do a compulsion. Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 “Yes I think so, but at the moment it seems your brain is trying to convince you that you must figure out your identity. It would be ok to ponder one’s identity, but it should be more a matter of choice, a voluntary activity. Instead it seems your brain is trying to force you to figure it out. Ask yourself if you could be comfortable contemplating who you are and not having an answer anytime soon. Does that feel comfortable or distressing? If it feels distressing, it is probably more related to your OCD.” I don’t think I can read objectively at the moment what does this mean? Am I genuinely going through and identity crisis? Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 That's a great answer and explains the stuation well. What your therapist is saying is that you aren't voluntarily exploring your sexual identity. A part of your mind is forcing you to do the exploring, and that is OCD. Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 20, 2021 Author Share Posted February 20, 2021 Thank you everything that my therapist seems to send me, my mind is like oh god it is real or he’s trying to say it isn’t ocd..it doesn’t seem like I can read objectively at the moment Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 No. Unfortunately your OCD mind is wired to see the worst and look for confirmation that your obsessions are true. Even when they're not. Now, try to set this aside today. Just don't deal with it. Go have some fun. Link to comment
Nugget Posted February 21, 2021 Author Share Posted February 21, 2021 One last thing is there any hope i can recover from this and look back on it and laugh at it? I’ve dealt with this 8 years untreated and I have this “hopelessness”feeling if you understand what I mean Link to comment
PolarBear Posted February 21, 2021 Share Posted February 21, 2021 (edited) Nugget, my OCD started when I was 11. I didn't seek help until I was 50. Took me about 18 months to recover. Never give up. Edited February 21, 2021 by PolarBear Link to comment
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