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I have been so afraid, so much guilt for not getting better. The feeling is that I am deceiving myself in not accepting that I am a monster. Where is the line in having toc and those damn viral responses and really being a monster? What if I'm a monster and I'm just in denial? Fooling myself? I can deal with thoughts, but when it comes with viral responses I just wish I could get away from myself. If I were sure it is not toc I would prefer to take my life. But I would also be afraid to hurt the people I know love me. But rather to die than to be trash in the world. I just wanted to have peace, to be sure, to have my life back.

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19 hours ago, MarieJo said:

É TOC e você não é um monstro. As sensações fazem parte do ocd tanto quanto os pensamentos. Suas compulsões estão mantendo seu ocd vivo e alimentando-o. 

I'm trying to avoid giving in to compulsions as much as possible. But it is so hard. It never seems to improve. 

 

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