Jump to content

How to get over my main obsession


Recommended Posts

So...I have suffered with OCD since i was around 10. I was always a worrier but after a traumatic event things got worse. I had intrusive thoughts which included thinking of inappropriate sexual things, fearing that everyone was a pervert, then convincing myself i was in fact one. I had harm ocd..i imagined i had hurt a lady at my work experience and when she was late in one day i thought maybe i had really done it..what relief when she showed up unscathed. I could not send a letter without opening it many times to check i didn't write something bad in it.  I had intrusive thoughts of dropping my newborn on the floor or throwing him into the sea etc etc....now fast forward 20 odd years...my main fear now is harm coming to my eldest child when he goes out. I imagine him being beaten up, stabbed and make myself feel sick so i text him to check he's ok..if he doesn't answer within 5 minutes i am on the loo with diarrhoea, heart thumping imagining him dead..I don't have many outwood compulsions anymore..mine are mostly internal..so is my imagining a bad scenario my obsession? Ruminating on the scenario my compulsion and texting him my compulsion? Now i totally get compulsions feed the beast and i tell others that too but what i struggle with is this....my old obsessions ie i had killed someone or would throw my son in the sea were totally irrational as i know i would never do that but as i live in London the fear of my child being stabbed is quite a possibility as it happens quite often so my fear does not seem irrational..so how do i get past this fear?

Edited by MarieJo
Link to comment

Hey @MarieJo

I totally get that a fear is harder to overcome when it seems realistic and rational. I think what you're describing are a lot of compulsions - texting him, calling him, ruminating. At the end of the day, it isn't going to be easy, but I think that you have to understand that you can't control everything. Firstly, if harm were to come to your son, you calling and texting wouldn't change a thing. You sitting at home worrying won't have any impact on the outcome. We are all exposed to potential dangers all the time, yet we can't possibly avoid everything. Ultimately, your son has to have a life of his own, go out, see his friends, go to school or work...you can't keep him at home with you and tracking his movements or worrying about them doesn't really do any good.

I also think that you have to trust him. I'm in London too and I don't see many crazed knife wielding killers running around. These stabbings happen under certain conditions (e.g. they are often gang related). So you've got to trust that you have raised your son to have enough common sense to stay out of trouble (and I'm sure you have!).

Are you this worried about yourself getting stabbed when you leave the house? If not, then maybe you can see that your fear isn't as rational as you believe it is.

I think you should try to reduce texting/calling when he goes out, because that can be quite stressful for him as well. And just work on accepting risk, there is always risk but if it wasn't him getting stabbed, it would be something else, and you can't control every single thing.

Link to comment

Thank you so much Malina. Everything you say is completely right. I do cause him stress and I have impacted on his life which is what ultimately made me seek help. I kind of accepted my OCD had impacted negatively on my own life and ruined parts of it but realised it was wrong to impact negatively on his and the fact that i probably have already fills me with so much guilt. Your post is very helpful. The therapist said something similar but I feel you have put it much better. As you also suffer from OCD yourself I am sure you realise how incredibly hard i find this but I know I have to let go. I really do need to do as you say and reduce my compulsions. I do feel like i need to be in control.. not in a bad way but to keep him safe but deep down I know that's not a healthy mindset. I never worry about myself in this way. It's because I love him so much but tbh it is making me unwell all the worry x

Edited by MarieJo
Link to comment

I even manipulated what universities he applied for as I could not face the fear of him being away. He got into Imperial college London which was his first choice and closer to home but i did influence his second choice away from what he preferred. I know i cannot keep trying to do this and it's not fair but i am so scared of him coming to harm. He is almost 19 but i struggle letting go. I sm actually enjoying lockdown as my kids are in isn't that bad x

Edited by MarieJo
Link to comment

You sound like a great mum @MarieJo, the fact that you realised how your OCD was affecting your kids and decided to seek help speaks volumes. But you do need to work on letting them go. At some point, they will all want to go away somewhere and you have to give them the freedom to live their own lives. I think it must be really hard when they are teenagers, though, because it's all quite new...they are getting new levels of freedom for the first time and they are still young and inexperienced, so it must be frightening for any parent to let them go. At the same time, these are such important years for them to learn who they are and make friends and have new experiences. I think you know what you need to do, you've just got to start taking the steps x

Also, congrats on him getting into Imperial, that is such a good uni!

Link to comment

Thanks again Malina. You have such a lovely way about you. You really are so empathetic and helpful. You would make the best therapist. Thank you for the congratulations. It was one of the proudest moments of my life when he got into Imperial. He wants to be a scientist. I really struggle with change. I did struggle with my OCD when the children were little but got it under control a lot easier than i can now with this issue. You are right, i do know what I need to do and hearing it from a fellow sufferer is helpful. I know therapists are knowledgeable but nobody knows what it's like to suffer from crippling anxiety and OCD more than a fellow sufferer x

Link to comment

Thanks for the kind words @MarieJo!! And I completely agree with you, I have found therapy really helpful but actually this forum is what has really gotten through to me. Just interacting with others who think and feel like you really brings the message home. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon xx

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...