OCD causing issues with trust

[maeme98]

Hi,

My boyfriend of almost 1 year suffers with OCD and intrusive thoughts and has done for a long time before I knew him. We have spoken at length about it and he has really opened up to me which he has never done with anyone else before. Since he told me about his OCD he has done so well and taken a big step in seeking CBT.

However, he is still in the early days of CBT and I know we have a way to go yet so his compulsions and thoughts are obviously still very present. 

The thing I am finding the hardest is that when he gets the thoughts and carries out compulsions, he tries to hide from me that he has done it. Despite talking hours at length about it and me reassuring him that he can always tell me and I will never judge him for it and he has absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, he still hides it. Even when I ask him direct he will lie about it and continue to lie until I keep asking and eventually he will tell me the truth.

Obviously I am aware that this is not something he wants to do and that ultimately it is the OCD making him say it but I can't help but feel hurt when he lies to me and it makes me have trust issues which I do not want to have because ultimately I love him and don't want his OCD to break our relationship. 

Any advice on what else I can do to try and encourage him to be honest or how to deal with situations where he hides things from me would be much appreciated. Im kind of at a loss of what to do now and its really affecting me.

Thanks

x

[Caramoole]

Perhaps don't push him too hard for now.  It's early days.  He may feel shame, embarrassment,  doubt, failure etc.  Just keep talking, keep the lines open....but let him work with the therapist  and build his skills & confidence.  Keep letting him know you're there & don't get involved with his compulsions.  If you see areas where he's making mistakes, by all means share....but give him a wee bit of time to get his head round this. 

Well Done though to you for being so supportive & proactive 

[Melie]

Hello, I have suffered from OCD nearly all my life. Hiding the compulsions that one does, may not just be a case of being ashamed. It is also possible to feel that one will be stopped doing the complusion by someone else. The compulsions are triggered by a hughe sense of fear and trying to stop something really bad from happening. Doing a compulsion in secret allows one to compensate for the feared consequence, with out others getting involved, who could potentially stop one form carrying out the compulsion.