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Son convinced he could be convicted


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Me again ?

So, my son has opened up to me to a certain extent. He tells me he did some really bad things as a teenager (though he won’t tell me what they are). To cut a (very) long story short, he feels he can’t move on without confessing to those affected. He also says he won’t divulge the details to a therapist as he thinks they’ll contact the Police.

We had a lengthy conversation this afternoon during which I explained that I was out of my depth in terms of advising him, and that he would need to open up to a therapist if he wants to get healthy again. He’s scared to do so.

I’m exhausted ? I almost want to tell him to just present himself to a Police Station. I think he’d soon find they have better things to do with their time...

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Hi Coco,

I suspect whatever it wasn't anywhere near as bad as he's convinced himself it is and, like you say, he'd soon find out the police aren't interested. But telling him that won't stop him ruminating over the guilt or change his belief that he's done something unforgivable that needs to be confessed.

Would he be interested in joining the forums? There are so many on here going through the same thing. Reading their concerns and the answers they are given by the community could help him get to the stage of trusting a therapist.

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1 hour ago, CocoChanel said:

Me again ?

So, my son has opened up to me to a certain extent. He tells me he did some really bad things as a teenager (though he won’t tell me what they are). To cut a (very) long story short, he feels he can’t move on without confessing to those affected. He also says he won’t divulge the details to a therapist as he thinks they’ll contact the Police.

We had a lengthy conversation this afternoon during which I explained that I was out of my depth in terms of advising him, and that he would need to open up to a therapist if he wants to get healthy again. He’s scared to do so.

I’m exhausted ? I almost want to tell him to just present himself to a Police Station. I think he’d soon find they have better things to do with their time...

 

whatever u do dont do that... I went to a police station and confessed it was a horrible experience for all involved it will stay with me for life, the police will probably take it seriously depending the severity. This will be an unpopular opinion but I really think you need to get it out of your son whats really going on. And I think you do that by making sure he knows you are not judging him and will be on his side regardless. Your sons situation sounds VERY similar to mine, when I was that age, and I lost 10 years, and alot of damage in this mess.

Pure ocd is very misunderstood, the police will not be kind to him, they werent to me. They are not psychologists, they ultimately will just try to cover there own back. If he even THINKS hes done something.

Mental health "help" nowadays, im sorry to say, is a very failed broken system, all revolving around covering there own back, not helping the patient, or misunderstanding the patient playing armchair psychologist, ive had it with nurses, extracting all the juicy details only to tell me, oh not sure what to say to you, you need a girlfriend. LOL!

Dont be so quick to offer up the responsibility of your son, his future etc to some governing body/authority, particularly the NHS they really arent all they are cracked up to be. In my opinion you dont want the stigma, or this becoming his identity find out whats going on fully and act from there. Your best bet is to go through this site to get him help, so you are not getting passed to some quack, that could honestly, seriously, ruin your sons life.

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I dont mean to come off as harsh here, but this resonates with me on so many levels, I had intrusive thoughts from being around 9, clearly compulsive behaviours and began getting sexual intrusive thoughts around 13/14 among many other intrusive thoughts, I many times felt helpless, constantly ritualising and acting like I didnt have a problem.

 

My ocd tendencies were pretty much ignored by my parents - quite blatant ones. At one point I tried to open up to my mother, none of us knew it was "ocd" at that point. I said I get bad thoughts hoping to lead onto the nature, because they were so distressing, she replied "they arent sexual are they?" I shut down instantly. I know your story is different but non judgement is so important. I have no doubt he is going through a hell of alot, and feels so very isolated.

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Keep talking to him Coco.  You must have read the extent of some of people's OCD fears on the forum.  Just how troubling, and even bizarre, they can be.  Share some of those stories with him.  Point him towards some good reading material.  "Pulling the Trigger" might be worth downloading onto one of his devices.

It's good to see you on his case......and (whilst being understanding & compassionate) toughening up a bit and pushing him a little.  You'd be suprised what secret fears we sufferers try and hide every day.  By dropping nuggets of similar information into conversations can help him to feel safe revealing bits a little at a time.

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Thanks for your replies.

10 hours ago, snowbear said:

Would he be interested in joining the forums? There are so many on here going through the same thing. Reading their concerns and the answers they are given by the community could help him get to the stage of trusting a therapist.

I have suggested he joins the forums as I, like you, think it would helpful for him to read about other people’s concerns. Right now he just seems to want to talk all the time (another compulsion, perhaps?).

6 hours ago, Caramoole said:

 

Keep talking to him Coco.  You must have read the extent of some of people's OCD fears on the forum.  Just how troubling, and even bizarre, they can be.

 

Absolutely, I will. And yes, if he won’t read the forum posts himself, I might just have to read them to him.

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