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How can I persuade my son to get help?


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HI, my son is 27 years old and has chronic OCD repetitions.  He know longer constantly washes his hands, he insists on wearing the same clothes every day, even though he makes sure that they are clean, they are mostly threadbare.  He will only eat the same foods daily, and use the same towel.  He struggles to use his phone even though he needs this for work too and when his convulsions are particularly bad, he starts touretting.

He moved out of home when he went to Uni at 18 and hasn't come home to live since other than regular visits.  He does hold down a good job but he finds this very stressful.  He has got to the point now where it is seriously affecting relationships with  his friends and family but he still thinks he has it under control and once lockdown is over, he will be fine.  I would say he has been getting progressively worse now for the last 6 years.  Recently he spoke to me saying he couldn't do it any more as he felt so trapped in his head.  I was very scared in case he was considering taking his own life (he has spoke of this before but never when he has been with me - he has always called when he is in London to tell me when I cant do anything about it, only get friends around to him and dash to make the 5 hour round trip to get to him asap).  The next day he says he feels better and says he can cope himself.  I feel I am on a nightmare rollercoaster ride.  Sometimes I feel he needs to be sectioned, then he seems Ok again but just showing his convulsions.  I really am at my wits end.  ON a particularly bad day, he says he will call his doctor, but he never does.  If I remind him, he gets very angry with me.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  How do you get a 27 year old to seek help when they don't live near you but constantly call you in desperation?  I am happy he is reaching out to me, I really am, but he wont get help.

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Hi Marie,

I'm sorry to hear your son is suffering and how much distress this is causing you.

It's very difficult to get someone to accept help if they aren't willing to admit the way they live is a problem. The first step is to try and help him see that although he may think he's got everything under control it is already affecting his relationships and most likely is affecting his ability to do his job as well. People can be trying so hard to hide their OCD that they get very good at fooling themselves nobody at work has noticed them struggling.

On the plus side he is reaching out to you which suggests he does want help, but maybe he is afraid of what 'help' will entail and worried he won't be able to do whatever will be asked of him.

Try to have a non-judgemental chat about why he's resistant to speaking to his doctor about therapy. You can tell him that it's ok, that you're not going to push him into anything against his will, but you'd like him to talk to you about what he thinks the obstacles are which make him not ready to start treatment. At least then he has to think about the resons he's stuck, which might help him decide what his priorities are, and whether therapy might help him achieve what he wants in life better than continuing as he is. It might also raise some issues which you are able to show him that though he perceives them as obstacles, they  are something he can work around/work towards.

Good luck!

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