OCD and loneliness

[BigDave]

I’m sure a lot of you guys and girls have felt the same way over time but I feel horribly and desperately alone at times. I know that my OCD has held me back along with other anxiety issues and depression. I’m single. I always have been if I’m honest with myself. I know I’m not perfect and I’m overweight too, something I’ve struggled with massively but even then, does that mean I deserve to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and family. But it’s not the same as companionship. I’ve tried online dating but it’s always been a bust. Just really sucks sometimes. 

[MarieJo]

Hi Dave. Sorry you feel so alone. Having friends and family around is great but as you say not the same as having a partner. You don't deserve to be alone, nobody does. Having OCD can make holding down a relationship tougher for some but it's possible. My OCD and anxiety along with overthinking held me back in relationships too. I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was almost 25 but I married him and 20 odd years later are still together. It's never too late to find love. Maybe join some clubs, it's been hard with Covid but things are slowly returning to normal. I would not give up on online dating. It's a good way to meet people. If your weight hinders your confidence maybe try to do some more exercising. I certainly feel emotionally better and more confident when I look better as well as feel healthier. Could you join a gym? As well as getting into shape it's a good way to meet people. Sometimes you get in a rut in life and have to be proactive and take the bull by the horns to turn things around. I know gyms can be expensive mostly but some are really reasonable!! Are you on medication for your anxiety and depression? If not visit the gp and ask for some advice. I hope things improve for you and you feel less lonely. Best wishes 

Edited April 5, 2021 by MarieJo

[BigDave]

Thanks MarieJo. I appreciate your response. I gave up on the online dating partly because I became obsessive about it. I was always checking it to see if I had any likes or messages and it just made me a little unhappy. As for the weight thing, even with exercise, I find it very hard to get weight off. Plus gyms cause me a lot of anxiety. There is also part of me that feels like I can’t be loved unless I’m thin. That really sucks to feel. 

[MarieJo]

I know what you mean. I was often very obsessive too when i first met someone. It's part of our anxiety but you can't give in to it. The right person is out there.

[BigDave]

I hope so. It’s very lonely not having anyone to special in my life to call my own. Especially when it comes to OCD and them being able to understand. I guess it’s very hard for people to though 

[SeaBreeze]

19 hours ago, BigDave said:

I’m sure a lot of you guys and girls have felt the same way over time but I feel horribly and desperately alone at times. I know that my OCD has held me back along with other anxiety issues and depression. I’m single. I always have been if I’m honest with myself. I know I’m not perfect and I’m overweight too, something I’ve struggled with massively but even then, does that mean I deserve to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and family. But it’s not the same as companionship. I’ve tried online dating but it’s always been a bust. Just really sucks sometimes. 

Hi Dave, I feel like I could have written this myself! I am so sorry you feel this way and I do not have any answers for you, unfortunately, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I am in the exact same position as you. 

[BigDave]

2 hours ago, OnlyAlex said:

Hi Dave, I feel like I could have written this myself! I am so sorry you feel this way and I do not have any answers for you, unfortunately, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and I am in the exact same position as you. 

I know it isn’t much of a relief for either of us but it is some I guess knowing that we aren’t alone. Sometimes, I just randomly message people to strike up a conversation. It’s not that I’m even looking for anything more than friendship. Just some sort of conversation to make me a little bit more connected. It’s tough and I was thinking a lot about this today. I think especially in today’s world too, it’s so hard to be trusting. I find it hard to be trusting myself. But the world is not a nice place alone. 

[Lostsoul]

I can relate to this. I have been single for a couple of years now and I do feel lonely a lot of the time. I also have family and 2 close friends, but it isn't the same as having someone to share your life with. 

It does get me down sometimes and I wish I could just be content with being by myself. I would love to get to a stage where I actually like myself and enjoy my own company and not feel the need to be in a relationship.

I think OCD can make it even more of a challenge to meet somebody suitable, they would need a fair bit of patience.

You say you're not perfect, but nobody is.  I think I need to remind myself of that too!

 

[SeaBreeze]

19 hours ago, BigDave said:

I know it isn’t much of a relief for either of us but it is some I guess knowing that we aren’t alone. Sometimes, I just randomly message people to strike up a conversation. It’s not that I’m even looking for anything more than friendship. Just some sort of conversation to make me a little bit more connected. It’s tough and I was thinking a lot about this today. I think especially in today’s world too, it’s so hard to be trusting. I find it hard to be trusting myself. But the world is not a nice place alone. 

Indeed. I do that too, other times I feel so low and alone that I withdraw and don't contact anyone and that makes it even worse. It's like a viscous cycle.  

Here for you buddy if you ever want to talk.  

[BigDave]

Thanks for all your love guys and I really appreciate it. Last night was a bit of a tough one. I spent most of my night looking at my phone hoping I could get someone to chat with me. Bit depressing and needy but I need to enjoy my own company more. At least I think so. How is everyone doing?

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, BigDave said:

I spent most of my night looking at my phone hoping I could get someone to chat with me. Bit depressing and needy but I need to enjoy my own company more.

I think you need a definitive plan on how you're going to overcome this loneliness, Dave. Rather than staring at your phone what 3 practical steps could you have taken in the same time that might have had a more productive outcome? (We'll start with getting you to think of 3, but there are many more!)

Next, what do you think you can do to ensure that time you spend with yourself is more enjoyable? Again, start by naming 3 things.