Ironborn Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 Hi all. About 14 years ago when i was 19 yrs old i had a sort of one night stand with a girl. One thing to note is that there never was actual classic sex The 'sexual' part of it is really vague to me, but one thing i do remember is that during the act she said something like 'no not that' or 'dont do that'. Im not entirely sure what she axactly said, because it has been such a long time ago. But all im thinking right now is if i went on with it after she said something like that, dit i kept doing what she did not want me to? or did i change something about what i had done? did i correct myself? I just dont know for sure... and its killing me. I did see her a couple of times after that, she has never claimed i raped or molested her or anything, She even tried to get with me several times after, but i did not wanted to do that because in the meanwhile i met someone else (now my wife) and i also discovered the girl had been lying about certain stuff to me, so she seemed a bit to much of a fuss to me, and just not the type of character i waned to hang out with. (when i slept over the night the stuff happened we only knew eachother for a couple of hours btw). Even when i was already with my girlfriend (now wife) she tried to kiss me once, in the end she could not stand that i did not wanted to follow trough with her i guess? She messaged me a year back on facebook, but i never send her anything back. until today. Because i had seen this show on tv whefe they talked about rape, and suddenly i thought about that night 14 years ago and it hit me like a truck. I just sended her something back like 'Hey, im fine and how are you?' But eventually i want to know from her if she ever has felt raped or molested by me, i just cannot ask that right of the bat, ill first have to start a conversation. Am i doing compulsion by doing this? What should i do? Link to comment
gingerbreadgirl Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 big big compulsion - don't go down this road, don't message her and don't go over this in your head, leave it alone Link to comment
humbleno1 Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 58 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said: big big compulsion - don't go down this road, don't message her and don't go over this in your head, leave it alone I agree Link to comment
hetty Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 This was 14 years ago...your memories of it are going to be fuzzy. Maybe it didn't happen the way you fear. I think you're not looking at this rationally because if you we're, you would realize this girl was actually doing wrong to you by still kissing you when you were with someone else. If the roles were reversed and you had done that you would probably be obsessing over it. You have quite a bit of evidence that this girl doesn't hold any grudge against you; she still wanted to be with you, she's never accused you of anything, and she's even reached out to you on I presume friendly terms. Messaging her with the intention of eventually finding out if she thinks you raped her is absolutely a compulsion. Of course it's ok to communicate with her if you genuinely want to be friends with her, but doing so just to get the reassurance your OCD is seeking is just not going to help you. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds awful and I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted April 14, 2021 Share Posted April 14, 2021 It's a huge compulsion. Best to cut off all communication with her and get your ruminating in check. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 12 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said: big big compulsion - don't go down this road, don't message her and don't go over this in your head, leave it alone Absolutely. Stop right now. The downside of this will be catastrophic, for this woman, for your wife and certainly for you. This is a classic OCD worry and you're heading for a lot of anxiety and anguish by following this route. Link to comment
seb79 Posted April 15, 2021 Share Posted April 15, 2021 You need to leave this one alone... it’s trouble for everyone involved all you will get is relief for a few moments and then you’ll still be stuck in the same position Link to comment
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