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Worries of a loss of friendship over money with excuses


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I’ve previously posted about this but I have a friend who constantly asks for financial help and I’ve given way to much to financially since I’ve often told him to much of my financial situation, so I stopped really saying what I have, when I have it and money wise what’s going on. He’s good company and even really enjoys hanging out with my aunt too. I think he’s a friend but he gets very forceful with money and I’m trying to figure out how to muster the courage and ability to tell him to take a break with spending because I gotta worry about myself. 
 

I have a gambling issue which giving him money doesn’t help but this newest check which is worth a lot, he doesn’t know I’m taking out much, he thinks It’s just a minimal amount compared to whqt it really is. Regardless due to my aunts concern of me relapsing she wants to hold the check in her bank account which is for the best. 
 

i want to use that as the reasoning to him that I can’t help him like this financially a lot, as he knows my history and knows I had troubles with gambling. But I’m afraid he’ll tell me off curse me out and ban me from my life if I do that 

Edited by Kcbell92
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  • Kcbell92 changed the title to Worries of a loss of friendship over money with excuses
2 hours ago, Kcbell92 said:

i want to use that as the reasoning to him that I can’t help him like this financially a lot, as he knows my history and knows I had troubles with gambling. But I’m afraid he’ll tell me off curse me out and ban me from my life if I do that 

I think this is more of a general life concern than an OCD specific one, but of course OCD often affects lots of parts of our life.

Its understandable to not want to lose a friend, thats a very common worry.  However a person who would curse you out or ban you from their life because you won't keep giving them money is NOT a friend, they are a thief, a con-man.

It is both good and wise to be careful with your finances.  Helping others out in times of need, especially friends can be noble as well, but if you are harming yourself by doing so thats not a good thing.  You have already helped this person in the past, which is kind of you, but you don't need to provide for them forever.  

While it might be painful, losing this "friend" now if all they want is your money is better for you than keeping them around by paying them.  Trust me, it will hurt a lot worse if someone takes advantage of you for a long time, because eventually they will stop being your "friend" anyway when you stop being useful.  A real friend will understand.  You deserve real friends (we all do), not fake ones.  

Additionally you are also not really helping your friend if you keep bailing them out of their own mistakes and bad decisions.  They also need to learn.  It can seem harsh but it is often for the best to teach people that lesson as well.

It sounds like your aunt has a good head on her shoulders, you should follow her advice and her lead.  Take care of your finances and needs and, as your situation allows from time to time you can also help others, hopefully people in REAL need, not just those who want to use you.

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Well it’s like today he requested money from me on cash app, j just said I can’t give what he wants, I did agree to give him a lot less which I shouldn’t have but it seems to be okay but I will tell him too he’s gotta understand my situation too

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Your friend is using you. That's not friendship.

If he doesn’t understand that I cannot give and my reasoning then yes I am fully believing that and will end the friendship 

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On 16/04/2021 at 01:32, Kcbell92 said:

I have a gambling issue which giving him money doesn’t help

The way I see it, you are unlikely to see that money again either way!

Without handing over more money, tell your friend that no more money is available, & ask when they intend giving the previous back. 

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