Some threads get ignored

[MarieJo]

I just wanted to say something that has been brought up before and causes upset. I know it's not a competition on who gets the most replies but some posters get over a hundred responses at a time and others, including my own, only one or two. It takes a lot for some people to open up and speak on here. It takes a lot for me to do so I can tell you. I have suffered in silence for almost 40 years and only this last year have I found the courage to open up. I find it quite upsetting that some people seem to get more support than others as we all suffer with this horrendous disorder. I just wanted to say this as I have to say what I see and it causes hurt.

[felix4]

3 hours ago, MarieJo said:

I know it's not a competition on who gets the most replies but some posters get over a hundred responses at a time and others, including my own, only one or two.

Hi @MarieJo

There is a whole wealth of reasons why some posts get more replies than others! I think the main things though are simply down to timing, luck, & empathy with theme.  

This is by no means directed at you, but I often ignore subsequent new threads from posters, if I have given up my time to reply, & they don't even have the decency to say thanks!

I often also don't reply to reassurance seeking type threads, & if I do, it is to point this out.

I am sure others have their reasons too.

 

All the best.

[malina]

Hey @MarieJo

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I can definitely see where you're coming from though. I really try to put some thought and effort into writing a response so that means that I may only respond to one or two posts. Also, I think once you've built some rapport with someone, you just tend to respond to that person's posts. I suspect this is the case for a lot of people. But that does make it harder for people who post less frequently to get responses and everyone deserves help!

[MarieJo]

Thanks for the responses. You're both right in what you say. I just feel very alone with my OCD at times. Maybe I am being over sensitive.

[malina]

On 18/04/2021 at 00:15, MarieJo said:

Thanks for the responses. You're both right in what you say. I just feel very alone with my OCD at times. Maybe I am being over sensitive.

You're not alone @MarieJo! This is just very tough and it's okay to be frustrated and to want more support.

[Hdigtts]

Remember the support is always there though

[BelAnna]

I'm sorry you've had such a long, difficult struggle with OCD.

I can see why the lack of replies thing is really frustrating MarieJo but it won't be anything personal. I sometimes get only one reply to posts but I know that might be because the post is about something very specific, which not many people can relate to.

Sometimes you just see a post about something that you can relate to and feel more like replying to and other times you have spoken to the poster several times so are more likely to reply to their posts. If you post replies to other people's posts then you might well find that you build up a rapport with others and people are more likely to reply to yours too. 

Edited April 20, 2021 by BelAnna

[lonelygirl91]

I feel that my threads are often ignored.

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, lonelygirl91 said:

I feel that my threads are often ignored.

Nobody's posts are ignored, Lonelygirl. The mod team read every single one of them. But we can't reply to every post because there simply aren't enough hours in the day!

It's the same for all forum users; they respond to the posts which resonate with them personally at that moment, or when they feel they have something useful to add. Just because the people viewing your post have nothing to say at that time doesn't mean you're being ignored.

But what is interesting is you feel  ignored.

In CBT we learn it's not having the thought or feeling which matters, but the meaning you give to having it.

For example, imagine a girl whose heart is fluttering in her chest, her pulse racing, she feels faint, for a moment she can't think straight...

These are feelings. You recognise them immediately as we've all experienced them.

But, did you assume they were caused by anxiety?

Or did you consider that maybe her fiance-to-be had just got down on one knee to propose and she was overcome with happiness and excitement?

The sensations (feelings) are identical, but the meaning you give them determines whether it's anxiety or excitement, bad or good.

Everything in life works the same way. When we're already feeling lonely or gloomy getting no replies to a forum post feels like you're being ignored. Your mood influences the meaning you give to what's happening in your world.

Another day you might come to the forum feeling positive and confident - no replies? You shrug it off as nothing personal and unimportant.

Learning to recognise how our feelings are affecting our thoughts and feelings is very important in recovery. Once you get your head around it you understand better why ruminating and other compulsions might seem the obvious solution to an unwanted thought, but if you simply give a different meaning to the thought you feel differently about it and then you don't need to do the compulsions to get rid of the bad feelings.

 

 

[Handy]

It’s the same on social media. I do read your posts, just don’t reply. 

[Precontemplative]

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Hi 'MarieJo'! Hi 'lonelygirl91'!

At the risk of being 'Reply Guy', I'd like to say I wanted to respond to your posts (eventually), because I had noticed both of you were getting few replies. I understand how disheartening it feels because when I started posting, I was afraid of no reply as much as an adverse reply. It does feel terribly invalidating.

I've also seen just how quickly each thread can sink to the bottom and off page 1 after it was at the top. Two to three days, I think, and many people may not a) read the forum more often than that and b) look to page 2+.

'BelAnna' wrote on 20 Apr 2021: "If you post replies to other people's posts then you might well find that you build up a rapport with others and people are more likely to reply to yours too."

That's a good suggestion, 'BelAnna'. In 'MarieJo's and 'lonelygirl91's cases, I'm sure I've seen them do this already, posting some supportive replies, yet still not much for them.

'Handy' wrote on 23 Apr 2021: "It’s the same on social media. I do read your posts, just don’t reply."

A common pattern, 'Handy', yes. But if there's no way to tell the reader count, it's the same difference. It makes me think of the idea that perhaps a reader count could be attached to a thread, but I'm not sure if it would have changed 'MarieJo's reaction.

In addition to what 'snowbear' wrote, there's also generally the problem of over-expectation creating a false perspective. I mean, there must be many people who think they're going to get millions of 'likes' and tonnes of friends on social media, and are crushed by the sound of crickets (or the baying of trolls).

However, I think 'MarieJo's and 'lonelygirl91's cases were not like this, but they really received far fewer replies.

'MarieJo' wrote on 17 Apr 2021: "It takes a lot for some people to open up and speak on here. It takes a lot for me to do so I can tell you. I have suffered in silence for almost 40 years and only this last year have I found the courage to open up."

I too have a difficulty in being sufficiently open, but I found it was often tied to whether people could identify me in real life, so that mockers or other bad actors could target me. I've gone to great lengths to get onto this forum with strong anonymity so that I can write openly without that 'burn'. I was afraid all my hard and lengthy work would be crushed if I got no replies, yet I had to steel myself to taking that risk and it's consequent sickening feeling, because there is no obligation on anyone here to reply to me.

I've had a few nice replies, though!


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[Caramoole]

Quote

It makes me think of the idea that perhaps a reader count could be attached to a thread, but I'm not sure if it would have changed 'MarieJo's reaction.

For many years the forum software showed the amount of Views a thread had.  We found that this worsened the problem & worried the Poster even more, in that they could see the number of views and be even more concerned if then no-one had responded.
 

[Ashley]

9 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

For many years the forum software showed the amount of Views a thread had.  We found that this worsened the problem & worried the Poster even more, in that they could see the number of views and be even more concerned if then no-one had responded.
 

Exactly right. 

In fact when the forum software was upgraded a couple of months ago the team discussed this again and after reviewing we felt such a feature was more likely to cause upset and worry than add anything positive to the forum experience.