Jump to content

When OCD tells you that not compulsing is avoidance


Recommended Posts

I've been doing really well over the last few weeks, the sunny weather and lockdown restrictions lifting a bit has meant I'm able to enjoy things without my obsessions getting in the way, and when they do pop along I'm able to recognise them for what they are, shrug them off and move on. I even got tipsy with my sister the other day which was a bit of an exposure for me because alcohol makes me nervous!

However, I feel like my OCD has been kicking back over the past couple of days and I do find myself still do strange little compulsions; "just this one and it'll go away and I'll be back to feeling calm and good again" - How many times have you heard that said !!!!! 

I'm under a bit of stress at the minute with a big uni assignment due soon and I'm gonna be moving away from my family home where I've been staying since December (when this OCD spike kicked off). I don't know if it's that or because I've been bumped up to 100mg of sertraline and maybe my body is just adjusting so I'm feeling a bit wobbly. Either way, I feel like my OCD is getting desperate and wanting to cling on to the most RANDOM things. I've said before on here that I have a checking/googling compulsion. Well, now my obsessions are wanting to check/google things and words that are RELATED to my obsessions but aren't directly to do with anything. So I've been resisting the urge to engage but then my brain goes "this is avoidance!!!!! you need to do it as exposure!!!! you're staying stuck if you don't do it!!!!! you're making a huge deal out of nothing, just do it!!!!!" and then i just get VERY uncomfortable, and usually end up carrying it out. And then I feel a bit better, so I start to wonder if it was a compulsion, doubt creeps in, I feel more anxious and confused and I just don't really know what to do. 

So that's where I'm at... Feeling a bit stuck and not sure what to do. This stupid disorder is one stubborn little-!!!

Any guidance would be much appreciated friends ❤️ 

Link to comment

Yeah, they're compulsions. Those thoughts you get, telling you to check,  or just this one time, are obsessions. They're trying to suck you back in.

You feel a little better doing the compulsion, sure. But then your mind wants you to do another and another...

Nip it in the bud.

Link to comment

Thank you @PolarBear ! It's so difficult to just sit with the feeling. I can usually tell if something is compulsive by the sense of urgency I feel alongside it. But because my compulsions are themselves so distressing and anxiety-inducing, that's where I feel like it's a fear that needs to be "overcome". But then once I do one compulsion, and I realise "hey, I've done that, now I should do THIS" (something even scarier), that's where I feel like..... Is this exposure? If I resist the urge to do it, is that avoidance?? I find myself getting tied in knots. Leaving the feeling alone feels irresponsible but I know the relief I get is only ever temporary, and something else will come along. I literally doubt everyday that it is OCD because it's like I'm "testing" myself, and haven't come across anyone who has similar obsessions/compulsions (I know everyone says this). 

I've had some good days, though, like I've said, and I've proved to myself that leaving the obsessions alone does WORK. But now it's just being so stubborn. Nightmare! 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...