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Hi could I have some advice if possible for help with how I have been feeling for a long time. I haven't had a diagnosis of ocd I have researched my symptoms and read things on this forum and I have really intrusive thoughts that have haunted me for a long time. I have had terrible feelings that I may have harmed someone in my family close to me and the thoughts are of a sexual nature , I feel these thoughts about other people and family members now and It makes me feel I could be a peadophile. I have felt this for such a long time for about 22 years and I don't know If I have done a terrible thing to a family member I don't know if it was a dream it actually happened or if its a thought. I have had cbt in the past for anxiety but never brought this up I feel ashamed. I feel physical sensations with the thoughts which I've read some people experienced here also which reassured me but I don't know if my situation is different I don't know how to tell the difference between what's real and what happened or what could be anxiety or ocd. I feel like I can't tell my doctor or anyone else about this because I work in healthcare and I don't want it on record I also feel too ashamed to talk to anyone I know about this. Its happened for such a long time and I just need advice on how I can come to terms with what this is and if it is ocd how can help myself . Thanks for taking the time to read 

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After working up the courage to try to get some help from this community for something I've been struggling with I write a message on here for some help and understanding and not a single person has replied. This forum appears to me to be a forum for particular regular people to communicate amongst one another and outsiders aren't included. There has been people before and after my post and every one has had a reply. This is not a welcoming community and I will think again before a wrote on a forum for help form strangers. Thanks for the further knock in confidence. 

Edited by Bella
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I can understand how you feel but don't take out your frustrations on us.

Once in a while, a post slips through the cracks. You can bump a post back up after a day or so to bring it to the top of the forum. You could message a moderator.

Understand that we are all volunteers here. Some of us have volunteered thousands of hours toward helping those suffering from OCD. But there is a limit.

I have personally replied to several threads started by newcomers in the past few days.

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Hi Bella,

I've merged your threads which will bring your original question to the top of the page again. Hopefully you'll get some more replies this time. If nobody replies within 24 hours it's acceptable to add a reply yourself to 'bump' the thread to the top again. 

 

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Hello Bella

Sounds like you might be new to the realisation of Ocd, however you may not be sure if you have this or not. It's unlikely anyone might be able to confirm if you ever in your past hurt someone in a sexual way, you might know you have or convinced yourself you have but ocd is involved in doubt, uncertainty, etc when you mention that you now think some of these thoughts about other people that sounds like ocd as thoughts usually get more, more unmanageable, involving more things or more people, in my experience more restrictive, it controls your life so this does sound a bit like ocd.

When I realised there were categories of ocd such as real event, fake memories, harm, it was useful however understanding ocd, which takes years as we learn new things so is good advice to seek advice from a trained qualified professional also a good professional who is good at their job, most good therapists I think know about all this stuff with out reassurance however it is always difficult to talk about anything ocd, ocd doesn't want you to achieve it wants to control, it is even more difficult to discus sex or sexual thoughts for lots of reasons, it is understandable you would be worried also as a professional but maybe consider what you could do if someone disclosed this problem to you? 

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Hi Bella. Do you have concerns about the diagnosis of OCD or about the confidentiality of any talk that you have with a doctor or therapist? In order to get referral to a therapist you could go through a GP and there is no need to be specific about the nature of your anxiety. You could then talk to the therapist about your concerns about confidentiality. 

Edited by Angst
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Hi polar bear I'm not taking my frustrations out on this group I just described it how I saw it. I appreciate this is volunteer run but I was the one post that didn't get a reply and there was between before and after that did. I appreciate you aswell as others, have advised on this forum out of your own time and you aren't obliged to it was singularly aimed at anyone just what I seemed to me at the time.

 

Thanks to you and snow bear for the advice on posting 

 

Hi Alice, 

It is new to me considering this as I thought I just had anxiety that was making me feel this way and think this way. I have no idea why or when I began having this memory and unsure if it is real or not which is really upsetting for me. I don't have thoughts of other things with others but I have an anxiety attacks where I feel like I have an intrusive thought coming now specific or in depth thoughts but it's difficult to explain just intrusive feelings that I relate to bad things that could happen, maybe thats a better way to explain it. I honestly don't know what I would say if someone explained they felt like this to me, other then try to reassure them I don't know 

 

Hi angst

I feel that I'm embarrassed of judgement maybe if I told a therapist or a doctor. That they might think I can't do my job with intrusive thoughts or that it's real what I'm feeling its difficult to explain  

 

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So common for sufferers to not open up to others about their thoughts and feelings. I was so sure I would be abandoned by family and committed to an asylum by the authorities that I kept my thoughts a secret... for nearly 40 years.

Now I'm becoming an old coot, but you know, I'm living the best days of my life. The reason is simple. I sought help, I told all, I got help, I worked hard and now my mind is at peace.

Please don't wait like I did.

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

So common for sufferers to not open up to others about their thoughts and feelings. I was so sure I would be abandoned by family and committed to an asylum by the authorities that I kept my thoughts a secret... for nearly 40 years.

Now I'm becoming an old coot, but you know, I'm living the best days of my life. The reason is simple. I sought help, I told all, I got help, I worked hard and now my mind is at peace.

Please don't wait like I did.

So proud of you PB, you deserve to have a wonderful peaceful day everyday mate. So glad for you X

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Hi Bella

Your particular OCD fear is horrible to endure, and the doubt very frightening.  You'd probably be surprised though to hear that it's an incredibly common one that we've heard hundreds & hundreds of times on this forum alone.  I can think of one particular member (well I can think of lots actually) but I'll stick with one, who was troubled in just the same way....who was on the forum for about 3 years, here daily, often many times a day.  Distraught, troubled, anxious, disbelieving......I could go on.  She's not here now.......although she popped back some time ago to let us know she was now doing well :) 22 years seems like a long time......it is a long time, too long.....but again, sadly, it's not unusual at all.  Many sufferers wait decades before seeking help because they are so afraid of disclosing the nature of their fears.

OCD therapists will not bat an eyelid if you share what's worrying you.  Why?  Because it is such a common obsession.  I wish I could say the same for all GP's but sadly, they're not all on the same page yet, some haven't quite got up to speed on the extent and range of obsessions, which are almost infinite.  Don't let that put you off though.  A GP isn't there to treat your OCD but to point you to those services/specialists who can.  That said, if you feel uncomfortable disclosing everything, it's okay to be vague, to say you have disturbing thoughts that cause you distress.....if pushed further, simply say you don't feel comfortable talking about them in detail.

Don't let this go on any longer, don't let fear stand in your way......book an appointment.  I appreciate that it may not be easy to do this via a phone appointment.....or maybe it could be easier but whatever, hopefully mid-June restrictions will lift and normal service will resume.  Bite the bullet and start to claim your life back :)

 

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Hey Bella,

I have had similar obsession, fears of having sexually assaulted someone while being drunk and not remembering it. It is a scary thought and that might preclude you to get the help you need. What you are describing is intolerance to uncertainty and you might be scared that people might label you a rapist or something else. The way I see it, one of the most common compulsion in OCD is avoidance. The sole act of asking to be referred to a therapist and talking about it to a therapist would be the very start of your ERP journey. 

P.s. I am in the same boat as you, I work in healthcare, your info is protected, and I got the help I needed without needing to describe my symptoms to my GP, you don't need to go into specifics with your GP, and your GP shouldn't push you into talking about something you aren't ready to talk about, you could just say I have intrusive thoughts, they are disturbing me, and I can't tolerate uncertainty, if they ask for more, simply answer something vague like ''I am scared of having harmed someone I love''.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Cristo

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thank you both your advice and guidance has meant so much. I have thought about what everyone has said alot, the way I feel has been getting worse recently too. I think I will speak to my GP I just need to get the courage up. Thank you again 

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