13yr old son compulsions and confessions

[Mave]

My son was diagnosed in approx 2015 with generalised anxiety and OCD. He had treatment via CAMHS with varying success. We tend to live a life of peaks and troughs. Sometimes it’s terrible, sometimes it’s barely noticeable. We’ve recently had some contamination issues with repeated hand washing but last week he told me he was worried that he had got someone pregnant as he had seen some white stuff go into the toilet. I explained that there are only two ways for someone to get pregnant and that it was probably his imagination. He seemed happy enough with the answer until this morning when he distressed to the point of sobbing about the same issue. He then confessed to doing what teenage boys do. I explained this was normal behaviour and told him to speak to his dad about things like that. His dad worries that he is some kind of oddball telling his mum but am I right in thinking that this is just an extension of his OCD? He did have a period a few years ago when he had intrusive thoughts.... The contamination and hand washing I can just about cope with but the intrusive thoughts I find hard to know what to do. Have I done the right thing by being open and honest with him or have I just weaponised his OCD further. Thanks in advance for any advice x 

[snowbear]

Hi Mave,

Being honest and open is absolutely the best way to be! OCD festers and grows worse when forced into silence or secrecy. I think your son is lucky to be able to talk to his mum about anything, including the normal stages of growing up.

Unfortunately you've discovered a truth about OCD worries - reassurance and logical explanations only bring short term relief. Then the thoughts recur and find new angles of doubt that sets the worry off all over again. They way to deal with intrusive thoughts is to learn not to respond to them, to let them come and go as 'just thoughts'.

You say he's had treatment with CAMHS before, so it's possible they gave him some worksheets or information which you could refer back to. Or you might find a self-help book useful. I think Break Free from OCD  explains CBT quite well and is suitable for both you and your 13 year old son to read. Alternatively you might prefer a book aimed at parents, or one aimed at teenagers. There's a good selection to choose from here.

OCD worries latch onto whatever is most precious to us, creating anxiety about the things which could threaten our happiness or security. I'm all for educating young people about their bodies and how nature works, but once they know the facts and worries remain it's moved into the realms of OCD. Further reassurance that pregnancy is impossible then ceases to work, but you can reassure him you still love him no matter what. It may reduce the power the OCD outcomes he imagines have to scare him. 

It's also likely he's doing compulsions to ease these fears. Handwashing is a very visible one, but you could ask him about hidden compulsions such as mental rituals done to neutralise the thoughts. The books help explain how compulsions (of any sort) are a normal response but that they maintain the fear rather than erase it. Being able to talk openly about his compulsions can help him identify what they are and then you can support him in learning to stop doing them.

If you have further questions, please ask. Good luck!

 

[Mave]

Thanks so much for your reply. We kept all the info he had from CAMHS, but I’ll certainly look at the reading you’ve suggested.