Please Help

[Caramoole]

I think that you're probably getting crossed wires somewhere in what he means.  As I said to you the other day, to an  outsider looking in or reading, the things you describe as "abuse" look ridiculous.  In that, I don't mean you are being ridiculous but that the incidents you fear are & are distorted by your OCD interpretation.  I can't think they would worry your partner either.  It may upset him that you talk in terms of abuse.  He is also probably distressed and upset at you seeming so I'll and mixed up.  It's hard for a partner to fully understand what's going on.

[Nikki79]

1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

I think that you're probably getting crossed wires somewhere in what he means.  As I said to you the other day, to an  outsider looking in or reading, the things you describe as "abuse" look ridiculous.  In that, I don't mean you are being ridiculous but that the incidents you fear are & are distorted by your OCD interpretation.  I can't think they would worry your partner either.  It may upset him that you talk in terms of abuse.  He is also probably distressed and upset at you seeming so I'll and mixed up.  It's hard for a partner to fully understand what's going on.

I’m really not sure what’s going on with him but I think it might be worthwhile having my psychiatrist talk to him and explain what’s going on. In the meantime I’m further concerned now about the knee incident and what happened there Caramoole. It’s hard for me to remember what happened but I know I was trying to pull my daughter’s nappy over her knee and I thought I really don’t need some anxiety happening to me today now and low and behold that’s what happened. My hand rubbed off her knee and I let it do that longer then it should as if to scare myself. I did cos now I think I harmed her   

[Hdigtts]

You need to try and break yourself out of this routine of constantly replaying or trying to remember every last detail of the events. It does you no good

[Nikki79]

3 minutes ago, Hdigtts said:

You need to try and break yourself out of this routine of constantly replaying or trying to remember every last detail of the events. It does you no good

I understand this but trying to implement it can be very hard as I’m worried I’m guilty Hdigtts. Walking around with a cloud of guilt over possibly hurting your own child is unbearable. 

[Hdigtts]

Has anyone been shocked or disgusted at what you have said? Did your Dad or the psychologist seem shocked? 

[Nikki79]

12 minutes ago, Hdigtts said:

Has anyone been shocked or disgusted at what you have said? Did your Dad or the psychologist seem shocked? 

No not at all. I really do attempt to explain what happens as much as I can also. 

[Hdigtts]

Then I think you should allow yourself a break from going over it

[Nikki79]

7 minutes ago, Hdigtts said:

Then I think you should allow yourself a break from going over it

But I feel it goes around and around my head and they only way I can let it to is by sharing it.

[Hdigtts]

I totally get that, and have the same issues but we know that other people don’t need to share their thoughts so there is no need for us to have to.

[Nikki79]

1 minute ago, Hdigtts said:

I totally get that, and have the same issues but we know that other people don’t need to share their thoughts so there is no need for us to have to.

I think I what makes me want to is the worry which is; ‘have I done something?’

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

I understand this but trying to implement it can be very hard as I’m worried I’m guilty Hdigtts. Walking around with a cloud of guilt over possibly hurting your own child is unbearable. 

 

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

But I feel it goes around and around my head and they only way I can let it to is by sharing it.

So what makes you special or different Nikki?

Yes, it's hard but it's something each of us has to do.  If you carry on using the same methods of trying to remember, sharing it, seeking reassurance....it's just going to carry on and leave you feeling in this wretched state.  That's a fact Nikki.  You have to dig to the bottom of your boots and resist when the urge strikes.  You have been assured by professionals what the cause is and that there is no risk.  You have to start and take the advice now

[Hdigtts]

4 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I think I what makes me want to is the worry which is; ‘have I done something?’

Others have said before that you will never satisfy yourself with an answer so the best thing to do is accept the thoughts as OCD and move on. You need to make that change.

[Nikki79]

24 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

 

So what makes you special or different Nikki?

Yes, it's hard but it's something each of us has to do.  If you carry on using the same methods of trying to remember, sharing it, seeking reassurance....it's just going to carry on and leave you feeling in this wretched state.  That's a fact Nikki.  You have to dig to the bottom of your boots and resist when the urge strikes.  You have been assured by professionals what the cause is and that there is no risk.  You have to start and take the advice now

I know Caramoole I must trust the process right? I must trust the experts and the wise people who know what they are talking about like your good selves. 

[Nikki79]

Hey guys some stuff is really affecting me today. I cannot understand some thoughts I mean some of them just worry me as to what they are when I have them. This is why I get drawn into ruminating on them because I’m afraid of what they are and how they lead me to do things.

[Caramoole]

You have to treat them all the same & resist the urge to ruminate and work them out

[Nikki79]

1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

You have to treat them all the same & resist the urge to ruminate and work them out

Is that ok to do that tho? I’m terrified of just being blasé about it. 

[PolarBear]

You receive advice of what to do. Then you come back with a request for reassurance.  

See how that works? You have a deep desire to know that this batch of thoughts doesn't mean you are evil. Fair enough, but you want to know that about every thought. Multiple times. 

In a way, you are addicted to reassurance. You aren't alone, by any means, but you're here, day in and day out, looking for it. Giving reassurance is the last thing we want to give you. Because if we do, you'll be back for it tomorrow and the next day and the next...

Getting reassurance does not fix anything. Sure, it might give you a little boost and the feeling that you are okay, but because you rely on compulsions, like reassurance seeking, you'll have more and more thoughts in the future, and you'll want reassurance for all of them, multiple times. 

So where does that leave you? To stand on your own two feet, without us and those around you holding you up. You have the power to beat this on your own. You have the knowledge. You have gotten to a better place before. You can do it again.

 

[Nikki79]

1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

You receive advice of what to do. Then you come back with a request for reassurance.  

See how that works? You have a deep desire to know that this batch of thoughts doesn't mean you are evil. Fair enough, but you want to know that about every thought. Multiple times. 

In a way, you are addicted to reassurance. You aren't alone, by any means, but you're here, day in and day out, looking for it. Giving reassurance is the last thing we want to give you. Because if we do, you'll be back for it tomorrow and the next day and the next...

Getting reassurance does not fix anything. Sure, it might give you a little boost and the feeling that you are okay, but because you rely on compulsions, like reassurance seeking, you'll have more and more thoughts in the future, and you'll want reassurance for all of them, multiple times. 

So where does that leave you? To stand on your own two feet, without us and those around you holding you up. You have the power to beat this on your own. You have the knowledge. You have gotten to a better place before. You can do it again.

 

Thanks PB. I do hope to get better soon, things have slipped a lot for sure and I do desperately want to be free of so much distress you know.

[Andy333]

I think you should consult Gp

[Nikki79]

I met with my Key Worker again this morning and she told me she will phone me again tomorrow and at the Weekend. Next Monday I meet the Psychiatrist and then I should be meeting the Psychologist further on during the week.