12 year old daughter with OCD.

[Guest Simon]

It's been an emotional time for my wife, myself and moreover our 12 year old daughter over the past couple of months - longer for our daughter! We are a loving, active and emotionally involved family. She was brave enough, several weeks ago before school to open up that she had been having 'thoughts' about harming myself, my wife and herself with knives. We took this on board and at the time (before fully appreciating that it could be OCD) reassured that we 'al have these crazy thoughts at times and they mean nothing'. Our daughter had recently gone back to her first year in secondary school following lockdown and, to be honest, I think that the kids have really handled this whole pandemic situation incredibly! She is doing really well at school, but there have been times in the past where anxiety has crept in before school or prior to going somewhere, sleepovers etc, which we put this down normal anxiety/separation anxiety.

Our daughter is a very active, genuine, loving, empathetic person with a great friend base. My wife is super vigilant, rounded, educated and very well read regarding everything, especially anything affecting or regarding our beloved daughter and immediately reached out online for advice, suggesting that she thought immediately that this could be an indication of OCD. We are presently paying for our daughter to have weekly counselling sessions with an amazing CAMHS approved therapist - amazing because our daughter has struck up a great, trusting relationship with her. She has confirmed (though cannot diagnose, understandably) that this is OCD. 

Our daughter is open and honest with us, but this has caused huge emotional upset for her and us as a family as the intrusive thoughts, as far as we and her therapist are so far aware are of a sexual nature. This is so difficult as when she is in the moment of having the thoughts, she is asking if we are paedophiles. We initially of course reassured and comforted her saying why this couldn't be true - proof, history or memories - but the OCD doesn't reason that way and we have had to learn to use the tools given to us by her therapist that we cannot reassure or give any credibility to the thoughts. 

This works ok on the card we get her to read from, but is absolutely devastating for us as a family. I seem to be the main focus, more than my wife but we are both subject to it when it happens. This comes in waves and we can not really anticipate when they will come. We are being very open and honest and she understands that it is the condition causing this, she does journal the thoughts - but needs prompting repeatedly, can separate the thoughts  - when experiencing the deepest anxiety and we are so thankful that she is able to be open up- as far as we can tell - with her therapist.

We are a close, loving family who share many activities together canoeing, cycling, skating, walking and this seems to have come from out of the blue, although we realise that it has probably been going on in her mind for some time. When we look back, we can even see little signs of what could have been this up to a couple of years ago. It was brave of her to come forward as she was upset and didn't understand why she was having these horrible thoughts.

We just wanted to share where we are today and thank the whole OCD community for helping to increase exposure for this debilitating condition. We wanted to share our experience and reach out to other parents who may be going through something similar.

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi Simon,

Thank you so much for sharing, what must be an incredibly hard time for you all. I'm so pleased to hear that your daughter has a great relationship with her therapist and is able to open up to her. It's also fantastic that the therapist has considered how you and your wife could contribute to exacerbating the OCD, with reassurance and accommodation and has given you alternate strategies to cope during the more anxious times. 

The thoughts your daughter is having must be very distressing for you and your wife, OCD can be so cruel. But try to remember that OCD tends to throw doubts about the things that we hold dearest to us, which is likely why OCD is focusing on you both.

I really hope that your daughter makes brilliant progress on her road to recovery and please know that you are all not alone

Gemma