Jump to content

how to define my contamination fears


Recommended Posts

hi all

i am still struggling with a long term issue resulting in contamination fears. i dont know if its mental or contact contamination.

basically many years ago i was in a job which gave me a company car that i hated and after 2+ years felt disgust with as it was so ugly and made me feel disgust which eventually made my mind think it was contaminated.

ever since then my mind is over aware of any objects that could have been in that car at any time. i threw away many things but theres a few things still here such as a laminate floor covering in my parents house which was bought home in packs in said car.

so this floor covering as one example remains contamined 15+ years later and my parents dont often update the house. 

i wont go on further although i could. i just wondered if anyone can help define the problem. its not germs im afraid of its sort of fear of accepting i had the car so long and was too weak to change the situation back then. 

thanks for anyone who reads this and look forward to replies.

Link to comment
  • Replies 263
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

hi polarbear

many years ago i posted, still havent found resolution.

if i was transported somewhere else (eg move home) with all new things then i am sure the ocd wouldnt take hold again

ive learned how to knock any signs of new ocd on the head when they appear. 

i just cant deal with anything from the past which had been inside the car. its like a mental block. 

it fees like something went wrong in my head years ago and i couldnt process / store the memory as it was too distressing, almost like a traumatic event.

most of the time i try to do nothing with any thoughts that come into my head which i think de energises them.

other times i feel like i need to challenge them. for example the rest of my family walks on the floor without a thought, so physically there cant be anything wrong with it.

however by mistake i touched the floor barefoot with one foot recently and this made me feel awful, i have since showered several times and bathed as it was two weeks ago but i still get doubts that ive contaminated my foot.

 

Link to comment

I remember you.

Well, clearly you are doing compulsions. Showering/bathing after walking barefoot on the floor was a compulsion. 

Compulsions don't fix anything. They make your situation worse. In essence, what you did while doing extra personal cleaning was tell that wonky part of your brain, "See, there really was something to worry about." 

No doubt you have spent years doing similar compulsions, including ruminating. You've thought they were fixing the problem but actually they were keeping you stuck.

Link to comment

yes correct as i am still living in the same house, but thats another story. 

so sticking with the flooring as its not an item i can throw out, i just cant seem to accept anything other than that it is contaminated due to its link to the car. 

despite it only being in the car probably less than an hour and myself and other people being in the car for many hours.

its like i could accept that a person is a living thing which can be cleaned whereas an inanimate object is inherently contaminated and cannot.

if people walk on this floor then walk on carpet then the carpet is mildly contaminated and i can walk on it but i am not entirely clean.

an example in the morning i shower before work. once im dressed i briefly walk on the carpet to get downstairs then i put clean socks on which protect my shoes from the mild contamination.

when i get home to go upstairs  i walk briefly on the carpet in socks which then go into the underwear wash bin which gets washed at 60 once a week.

i have to do the 60 wash for underwear /bedding before washing anything else lower to clean the washing machine as other people use it to wash socks which would have touched the contaminated floor directly.

i do all this stuff without anybody noticing. its like im almost as afraid of being caught as i am of the contamination.

i could go on with more examples but you get the picture.

i should be moving out soon which im sure will alleviate day to day worry but obviously i will still visit the parents house and have to have a plan to deal with that.

Link to comment

Well, all the rituals you just described are compulsions too and they are all keeping you stuck.

There is nothing wrong with your socks because there is nothing wrong with the carpet bwcause there is nothing wring with the flooring because, ultimately, there was nothing wrong with the car. It's all make believe in your head. None of it is real.

If you keep thinking and behaving the way you have been for years, you will remain stuck. If you change your thinking and behavior, good things will happen.

Link to comment

thank you

a couple of years ago i actually went to the gp and was referred to talking therapies. i explained to a therapist the problem and they decided i needed to do exposure for example stepping on the floor and staying there as long as i could.

i just couldnt do this as the anxiety would be too much. i feel like i need help to understand how my mind got to this decision, and somehow reverse it. i dont think exposure alone can do it as it would send me off the rails.

i understand cbt can help as you change how you interpret events, theory a and b. or maybe i need hypnosis to get into my subconscious, as i said it feels like a mental block. like a fight or flight where there isnt clear reasoning.

Link to comment

Hypnosis does nothing for OCD. Absolutely nothing.

Talk therapy may help you figure out why you revile that car so much. 

CBT is the fix for OCD and, yes, including Exposure and Response Prevention.

Link to comment
On 12/06/2021 at 23:15, olb said:

maybe i need hypnosis to get into my subconscious

:wontlisten:Hypnosis is a waste of time. This has nothing to do with your subconscious and you don't need to access that part of your brain to fix it.

Quote

i understand cbt can help as you change how you interpret events, theory a and b

 

I always found the 'theory A and theory B' idea to be an unhelpful  load of nonsense. :dry: Though it seems to suit some people well.

CBT works because it changes how you interpret your thoughts and feelings, and events you've experienced.

It can take you back to the belief you developed over the car being contaminated and help you to change the way you think and feel about those past experiences. It can also help you change how you think and feel about current experiences, and perhaps draw a line under the connections you keep making to the past so you start from a clean slate.

On 12/06/2021 at 23:15, olb said:

i explained to a therapist the problem and they decided i needed to do exposure for example stepping on the floor and staying there as long as i could.

i just couldnt do this as the anxiety would be too much. i feel like i need help to understand how my mind got to this decision, and somehow reverse it. i dont think exposure alone can do it as it would send me off the rails.

Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) is the recognised way of tackling contamination fears. For many people with mental contamination though it isn't fear as such that makes this too anxiety-provoking; the underlying issue is one of betrayal and trust, which can bring up far stronger feelings of resistance.

Eventually, you'll have to do the ERP, but to make it do-able you may need some cognitive therapy first (the 'C' of CBT) to get to a place where you're ready to let go of the feelings related to the car.

On 12/06/2021 at 21:14, olb said:

many years ago i was in a job which gave me a company car that i hated and after 2+ years felt disgust with as it was so ugly and made me feel disgust which eventually made my mind think it was contaminated. 

There's the root of your problem in your own sentence. :)What you need to be working on is letting go of this feeling of disgust (and anger?) towards the job (company) you hated and the object which became the symbolic focus for that disgust (the car.)

You may need guidance from a therapist to help unravel the twists and turns which have led you to your current position, but it's certainly do-able. :)

 

On 12/06/2021 at 23:15, olb said:

it feels like a mental block. like a fight or flight where there isnt clear reasoning.

I totally get it. (I suffer from mental contamination too.)

The reasoning isn't initially obvious because it's not direct 'fear-in-response-to-a-current threat'. But the reasoning is there if you look for it.

You need a therapist who has some understanding of the differences between mental and direct contamination.  Unlike direct contamination where all you're protecting yourself from is germs and disease, your fight or flight reaction is about protecting your soul (for want of a better way to put it) and protecting the very ideas of justice, goodness and decency on behalf of the world. Given that's a big ask (! :) ) it's little wonder the feelings around a 'simple' contaminated floor are so intense. 

The approach in treatment is the same, only instead of starting at the top of your hierarchy with exposure to the contaminated floor you start with exposure to your feelings of disgust. Learn to sit with those feelings and memories without doing any compulsions to contain or negate them. Then work your way up from there. Simultaneously you can explore your feelings toewards the car and whether they are still warranted all these years on, changing the way you look at past and present.

There's an excellent book on mental contamination though it's aimed at therapists rather than punters. We don't sell it in the charity bookshop, but I've used the link for Amazon 'Smile' so you can (if you wish) name OCD-UK as your nominated charity to get a percentage of the purchase price. :)  If you understand how basic CBT works you shouldn't have too much difficulty following how to apply it to mental contamination. 

Amazon Smile, Oxford Guide to the Treatment of Metal Contamination

Alternatively, start with a book which explains the basics of CBT. One of the best is Break Free from OCD.

 

Link to comment

thanks for your analysis snowbear.

what i mean by the theory a vs theory b was for example:

theory a could be ' the flooring was in the car briefly so its now permanently contaminated'

theory b could be 'the floor is now a semi-permanant part of the house which is there to be walked on'

or possible ' other people are walking on this floor without a second thought so the problem is not physical but in my own mind'

are any of those b theories enough to defeat the theory a? is this how it works or not with cbt? should i keep repeating to myself one of those theory b statements and hope it takes over theory a?

i will reply again to the other points you make just wanted to get that example in quickly.

thanks for the book link i have seen that one before, have you read it?

Link to comment

My understanding of Theory A vs Theory B is more like

Theory A: The floor is contaminated and poses a genuine risk

Theory B: I feel like the floor is contaminated so the risk is only in my mind

I've always been totally aware my contamination issues are only in my mind, so it never helped me to make this distinction.

I've read both books. Break Free is excellent at explaining CBT and how to use it to overcome OCD but the examples are all about direct fears rather than mental association. In the mental contamination book there's a matter-of-fact sentence near the start explaining, ''whole cities can become contaminated by association'' and I thought, 'try the whole world!' but it is me to a 'T'. What I found useful was it explains how to adapt standard CBT to mental contamination issues, where they are the same and where they differ. 

Link to comment

Hi Olb,

I'm sorry that you are experiencing a mental block over the feeling of the floor being contaminated. I can definitely relate to that.

It does sound as though it's worth discussing how you felt in the job that caused the feeling of disgust with a therapist; as well as working on some ERP in CBT. Obviously you would start small and work through a hierarchy so you wouldn't need to stand barefoot on the floor as a first step. 

For theory A/B for you in this situation I think it would be:

Theory A:

1. The problem is that the floor is contaminated.

2. The risk is that anything that comes into contact with the floor will become contaminated and I won't be able to cope with the overwhelming disgust.

3. If theory A is true it means I need to complete compulsions to feel safe, clean and comfortable.

 

Theory B:

1. The problem is a worry problem (i.e. the real problem is that I'm worried about imaginary contamination).

2. There is no contamination risk- nothing bad will happen if I just behave like anyone else without OCD. 

The real risk is that I will cause myself to feel more and more anxious by completing compulsions and this will maintain or increase the fear. Ultimately if I do this I will stay stuck.

3. If theory B is true this means that I don't need to complete any compulsions. Compulsions keep me stuck in this situation and keep me feeling unsafe, unclean and uncomfortable. 

 

As Snowbear says though, not everyone finds Theory A/Theory B helpful, particularly with Mental Contamination it may well be harder to gather evidence for and against your theory A because it's less like a phobia of a specific situation (which standard contamination OCD shares similarities with) and is more 'in your head'.

ERP as part of CBT should still work though. I had 'Mental Contamination' where I feared contamination with cancer (just by seeing someone with it) and spreading it to relatives. I started small with ERP by just writing 'cancer' (which I couldn't do at that time). Perhaps with this you could start small by either looking at pictures of your old car or of a similar car; or just writing the name of the company you used to work for OR even just working on the disgust by putting your hands into a bowl of jam or syrup and letting the feeling of disgust arise and not reacting. If you can come to tolerate the feeling of disgust then it will gradually decrease over time to the extent that you can stand on the floor barefoot or even touch it without experiencing any disgust or anxiety! 

 

Link to comment

Sorry for the late reply. So I’ll try and add some information. I actually didn’t mind the job at all, it started well, but once the replacement cars were ordered ( my fault initially not being strong enough to object to the company’s choice ) I started to feel annoyed as other staff had cars I liked and expected to get myself. We’re talking difference between a car with a cool image vs an old mans car. I was only just 20 at the time. 
Soon as I first drove the car I regretted accepting it and had a bad feeling like almost like betrayal and I told myself I’d leave the job and find another if I was stuck with the car. 
people were acting like I should be pleased to have a brand new car but this couldn’t be further from the truth so straight away I was having to put on a face and not let my true feelings out, remember I was only 20. 
Didn’t help that I’d always liked owning my own car and choosing old but cool cars I liked. This job meant I had to take the car home so it was for personal use too. 
so basically my ego was hurt and as time went on the anger slowly grew and I wasn’t doing anything about it except moaning to people and not giving my all to the job which I would have if I felt I was being looked after.

as I was young I had a lot of other things going on which distracted from the car issue but it didn’t go away it just meant I let the situation carry on.

the contamination problem started later on and once the idea took hold I couldn’t challenge the idea that things in the car were contaminated. 
Fast forward and the same cars are rarely seen as the manufacturer is no more. If I do see one on the road I still hate everything about the car. 
I still don’t know if it’s a contact or mental contamination. 
 

Link to comment
On 18/06/2021 at 19:46, olb said:

I still don’t know if it’s a contact or mental contamination. 

Before the specialists decided to call it mental contamination I used to call it emotional contamination because things (like your car) were contaminated by having negative emotions to do with it. Once something has become 'emotionally contaminted' though, there's a lot of overlap with direct contamination in how you respond further. For example tracking the contamination when something from the car is brought into the house, or simply thinking of it as contaminated without emotion of any kind.

On 18/06/2021 at 19:46, olb said:

once the idea took hold I couldn’t challenge the idea that things in the car were contaminated.

This is where CBT begins. :) You need to reassess the whole idea that the car is contaminated and allow for the possibility that you can (and eventually will) accept it's not.

Link to comment

This latest incident has set me back after quite a while of being just about ok , despite following certain rules /avoiding things. For years I had avoided the floor and if I had stepped on it ( if someone asked me to come in the room) I’d wear socks then throw them away after and try not to contaminate other floors too much. Stepping in there barefoot feels like I’ve failed, like I’ve slipped up. I can’t throw away my foot. I know it’s mad but I’m worried my foot will continue to feel not clean despite a few baths and a regular morning shower where I wash my feet with shower gel and between the toes. I just hope the thought eventually disappears , as we know time is a healer. 
throughout the day the last couple of weeks my mood and motivation has been low. I’m coming up to my 40th birthday which doesn’t help as it’s an age I kind of dread. 
the mind is really strange. It’s like since the car thing happened I’ve had this voice in my head telling me I can only survive if I avoid any future contact with the car or others cars and people who drive them. 
it’s like it’s there to protect me and I must follow it at all costs. Like if I don’t follow the rules it means I accept I drove the car , and that’s something I still can’t accept that happened. I still can’t comprehend I was driving around in that model of car for over two years and didn’t put an end to it sooner.

sorry for the rant just trying to get the thoughts out there as much as possible in order to find a solution , appreciate all the comments. 
In reply to belanna the job and people at the company wasn’t really the problem, I was annoyed how they chose those cars but I am more annoyed at myself for my allowing the situation to go on so long.

There were a few times I thought about writing the car off ( fire/ damage it somehow) or leaving the key in so it was stolen that’s how angry I was. 
The reason things have got easier gradually over the years is there are less contaminated objects about as items get replaced, plus due to lockdown we haven’t visited other family, as my aunts house has some folding chairs which I know were transported in the car once and I was anxious about those every time we went there. 
anyway I’ve gone on too much but this is how my mind works and I’m struggling to get out of bed lately to go to work. 
thanks for any replies I do appreciate your posts Polar and snow !

Link to comment

You might well be served by talking to a therapist about why you hate that car so much, even after all this time. Your response to driving that car is completely and utterly irrational. It was irrational when you developed a hate for it back when and it's irrational now to live by silly rules when the car is long gone.

Your thinking and behavior is driving your OCD train wreck. You still think that car was some sort of evil, yet it was just a car. It had an engine, four wheels and got you from A to B. 

Your compulsions keep you stuck. Every time you throw away socks, you are reconfirming in your mind that the thoughts are correct, that the floor is contaminated. Same wirh other compulsions you do.

Let's be clear... the floors have never been contaminated because the car was not contaminated. All your beliefs about that car, the floors and everything you've thrown away are completely irrational and untrue.

Link to comment
On 14/06/2021 at 18:27, snowbear said:

I always found the 'theory A and theory B' idea to be an unhelpful  load of nonsense. :dry: Though it seems to suit some people well.

Interesting to hear you say this Snowbear, I've always felt the same.  At best, it's the simplest form of appraisal that barely needs even writing down

Link to comment

Thanks for the replies. I am here thinking ‘ if my foot is physically clean’ which it should be,then the problem is in my head. So my mind is telling me I’ve failed to stick to the deal of avoiding contact with primary objects that entered the car. I was able to touch secondary objects , such as carpet which people had walked on in the hallway right next to the contaminated floor without such a reaction. 
so after the crisis many years ago I made the deal with the devil / myself that if I am to continue / survive I must avoid these objects with direct contamination at all costs. If I make contact then I am back in contact with the car and accepting and failing the agreement i made to be able to move on.

Going back to the car it was a big ugly thing I often called a monstrosity, trying to be something it wasn’t. I was also angry at the company who designed the car just as much as the company I worked at who bought it.

By ‘owning’ this car I felt I was giving off an image that was the antithesis  of  ‘me’. I kept trying to find reasons to pretend it wasn’t such a problem, I’d tell people it wasn’t my choice etc. But I carried on afraid of leaving a job ( for fear of what parents might think). I also had feelings of punishing myself for not stopping the car being bought and asking for something else. It almost feels like it was a traumatic event and I couldn’t get out of the situation. Maybe the trauma I felt created the contamination? 
sorry for another rant but it is helping me to explore thoughts and feelings and I appreciate anyone reading and commenting. 

 

Link to comment
On 21/06/2021 at 19:26, olb said:

if I don’t follow the rules it means I accept I drove the car , and that’s something I still can’t accept that happened.

The mind is indeed a strange thing, but it's function is simple-  it enables us navigate life.

Life is a maze of endless possibilities which would overwhelm a computer a billion times the power of a brain. To simplfy the choices which must be made the mind makes up rules and by and large we follow those rules without questioning them because they make life easier.

However, sometimes the rules hinder our ability to navigate life successfully and then they need to be questioned, seen for the arbitrary nonsense they are and thrown out or changed.

That you drove a car you didn't like is historical fact. You have to accept that whether you like it or not.

That your negative emotions towards the car, and towards yourself for not rejecting it outright, became expressed in ideas of contamination is now also fact. You need to get your head around that whether you like it or not.

But the meaning you give to anything in life is never fact. It's entirely your choice and permanently open to change.

You can live your life by a certain rule for decades, then on a whim decide the rule is nonsense and apply a new meaning any time you want.

 

Let's try this one out for size;

You drove a car you didn't like. You hated the car, you despised yourself for not rejecting it. The meaning of these facts is...

... in the past when you didn't know what to do with your negative feelings you suppressed them. Beneath the surface they festered and re-emerged as ideas of contamination. Objects in contact with the source of these feelings became 'contaminated' and 'unsafe'.

Whereas you didn't know how to deal with 'unsafe' (negative) feelings, you do know the concept of 'unsafe things can be made safe by cleaning them.'

So you ringfenced anything to do with the car (and the negative feelings it creates) within this idea that they are contaminated. Because then you can either avoid the 'danger' or clean it off to make the unpleasant feelings go away.

So one meaning you could apply to all of this is 'I need need to learn a better way of dealing with my negative feelings.'

Bottom line, you don't need to hold onto the idea things are contaminated. They never were. It was just a way of expressing negative feelings.

So, you drove a car you didn't like. New meaning...

It was just a car. Time to let go of the anger towards the company and myself.

It's just a floor. When it brings up negative feelings in me I have to learn to sit with those feelings instead of suppressing them. Let them be just feelings instead of translating that into thoughts about contamination and being unsafe.

I don't need to 'clean' away bad feelings. They'll pass on their own.

The rules are open to change. I made them, I can break them. I can bend them, adapt them, or chuck them out completely if I want to!

 

At first it's scary having no rule to follow. Temporarily you're open to ALL the incomprehensibly vast possible meanings there are. And you have to choose one.

So choose your new meaning with care. Make it one that allows you to navigate life more successfully. :)

Link to comment

Thanks I am trying to work on your last post. I have had some more thoughts about the situation.

the negative emotions I am trying to explore further and the underlying feeling is that attachment to the car makes me feel life isn’t worth living, versus the survival instinct we all have. In my life story I didn’t want this car. So I can’t reconcile the memories properly or file them away. I have only survived this event by focusing on the now  sort of like mindfulness.

I think I successfully moved on to an extent by using mindfulness and focusing on the now. This meant putting the car and anything else in the past out of my attention. This may explain how sometimes people are surprised I can’t remember some things in the past.

the few remaining contaminated items I’ve managed until recently ( by avoidance) hoping these items would eventually disappear/ be replaced. As I said if I was moved to another town or country I’d feel free and the problem wouldn’t return.

It’s the contact with the floor and especially barefoot which has knocked me for six . I’m now getting thoughts of my foot being contaminated despite being washed and bathed. Amazing how the mind can play games. 
im trying to ignore these thoughts so they don’t take hold. I am worried I won’t enjoy going for a run in the future if my foot isn’t clean.

I have almost seen the car as a person with traits that I dislike and are not me. Old mans car, horrible image, design. The fact I had it for so long means I was fighting these traits and worried they became part of me. I didn’t want to be associated with these traits. I wanted something modern and not fussy. Maybe it went beyond being an inanimate object somehow.

I once tried looking at a similar car but it didn’t seem to help. I think maybe the fact the extended time I had the car created the problem and any further exposure to any similar car just re enforces the negative feelings.

finally I may check out the mental contamination book I’m just not sure I can face delving back into the past. However it might be the only way to find resolution. 

Link to comment

It’s like I made a deal with the devil. Because I let the situation go on too long and manifest with the contamination, i couldn’t put closure on the whole experience.  I couldn’t accept this part of my life especially at a young age when my ego was stronger. Like the memory couldn’t be filed away properly.
it’s like the deal was “you’ve failed here , you are weak, the only way you can act now to have any chance of moving on is to reject, avoid, destroy anything that had contact with the car”. 
so that’s hows I’ve lived for years as well as training my mind to stay in the ‘now’. 
I just don’t know how I can change the meaning when it’s such an ingrained thing in my mind. It’s like I’m super aware of things all the time and sticking to the deal I made, in order to survive. 

Link to comment

Which is all completely irrational. 

It was a car. Four wheels. An engine. Went beep when you pressed the horn. Got you from point a to point b. Everything else was lipstick on a pig.

But.... that's why you need to go talk to someone.

Link to comment
12 hours ago, olb said:

As I said if I was moved to another town or country I’d feel free and the problem wouldn’t return.

:wontlisten: Wrong. Don't be fooled by these kind of thoughts. You can't run away from yourself and you can't outrun OCD. The only way out is to turn and face it. Trust me on this. I wasted 30 years believing I could start fresh somewhere new and leave OCD behind. Never, ever works.

12 hours ago, olb said:

I have almost seen the car as a person with traits that I dislike and are not me.

Not a bad way to think of it! The emotional reaction you've had is very similar to taking a strong dislike to someone.

12 hours ago, olb said:

The fact I had it for so long means I was fighting these traits and worried they became part of me. I didn’t want to be associated with these traits. I wanted something modern and not fussy. Maybe it went beyond being an inanimate object somehow.

This is where you're giving meaning to your thoughts/situation. And getting the meaning wrong.

Not wanting to be associated with the traits you dislike is normal. But believing there's some way they could become part of you through association with the car and thinking that the association persists in some way after all this time - these are conclusions you've reached through faulty (OCD) thinking.

12 hours ago, olb said:

I think maybe the fact the extended time I had the car created the problem and any further exposure to any similar car just re enforces the negative feelings.

I'm going to be pedantic here for clarity.

The car didn't cause the problem. Your thoughts and feelings about the car created the problem.

Further exposure to any similar car isn't a problem, but your thinking around the 'new' car does reinforce the negative feelings and keeps the problem going.

12 hours ago, olb said:

finally I may check out the mental contamination book I’m just not sure I can face delving back into the past. However it might be the only way to find resolution. 

You won't find the solution by delving into the past. The problem isn't that you applied faulty (OCD) thinking in the past to create where you're at. The problem is you're still applying the same OCD thinking in the here and now.

So it's the here and now you need to fix.

5 hours ago, olb said:

I just don’t know how I can change the meaning when it’s such an ingrained thing in my mind. It’s like I’m super aware of things all the time and sticking to the deal I made, in order to survive. 

Iknow, it's hugely scary when you've tied up the meaning with your very survival. But it's not impossible to challenge the meaning you gave things in the past.

Really it's no different to putting a new meaning on something as you grow up because you've got better understanding of how things really are. For example, as a young child you may have believed in Santa Claus and thought he must have visited (the meaning) because presents appeared. As you got older you developed new understanding , more experience of the world, and you revised the meaning you attached to presents appearing at Christmas.

This is no different. Back when you had the car you were less knowledgable, less experienced and dealt with the situation by giving it a meaning that made sense at the time. Now you're aware the problem is faulty thinking (giving the situation an incorrect meaning) and you're free to do something about changing it. You don't have to go on believing in Santa Claus (contamination) - unless you want to.

 

Link to comment

Thank you, I wish somehow I could break the link between the past and now. It’s only kept alive by the objects still in existence which once entered the car.
If I am in a situation where no contaminated objects are near, eg I visit a friend in another town and I just have a few belongings, then I feel ok, clean, the past doesn’t affect me in my mind. I think I’ve learned to put those thoughts away.

it’s whatever happened when the contamination thoughts began and went unchallenged that keeps me stuck.
I think the ocd part of my mind says there’s no choice the objects are magically contaminated and are to be avoided or discarded. Once these items are gone you can move on. 
The other parts of my mind are trying but failing to question the ocd. Such as ‘ your parents walk on this floor barefoot or with socks/shoes and touch other items and don’t think twice’ . Because it’s not visible contamination. 
Please don’t think I’m ignoring your previous suggestions I’ve been re reading the posts and trying to work out how to go forward.

I have been waking up with a lower mood lately and motivation is low since the foot incident. This is why I was scared of ERP in the first place. 
One part of my mind says my foot is physically clean but another part of my mind is determined to mark it as contaminated and making me feel doomed.

I am trying to stay aware and question the thoughts so I don’t get dragged down further, I am still just about functioning at work but people noticed I am not happy.

I just kind of wish I didn’t step on the floor barefoot , at least with a sock I could have thrown it out and kept my foot clean. Doing this was helping me function to an extent. 
One thing I enjoy out of work is running but now I am not sure i will feel the same if my foot doesn’t feel clean.

another thought is that I was in the car and my whole body was contaminated many years ago. So why is just touching an object which was in the car for maybe a matter of hours causing this distress?

will the contaminated feelings about my foot pass in time? With hands I think it’s easier as it’s something we wash all the time but feet aren’t quite the same. 
anyway trying to stay positive and I do look forward to your replies it’s kind of you to listen to my problem. 
 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...