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I have had 5 or 6 episodes of OCD in the past couple of years. The first 4 were work based and although the OCD  warped my memories of the events they were based on some truth. Just after Xmas I suffered a particularly bad attack leaving me highly depressed and barely able to function. 

Whilst out walking I had a thought of hurting someone I saw. At the time I remember thinking it's an intrusive thought and thought nothing else of it. A few hours later my head exploded and I thought did you do that?

I am now wracked with guilt. I haver never had an OCD thought that was entirely made up so I am convinced I carried my thoughts out.

I cannot stop thinking about it, checking news reports and even made a scenario up in my mind to see how my mind reacts. This now feels real.

Is it possible my OCD has completely changed how it operates and made this up?

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OCD always makes things up. It always lies, 100% of the time.

Sure, it came up with a new twist for you this time, but you bought into it, decided to treat it as real, and did a bunch of compulsions, which did you no good but did strengthen the thoughts in your mind.

You are ruminating. It's a compulsion and needs to stop. So does checking news reports and making up scenarios.

Leave it alone. Treat the thoughts as the garbage they are.

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Thanks. This is all new to me. I have only just been diagnosed with OCD and talk to my first therapist next week.

I didn't realise the checking etc cemented the ideas until the last few months. I thought I was just trying to make sense of it all.

This is tough!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 01/07/2021 at 15:47, PolarBear said:

OCD always makes things up. It always lies, 100% of the time.

Sure, it came up with a new twist for you this time, but you bought into it, decided to treat it as real, and did a bunch of compulsions, which did you no good but did strengthen the thoughts in your mind.

You are ruminating. It's a compulsion and needs to stop. So does checking news reports and making up scenarios.

Leave it alone. Treat the thoughts as the garbage they are.

Polarbear, last question I promise!

At the time I put the thought down to an intrusive thought. Why hours later did it revisit the thought and make something of it?

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You asked a similar question in your other thread.

Don't become fixated on that question or trying to find an answer. You had an intrusive thought. Now what are you doing? Analyzing it, trying to take it apart, looking for an answer, looking for certainty. 

Leave it alone. You're allowed to.

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