Jump to content

Terrified please help


Recommended Posts

57 minutes ago, Woman said:

It won't feel like that but you nevertheless have to do it against your feelings. That's what therapy if ocd is: Acting against your feelings. Your feelings are fear and doubt. You have to act against them, although it feels wrong. That's how it works. There is no other choice. 

I know you are right what you are saying. I don’t want to feel sad or bad or guilty or like some horrible person anymore. I want to feel like myself.

Link to comment
  • Replies 154
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

I know you are right what you are saying. I don’t want to feel sad or bad or guilty or like some horrible person anymore. I want to feel like myself.

Yeah, I know. In my case it is mainly feeling guilty. But I have to say that that became much better due to ERP.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Nikki79 said:

I know you are right what you are saying. I don’t want to feel sad or bad or guilty or like some horrible person anymore. I want to feel like myself.

Then you have to accept that what's being said is right and despite the symptom of doubt, do you best to follow that advice (which I know you're capable of :) )

....and as a starting point.....I'm going to keep pushing you for that homework.....for you to sit down and spend some time thinking very carefully and for you to come up with a detailed list of all the avoidant or manipulated behaviours you do routinely whilst caring for your Daughter.

Link to comment

It’s hard to list my compulsions as there are probably so many of them. For example I had buckling or unbuckling the buckle on her child car seat. I get freaked out cos it’s hear her area so then it take me a few attempts to do it and then I’m acting weird and then I think I’ve done something weird cos of that… ugh utterly exhausting 

Link to comment
7 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

It’s hard to list my compulsions as there are probably so many of them.

No it's not :)  You just get a piece of paper and write them down as you identify them. So, no excuses, get started!

Link to comment
41 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Do you bathe your little girl or do you try and get your partner to do it when you can?

He does it mostly yes. Shur even the little things trigger me with her, that’s probably why there are so many. 

Link to comment
32 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

He does it mostly yes. Shur even the little things trigger me with her, that’s probably why there are so many. 

That's probably why this awful obsession constantly has the upper hand over you or always returns.  If you want freedom you will have to start looking carefully at these compulsions and gradually to start addressing them. Soooo......I recommend you really work on that list.....not least to shock even yourself just how many safety measures that you've built into your relationship with her.  Not in any way wanting to guilt trip you but so far she's only little and won't notice these things.....it would so pay you both back big time by sorting this before many more years pass.  These things you're avoiding aren't saving anyone, all they do is keep you prisoner :(

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

That's probably why this awful obsession constantly has the upper hand over you or always returns.  If you want freedom you will have to start looking carefully at these compulsions and gradually to start addressing them. Soooo......I recommend you really work on that list.....not least to shock even yourself just how many safety measures that you've built into your relationship with her.  Not in any way wanting to guilt trip you but so far she's only little and won't notice these things.....it would so pay you both back big time by sorting this before many more years pass.  These things you're avoiding aren't saving anyone, all they do is keep you prisoner :(

I agree so much. I even now I’m minding her on my own and I’m nervous, cos sometimes I imagine things and wonder did they happen. It’s pretty scary tbh at times, I can avoid sitting next to her and then get weird tics of moving myself away from her. My mind trying to tell me I’m doing something or want to but I just direct that away from her just in case. I god I’m sorry I didn’t mean to go on so much. 

Link to comment
7 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

So, the question is, are you going to do anything about it?  Are you prepared to work hard to change things?

I have to Caramoole. I can work hard God knows that I’m just scared. I mean I had to change a dirty nappy there now and I’m so anxious after it about what was going through my mind when I noticed thoughts and feelings as I wiped her down. 

Link to comment
6 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Change the message to "Well Done.....I just did that"

It's time to change this Nikki.....Well Done on the nappy change :)

Thank you ? I went in and did what I had to to make sure her bottom was clean. I really wanted to avoid doing it but I didn’t.

What happens after then is I feel uncomfortable and need to check what happened to know there wasn’t anything sinister there. I suppose that’s the rumination I need to stop but at the end of the day I had to wipe her thoroughly and noticed a few things while wiping and of course could feel things whilst doing it had thoughts some kind of reaction that made me worried 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, iamwesker said:

by taking the big step and accepting it's OCD  and then making a list of your compulsions,  trying to refrain from doing them and distracting yourself. you can do it! 

They increased my medication this week and I feel so sedated. I haven’t even been able to function today. I am being plagued then from thoughts at the same time about something yesterday telling me it’s something I need to worry about ? 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

How can I turn this around?

I think that you actually know that NIKKI :(

Yes, okay, you'll get bits where you might feel okay for a bit but unless you sit down and think "I've got to fix this" and then gradually start unravelling this web of compulsions/avoidant behaviour....that's how things will stay.  You have to start exposing yourself to these methods you've created, you have to stop all these protective behaviours......and by that, I don't mean protecting your Daughter.  She doesn't need protecting in this way, you're really trying to protect yourself from feeling fear

Link to comment
16 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

I think that you actually know that NIKKI :(

Yes, okay, you'll get bits where you might feel okay for a bit but unless you sit down and think "I've got to fix this" and then gradually start unravelling this web of compulsions/avoidant behaviour....that's how things will stay.  You have to start exposing yourself to these methods you've created, you have to stop all these protective behaviours......and by that, I don't mean protecting your Daughter.  She doesn't need protecting in this way, you're really trying to protect yourself from feeling fear

I totally agree with that, it’s exactly that I’m trying to protect myself from that fear feeling cos it’s so horrible and scary of course. Right now I have three different ‘worries’ playing out in my head that I’m anxious about. One is the fear have I hurt  my child before? Two is some thoughts I had whilst putting her down for a nap yesterday and wondering did I do anything bad and then three she was leaning on my groin with her knee an hour ago and my brain automatically starting testing and I pulled my groin away to almost scare myself and give me that to worry about. I’m just so stuck and also the meds they gave me are making me so sleepy and groggy. 

Link to comment
25 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Right now I have three different ‘worries’ playing out in my head that I’m anxious about. One is the fear have I hurt  my child before? Two is some thoughts I had whilst putting her down for a nap yesterday and wondering did I do anything bad and then three she was leaning on my groin with her knee an hour ago

Just stop for a minute and tell me why you've told me that :)  You're having similar thoughts all the time and you're focussing your attention on them.  I want you to move a step away from this and put your mind on what you need to do to change this.  How you're going to start to put a plan in place to start to change these behaviours.  Once they change the thoughts that accompany them will do also.  You have to find that seed of determination to make some changes

Link to comment
7 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Just stop for a minute and tell me why you've told me that :)  You're having similar thoughts all the time and you're focussing your attention on them.  I want you to move a step away from this and put your mind on what you need to do to change this.  How you're going to start to put a plan in place to start to change these behaviours.  Once they change the thoughts that accompany them will do also.  You have to find that seed of determination to make some changes

Ok I’ve told you that because it currently has me distressed and being honest I’m looking to get some relief from it someway or how. 
 

Ok what do I need to change this? I need to  stop ruminating on the ‘worries’. I need to be prepared to give up my compulsions ( as you said).  I won’t lie I’m terrified of this as afraid it will make me far worse!! ? 

That seed of determination can be there at times but the fear of these thoughts keeps me stuck cos I fear that I might be guilty of doing bad things . I know you don’t want to hear this but I’m just being honest. 

Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Ok what do I need to change this? I need to  stop ruminating on the ‘worries’. I need to be prepared to give up my compulsions ( as you said).  I won’t lie I’m terrified of this as afraid it will make me far worse!! ? 

Maybe in the short term but that's far better than this carrying on throughout your Daughter's childhood.  As the saying goes, "You can run but you can't hide"  It's not saving you anyway, is it?  You're already in a state and that's because you're endlessly confirming to your brain that there's a danger.

This is why I wanted you to compile a list and then you can rank it in severity.  I already know that there's a procedure around fastening her into the car seat, that you avoid bathing her if you can, procedures about nappy changing.  There'll be hundreds more.  Taking the car seat say, you stop any special avoidences with it and simply Click, Click the buckles in place.  Then you watch for the ruminations.....the "Did I brush against her, was my hand there too long, did I touch her"  You STOP that conversation.  When your mind wanders back to think about it, you stop engaging again.  It can be done Nikki.  You think the thoughts, you engage with them, you can stop having that conversation.   Bathtimes....I don't know what you currently do.....but instead of thinking "Pheewww, thank goodness, Dad's bathing her".......go sit in the bathroom anyway.  Let Dad bath her but you sit in there and chat, again, you stop the rumination and your brain romping away.  You take similar action with other things, starting at those that provoke you the least but you build on that.

16 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I know you don’t want to hear this but I’m just being honest. 

It doesn't affect my day Nikki....it afects you :(  Despite that, what's new?  We're talking about addressing OCD and that involves fear.  No matter what type or who has it, it's something each sufferer has to face uo to.  You're not stopping the fear now anyway.

19 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Ok I’ve told you that because it currently has me distressed and being honest I’m looking to get some relief from it someway or how. 

For 15 minutes perhaps but it's a compulsion that will ensure that the fear remains.

Start that change Nikki, in little ways start today....not next week or next year.  You can get over this but you have to make those changes.  Enrol your partner, your Dad....tell them you want to beat this, ask them to help you face these things you're trying to run from

Link to comment
19 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

Maybe in the short term but that's far better than this carrying on throughout your Daughter's childhood.  As the saying goes, "You can run but you can't hide"  It's not saving you anyway, is it?  You're already in a state and that's because you're endlessly confirming to your brain that there's a danger.

This is why I wanted you to compile a list and then you can rank it in severity.  I already know that there's a procedure around fastening her into the car seat, that you avoid bathing her if you can, procedures about nappy changing.  There'll be hundreds more.  Taking the car seat say, you stop any special avoidences with it and simply Click, Click the buckles in place.  Then you watch for the ruminations.....the "Did I brush against her, was my hand there too long, did I touch her"  You STOP that conversation.  When your mind wanders back to think about it, you stop engaging again.  It can be done Nikki.  You think the thoughts, you engage with them, you can stop having that conversation.   Bathtimes....I don't know what you currently do.....but instead of thinking "Pheewww, thank goodness, Dad's bathing her".......go sit in the bathroom anyway.  Let Dad bath her but you sit in there and chat, again, you stop the rumination and your brain romping away.  You take similar action with other things, starting at those that provoke you the least but you build on that.

It doesn't affect my day Nikki....it afects you :(  Despite that, what's new?  We're talking about addressing OCD and that involves fear.  No matter what type or who has it, it's something each sufferer has to face uo to.  You're not stopping the fear now anyway.

For 15 minutes perhaps but it's a compulsion that will ensure that the fear remains.

Start that change Nikki, in little ways start today....not next week or next year.  You can get over this but you have to make those changes.  Enrol your partner, your Dad....tell them you want to beat this, ask them to help you face these things you're trying to run from

Ok I’m rolling up my sleeves. Will I make this list now? Will I type it here even. 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

Ok I’m rolling up my sleeves. Will I make this list now? Will I type it here even.

:thumbup:

Get the list on paper/ computer first and then decide if you want to share it or not. Main thing is to make the list. It will probably have at least 100 compulsions on it if you're totally honest. Maybe even 200. So don't give up when you get to 10 or 20!

Where there has been a lot of avoidance over a period of time it can help to start with a list of 'My obvious compulsions' and later write a second list of 'My more covert compulsions' which are sneakier but as important in maintaining your fears and thinking.

Sleeves rolled, lets go! :)

Link to comment
13 hours ago, snowbear said:

:thumbup:

Get the list on paper/ computer first and then decide if you want to share it or not. Main thing is to make the list. It will probably have at least 100 compulsions on it if you're totally honest. Maybe even 200. So don't give up when you get to 10 or 20!

Where there has been a lot of avoidance over a period of time it can help to start with a list of 'My obvious compulsions' and later write a second list of 'My more covert compulsions' which are sneakier but as important in maintaining your fears and thinking.

Sleeves rolled, lets go! :)

I did make a list but it wasn’t that long but I was thinking if someone could explain exactly what compulsions are and aren’t I might do better with it. I’m only waking up this morning and habeba few thoughts still bothering me and hoping I can snap out of it. 

Link to comment
17 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I did make a list but it wasn’t that long but I was thinking if someone could explain exactly what compulsions are and aren’t I might do better with it. 

Compulsions generally are things that we do to bring down the anxiety relating to an obsession/intrusive thoughr/fear.  They can take many forms.  Asking for reassurance, rumination, avoidance, saying/thinking neutralising thoughts (I am a good person, I'd never do that), carrying out rituals.

For you, the first two are obvious ones and I imagine there are lots of avoidance ones.  Not wanting to be left alone with her, leaving nappy changes/bathing to others where possible, maybe avoiding nakedness, avoiding touching, hugging, kissing or being very careful around how this is done.  Rituals or caution taken for routine tasks like buckling the car seat or cleaning her at nappy changes.  Avoiding looking at her in these situations.  These might be just a few but take a look at this explanation from the OCD-UK page HERE

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...