Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Good morning everyone,

I'm panicking. I think I did something bad. For the past days I've been having urges to touch my brother (not in a sexual way, just like touch his arm, back or give him a kiss) because I keep telling myself that he looks cute and sweet. And this morning, while helping him get ready for school, I did it. I touched the back of his neck. And it felt sexual because the groinal response was so much more than that. And then immediately after that I felt/thought that I wanted to have s** (I can't say it) with him. I'm panicking. Please help me. 

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Cora said:

Just wanted to add that the urges are very sick and nasty. They are a new level of grossness. And most of the time I feel like I have to stop myself from acting on them. It's really bad...

Notice how you say each time it is getting worse. It’s up to you to stop this cycle! 

Link to comment
5 minutes ago, Hdigtts said:

You stop it by doing something else. You stop trying to find an answer. Have you got your assignment to do?

I have an exam on Thursday and I'm supposed to be revising right now. But I just can't do or focus on anything. I want to but that would be pretending that everything is fine, when in reality it's the complete of opposite of fine. I have no idea how people who are struggling put on a brave face and carry on with their daily activities without feeling like hiding under a rock and crying - they have all my respect and admiration and I wish I could do that. 

Edited by Cora
Link to comment

I'm trying to ignore what is going on in my head regarding my fears but it feels wrong. Yes, I feel free and much better when I don't think about it but it feels wrong. It feels wrong to let it go as if something bad would happen if I stopped ruminating and allowed myself to just move on. This is really hard...

Link to comment

It is hard but that's exactly what you do.  Urges feel strong, you will fee l compelled to think it through but you have to work to resist that urge and eventually it will lessen.  You have to keep working on this Cora like you work on improving anything.

Link to comment
30 minutes ago, Cora said:

I'm trying to ignore what is going on in my head regarding my fears but it feels wrong. Yes, I feel free and much better when I don't think about it but it feels wrong. It feels wrong to let it go as if something bad would happen if I stopped ruminating and allowed myself to just move on. This is really hard...

This is just another way in which OCD is distorting your reality. The truth is the exact opposite of what you say, if you don't stop ruminating and preventing yourself from moving on, something bad will happen (i.e. you allow this illness to keep its grip on you). This is where taking a leap of faith comes in, to you it feels wrong to let go, but experienced people are telling you this is what you must do (not probably/maybe should do, must do!).

5 hours ago, Cora said:

I have no idea how people who are struggling put on a brave face and carry on with their daily activities without feeling like hiding under a rock and crying - they have all my respect and admiration and I wish I could do that. 

I think it's quite brave to say that you're not feeling okay and that you need help. It's okay to struggle, don't put yourself down for it. But also keep in mind that your life has been so hard for the last 2 years and yet you haven't given up. You take care of your brother, work, go to uni. It's hard and you are struggling, but you are keeping your life going and you are one of these people that you should respect and admire!

Link to comment
1 hour ago, malina said:

I think it's quite brave to say that you're not feeling okay and that you need help. It's okay to struggle, don't put yourself down for it. But also keep in mind that your life has been so hard for the last 2 years and yet you haven't given up. You take care of your brother, work, go to uni. It's hard and you are struggling, but you are keeping your life going and you are one of these people that you should respect and admire!

Thank you so so much for this, @malina! You are so kind! 

I will try and focus on the exam for now and just let it go at least for these two days. 

Once again, thank you, malina. And I hope you are okay. 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

It is hard but that's exactly what you do.  Urges feel strong, you will fee l compelled to think it through but you have to work to resist that urge and eventually it will lessen.  You have to keep working on this Cora like you work on improving anything

You are right, @Caramoole. Urges feel strong and it's so hard to not think it through. But I will try harder. 

6 hours ago, Hdigtts said:

I’d go for a walk in that case. Try and clear your mind a little and get some fresh air :)

Thanks, @Hdigtts. I went for a walk and it did help a bit. 

Link to comment

I just had another horrible moment. I went to the kitchen to get some tea and there was my brother finishing up his breakfast. Because of a weird night, I already had a groinal response. I entered the kitchen, he stood up from the table and as he was walking towards me, I had an urge to touch his arm. The urge felt like a desire and even worse, a need because of the groinal. I didn't touch him but it left me thinking that I could do it any time and maybe I even did it in the past. 

I don't understand why I have these awful, awful urges and even more, I don't understand why I can't control myself from acting on them. 

Link to comment
41 minutes ago, Cora said:

 

I don't understand why I have these awful, awful urges and even more, I don't understand why I can't control myself from acting on them. 

Sadly, until you you first find acceptance of this disorder you're going to stay pretty stuck.  It won't help for us to simply repeat these facts.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

Sadly, until you you first find acceptance of this disorder you're going to stay pretty stuck.  It won't help for us to simply repeat these facts.

I do find acceptance, to some level, of this disorder. But here comes my 'but'. The urge was a result of the groinal movement. It's like I had to touch my brother to 'release' it. It's really sick if you think about it. And I know I had similar scenarios in the past as well, but probably not as bad, so that makes the whole thing even sicker.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Cora said:

I do find acceptance, to some level, of this disorder. But here comes my 'but'. The urge was a result of the groinal movement. It's like I had to touch my brother to 'release' it. It's really sick if you think about it. And I know I had similar scenarios in the past as well, but probably not as bad, so that makes the whole thing even sicker.

But which part of this hasn't been explained to you Cora?  It all has many times.....from urges (short for urgency) to sensations in your private parts etc etc.  It has been explained so many times in so many ways........as have the the things that make it worse (compulsions) and the things you can do to start the journey to improvement.  Continuing to go over this is now colluding with you in carrying out compulsions and we can't just carry on doing that.  I know it's hard for you and that it's scary but even so, only you can start to make those changes by following advice and recommendations.

Link to comment
22 minutes ago, Cora said:

No, it has definitely not. 

So, it's not helpful for you keep re-thinking about an incident that you've been told is of no consequence.  If this thought keeps troubling you at the level it is doing it's because you're engaging with the thought and treating it as true, when you've been told it's a symptom of the disorder.  You have to actively work to stop interacting with this thought, to having conversations inside your own head about it, which you're clearly doing.  You can't just think "Oh, I'll ignore it" and hope that it disappears, it's not that simple.  It takes a lot of hard work to repeatedly refuse to let the rumination go on.  Write me down a list of all the compulsions you do after you've had one of these intrusive thoughts.  Think about it carefully and try and identify as many as you can.

Link to comment

I swear, I am losing my mind! 

I keep thinking that my brother is handsome and cute. It's too much. It's happening from the moment when he wakes up to when he goes to sleep. It's not normal because it's constant. And the worst part is that I have urges to give home kisses and hugs. All the time. I'm losing my mind. These urges don't even feel like the ones I used to have. They come from something normal (sister-brother bonding) and morph into something very gross. I feel like a monster! This is not normal! It's not normal to have these constant thoughts and urges. Yes, I love my brother and I'll always think he's sweet but this is too much. Please help me. I don't know how to stop this. 

Link to comment

Cora you've been told what to do..I know it's hard but really you know what to do. You've been told what to do by everyone on here. Only you can now put into practice our advice. We know it's really hard ..if it wasn't then OCD wouldnt be serious but it is

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...