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Compulsions will lead him into trouble.


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Hi

My son is now 30 and living at home as he really would struggle not to. He has had OCD since he was about 14. At 16 we managed to get a referral to CAMHS but that was only available up to either 16 or 18. We jumped through hoops and he finally got a diagnosis in his early 20's. I really don't know anymore where he ends and the OCD begins. Although he is totally harmless his compulsions will lead him into serious trouble. This means neither of us talk about it to anyone and he has never really got the help he needs. He is so lonely and he struggles with the idea of suicide in fact if I'm honest I don't know how he has managed to stay alive. I see my beautiful boy as someone who, because of this dreadful, dreadful illness is desperately lonely and will never reach his potential and it is soul destroying. I am not suicidal but I do know if I wasn't here I wouldn't have to sit and watch my son being eaten away by this illness because I don't know know to help him. Thank you for reading this. 

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I am so sorry you are going through this Samantha. There is so little understanding around OCD. It can be extremely self sabotaging and debilitating. Do you know what his obsessions are that lead to the compulsions? Little by little I believe they can be broken down but it can be a long, difficult process which I am struggling with myself. Does he take any medication? 

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Hi Seahorse 

Thank you for responding to my message. Yes I think I do but I want to tell him its irrational and not true and that by doing the compulsion he is going to get into trouble. But OCD is so secretive and manipulative it can be so confusing. He needs help and I need help because he lives with me. That's the other thing he won't take medication at all. 

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4 hours ago, samantha13 said:

 I want to tell him its irrational and not true and that by doing the compulsion he is going to get into trouble. But OCD is so secretive and manipulative it can be so confusing. He needs help and I need help because he lives with me. That's the other thing he won't take medication at all. 

Hi samantha,

Sadly telling someone their OCD is irrational is of no help whatsoever (as you know.) You say his compulsions are going to get him into trouble, so I'm guessing perhaps his OCD invloves sexual topics? The fear of being misunderstood (OCD checks that you're not aroused being seen as actual interest) can keep people locked in silence for years. So the first thing to do is to explain that you understand that and that help for his OCD is available.

Could he be persuaded to come on the forums and check out similar stories for himself? Recognising he is not alone and that there is a way out of his misery might encourage him to get referred for CBT.

Regardless of whether he's ready to accept help or not, you can still speak to your GP or IAPT services to get support for yourself. You don't need to explain to them what his compulsions are, just how they affect you and your own mental state.

I also recommend trying a self-help book. There are a huge variety to chose from. I won't recommend a specific one just yet as, depending on whether my guess on his compulsions topic is right, some books might be better than others.

Do let us know how you're getting on. :)

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15 hours ago, snowbear said:

Hi samantha,

Sadly telling someone their OCD is irrational is of no help whatsoever (as you know.) You say his compulsions are going to get him into trouble, so I'm guessing perhaps his OCD invloves sexual topics? The fear of being misunderstood (OCD checks that you're not aroused being seen as actual interest) can keep people locked in silence for years. So the first thing to do is to explain that you understand that and that help for his OCD is available.

Could he be persuaded to come on the forums and check out similar stories for himself? Recognising he is not alone and that there is a way out of his misery might encourage him to get referred for CBT.

Regardless of whether he's ready to accept help or not, you can still speak to your GP or IAPT services to get support for yourself. You don't need to explain to them what his compulsions are, just how they affect you and your own mental state.

I also recommend trying a self-help book. There are a huge variety to chose from. I won't recommend a specific one just yet as, depending on whether my guess on his compulsions topic is right, some books might be better than others.o

Do let us know how you're getting on. :)

 

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Hi Snowbear

Thank you for your feedback I wish I had the balls to just tell it like it is but I just can't. Maybe it's because I don't understand the illness enough. Maybe when he gets help I will be able to talk about it more. He has been in touch with our local mental health service but this is not his first attempt to get help so it is hard to stay positive. I don't think he has ever seen a therapist who really knows about OCD and is well practiced in CBT. ??

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On 19/07/2021 at 14:31, samantha13 said:

Maybe it's because I don't understand the illness enough.

Nothing stopping you from reading a self-help book to educate yourself on how OCD works and how CBT works.

Maybe more knowledge would give you the confidence to 'tell it like it is' to your son. And you could leave the book around for him to read as well... :)

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Hi Snowbear

Thank you for your patience with me. I have the book overcoming ocd by David veale and rob willson which I will read but I am all but at the end of my tether with my son. Everyday he goes further down the rabbit hole and I can't really even see him anymore. 

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That's a good book.

It can be a hard truth for a parent to accept that you can't 'fix' your child. The desire to find his way back from this has to come from him.

But what you can do is be there. Show him he's loved even when you don't understand or agree with his behaviour. Keep encouraging him to seek help (without nagging!) Try to get him to talk about the things he wants to do in life, help him see what he's missing out on and what he could have if he decides to tackle his OCD.

Chip away at it with these measures, don't give up on him and you've done a good job as parent and supporter. :)

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