Need advice please

[Davidovergoliath]

I have really been struggling with something for three years now.

I am Pure O and have Harm OCD.

A few years ago I was in a situation where I was with some of my loved ones and I got what I believe to be an sexually intrusive thought and sudden panic over the thought. In my panic I don’t know if the intrusive thought  actually occurred. My panic clouded the whole situation and I don’t have any actual memory of those moments.

I keep trying to wrack my brain to remember anything and I just can’t. It is driving me crazy with worry, doubt and fear. 
 

I am told that I have to accept my uncertainty but I just have to know if I did anything bad to my loved ones.

Does anyone have any advice??? Please??

[PolarBear]

The reason this is driving you crazy is because uou are wracking your brain.

Read the above again and let it sink in.

That wracking of the brain is called rumination. It is a compulsion and IT is causing your distress, not the original thought.

You've been ruminating for three years about this. How's that worked out for you? Are you any closer to an answer?

I'll tell you a truth: no amount of ruminating will give you the answer you seek. BUT, you will stay in distress as long as you keep ruminating. This is a truth.