OCD Therapy and Trauma

[Robin43]

Hello

You may remember from previous posts that I told you all about my experience...I suffer from severe OCD about radiation and the first exposure that my therapist made me do was touch the ionisation chamber of my old smoke detector and then rub my pillowcase, face and clothes with my contaminated hands. I have suffered from severe OCD for 9 years and I feel this was wrong as a first exposure and far, far too much. I later discovered that smoke detectors can leak radioactive material around the chamber and that I shouldn't have done this... DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW THAT MAKES SOMEONE WITH A CRIPPLING FEAR OF RADIATION FEEL? I have been unable to cope since... the reaction of my therapist when I told her was £80 for a daily 30 minute session = £400 per week- way beyond my funds. I have therefore had no therapist since and have been awaiting acceptance for the OHSPIC. The problem is that I am not in a position to even start therapy again. All I think of 24/7 is that I had a radioactive substance in my body and that there is no point in getting better. I went to OCD therapy because I was hopeful of a recovery...of being able to work, make friends etc. Now I cannot even bear to think of the future without bursting into tears, I feel I have no future. I am reliving this exposure in my head all day everyday and I feel unsafe in my own body. I cannot function. I think I have developed trauma from this exposure and the impact that it has had on my life. I just felt I needed to share this with a group of people who will understand. Thank you for listening to me.

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi Robin,

It does sound like you perhaps weren't ready to do the exposure your therapist set you and I can understand if you've looked up further information on smoke detector radiation how this might have bought into all your fears and made everything feel hopeless. I know that right now things don't feel great but if you can get good therapy with OHSPIC they will help you to cope better with how you feel about this exposure exercise and help you move forwards to tackle the OCD. 

I think many people here will identify with that feeling of hopelessness, like you'll never not be bothered by this ever again, but please know that you are not alone and you can get through this 

Gemma

[PolarBear]

So, what are you going to do?

[Robin43]

Thanks @Gemma@OCDUK, I have struggled so badly with this now for 5 months-it is unbearable everyday. And you are right-it feels like this is going to be the rest of my life.

[Robin43]

I don't know @PolarBear, what do you think I should do?

 

[PolarBear]

Change.

Tell yourself that this isn't about radiation but your reaction to it.

If you haven't already, stop Googling about radiation snd smoke detectors and anything else.

If you have saved links to research on rhe above, get rid of them. Same goes for snything you printed out.

Start filling your mind, your life, with orher things. You have a whole life to live, don't let this one hiccup be the sum total of who you are. 

 

[Robin43]

Thanks @PolarBear, but what I actually done was risky as I asked the RPA at Medical Physics at our hospital. He said that is the way you would treat a fear of germs, but not a fear of radiation. I was actually put in danger by my therapist. So to ignore this would be like not going to get tests done if you thought you had something else wrong with you. Turning my attention to something else won't work because this isn't just OCD, it is a real actual thing that happened.

[PolarBear]

Actually, it will work. 

You have as much admitted that you are stuck. You research, talk to people and ruminate constantly. It's always on your mind, as you say.

Where is that getting you? What good is coming out of this? 

All those compulsions do is keep you stuck, right where you are. 

You say you cannot function. Do you think talking to another expert is going to make you function again? Do you think spending another year, or 5 or 10, thinking about this is going to get you out of the rut you find yourself in?

You have a choice. You can keep doing what you have been doing with the result that you will stay stuck, or change your thinking and behavior, move on and start living again.

[Robin43]

Thank you all, but due to my extreme fear of radiation and this being my first exposure, I think I have been left with trauma-I am reliving the event and I feel unsafe in my own body now.

[PolarBear]

If you don't want to learn how to get past this, then what are you looking for?

[snowbear]

1 hour ago, Robin43 said:

Thank you all, but due to my extreme fear of radiation and this being my first exposure, I think I have been left with trauma-I am reliving the event and I feel unsafe in my own body now.

Hi Robin,

I don't doubt that this experience has traumatised you.

The way to deal with trauma is to reframe how you look at the event.

And in case you haven't sussed it yet...

The way to deal with OCD is to reframe your thoughts. (Change the interpretion you give them.)

Conveniently - it's the same process!  And very do-able regardless of how traumatised you've been or how deeply embedded in OCD fears you currently are.

So, where to start.

The interpretation you put on things determines how you will feel and how you will react (behave.)

Your interpretation of the smoke alarm event is that you've been exposed to serious amounts of radiation which has potential serious consequences.

An equally valid interpretation is that you were indeed exposed to a certain level of radiation, but your anxiety and behavioural response is excessive. The risk and consequences are not as serious as you have imagined.

 

8 hours ago, Robin43 said:

So to ignore this would be like not going to get tests done if you thought you had something else wrong with you.

Again, this is one possible interpretation. But it's not the only way of looking at it.

An equally valid interpretation is that you can safely ignore this because the problem is anxiety (OCD) and not the radiation. You wouldn't expect to have heart surgery as a treatment for anxiety about your heart. So why seek tests for something that is anxiety about radiation?

At the moment you're only able to imagine one possible way of looking at this. That you've been exposed, that the risks are real, that you should take every precaution. That you're right to worry.

If you want to get better you have to accept that your interpretation could be wrong.

Can you accept that the problem here is your level of anxiety, not the level of radiation exposure?

When you reframe the problem it changes how you feel and how you behave as a result.

Turning the clock back and not being exposed to some risk in the past isn't possible. Focus on that and the result is you'll feel anxious. You do compulsions to check your risk/exposure level and your health. There is no way to make things better.

However, having high anxiety about an episode of radiation exposure is something you can treat and resolve. Frame it in those terms and you have a problem you can sort.

Focus on reducing your anxiety about the radiation. NOT on reducing your anxiety because of the radiation.

With this approach you don't have to deny there was actual risk, real radiation etc. It happened. Fine.

But your response to what happened is now more of a problem than the event itself. That's what you need to (and can) treat.

[Caramoole]

Listen to the Bears

[Robin43]

Thank you @PolarBear, @snowbearand @Caramoole. I really appreciate the time you have taken to reply to me. I have actually booked to get a few sessions with a Counsellir to help me to process this trauma. I hope my referral for OHSPIC doesn't come too soon as I just feel I wouldn't be in a position to start ERP again after what has happened to me after this incident. I feel what the therapist did to me was so cruel-it was my first exposure and I have totally list faith in ERP now.

[Handy]

It’s called Radiophobia OCD. It was more prevalent after the Fukushima nuclear plant thing. 
 

I saw a story of a 17 year old girl that got it then. She tried CBT & it didn’t change.  She went back to college & got over it by being busy. That’s the story not advice for treating it.