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10 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

Scott it’s relentless, I’ve had it 21 years now on and off. Like at the moment it’s fixating on thoughts and images that seem to tell me I might have done harm to my daughter some time ago. It just came in tonight as I was worrying about it and how would you deal with that? 

Well - did you think that before?

If this concern has just popped up, ask yourself "Why now?"

Be rational - ask yourself "out of all this time, why has this thought occurred to me now and not before?". The answer is your OCD.

 

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3 minutes ago, Scott said:

Well - did you think that before?

If this concern has just popped up, ask yourself "Why now?"

Be rational - ask yourself "out of all this time, why has this thought occurred to me now and not before?". The answer is your OCD.

 

I don’t know but perhaps I remember my daughter being in a similar position whilst minding her on the couch.

it popped up now cos I was thinking about similar worries.

yes the answer is OCD so what now?

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

yes the answer is OCD so what now?

 

Come on Nikki.......one more person reassuring you isn't going to help.  Scott has shared his experience which is kind but you've got to watch this compulsion

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1 minute ago, Caramoole said:

Come on Nikki.......one more person reassuring you isn't going to help.  Scott has shared his experience which is kind but you've got to watch this compulsion

I’m just struggling so much Caramoole these images and things that felt familiar are getting me 

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Just now, PolarBear said:

Do you realize that checking those pictures and videos was a compulsion and was the worst thing you could do?

I do. It was so stupid but the weird thing is I had more thoughts/images after that have worried me more now.

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Just now, PolarBear said:

Yeah. Compulsions don't work. They make matters worse. Learn from that.

I was so anxious about other thoughts I was having I mist have thought it would help. Now I’m stuck on some images that I don’t know is important as it might be remembering something although I sincerely hope not.

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Just now, PolarBear said:

Yeah. Compulsions don't work. They make matters worse. Learn from that.

Agreed.

When you recognise the various obsessions you then recognise what compulsions are as well.  But fulfilling the compulsion just makes you keep obsessing.

Its hard though not to give in.

 

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1 minute ago, Nikki79 said:

I was so anxious about other thoughts I was having I mist have thought it would help. Now I’m stuck on some images that I don’t know is important as it might be remembering something although I sincerely hope not.

Can you not find something to occupy your mind? That works for me.

Reading, surfing the net (anything except the obsession of course) - video games?

Video games take all your concentration and I've found they help me unwind. 

 

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Just now, Scott said:

Can you not find something to occupy your mind? That works for me.

Reading, surfing the net (anything except the obsession of course) - video games?

Video games take all your concentration and I've found they help me unwind. 

 

I feel guilty for leaving the worry in case I’m guilty. That’s what happens me.

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5 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I feel guilty for leaving the worry in case I’m guilty. That’s what happens me.

When I was growing up I saw some awful things. Things that never left my head.

 

3 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I feel like I’m a hopeless case.

That's what OCD makes you feel though -its an anxiety disorder that feeds off your misery.

You're not hopeless.

You're telling yourself you are, but you're not.

Edited by Scott
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1 minute ago, Scott said:

When I was growing up I saw some awful things. Things that never left my head.

 

That's what OCD makes you feel though -its an anxiety disorder that feeds off your misery.

You're not hopeless.

 

Thank you mate. I just want to turn all this around and not feel so bad all the time. 

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16 minutes ago, Nikki79 said:

I’m just struggling so much Caramoole 

That's because you're trying to make this stop by using compulsions.  What would your therapist say?  Would she advise you hat this is a good method or would she tell you that it makes things worse?

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4 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

That's because you're trying to make this stop by using compulsions.  What would your therapist say?  Would she advise you hat this is a good method or would she tell you that it makes things worse?

She would tell me to do ERP actually and imagine the worst and keep going over it a few times a week. 

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Hi guys as you know I’m a member who is really struggling at the moment. I probably feel about as bad as I could feel now but I have in my head and my heart that there is never going to be a time when I’m going to be in the ‘right’ place to get better. Things are about as bad as they can get. I don’t even know what to say in this post only I’m desperate to be well, desperate to be happy again and have my life back ? 

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Hey Nikki… sorry you are in a bad place… are you seeing a therapist? What is your recovery plan? OCD is a serious illness, but with CBT/ERP plus medication if needed this thing can be overcome, that is the good news ❤️

Edited by bahiano
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2 minutes ago, bahiano said:

Hey Nikki… sorry you are in a bad place… are you seeing a therapist? What is your recovery plan? OCD is a serious illness, but with CBT/ERP plus medication if needed this thing can be overcome, that is the good news ❤️

I see a Psychologist most weeks at the moment. I’m also steadily being put up to a high dose of sertaline and I take olanazapine at night. 

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Hey Nikki as hard as it is, you know how to handle these situations and have the strength to do so.  It may seem impossible but you will be okay. Most important thing is to simply not respond to the thoughts or urges.  Accept that they are there but remember they have no meaning.  

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11 minutes ago, Mulligan said:

Hey Nikki as hard as it is, you know how to handle these situations and have the strength to do so.  It may seem impossible but you will be okay. Most important thing is to simply not respond to the thoughts or urges.  Accept that they are there but remember they have no meaning.  

Hi Mulligan. You see the struggle for me is the constant underlying worry did I ever harm my child? This fuels it all. Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Loved ones have all told me I’m not capable of what I worry about, yet it still bothers me. 

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23 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

But  is it too late Snowbear? I went and checked my photos and videos and had more familiar thoughts

As long as you keep doing these compulsions you're going to stay stuck.

You checked photos - compulsion. The result? You had more of the familiar thoughts. Well no surprise there then. That's like climbing into the fridge shutting the door and then complaining you're cold.

But it's never too late. You can turn this kind of incident around at any second.

On your way to the photo album...(Thinks...this is a checking compulsion. Turn around and don't check)

Looking through the photos (This is a compulsion. Close the album and walk away)

Every step of the way, every thought, every guilty response... each is yet another opportunity to stop doing even more compulsions.

 

22 hours ago, Nikki79 said:

the thoughts and compulsions are sneaky but I mostly recognize them im just weak at doing what I should do.

So, what will make you feel stronger? What can you do to get yourself to that point where resistance feels possible?

Only you can decide what is going to get you there. I will tell you though, it won't be anything external. No therapist, forum advice, change in circumstances or outside force is going to get you there. This has to come from you. From within. A point where you decide you want your life back.

Or - dare I say it - the point where you realise you're doing more ongoing harm to your daughter by giving in to OCD day after day than you ever could have done by doing the things you fear and obsess over.

When, when, when, Nikki? If you're not ready to challenge your OCD right now that's ok. Just as long as you work out a plan to get yourself to the point where you are ready. No plan = going nowhere, ever.

You're not going to magically wake up one day feeling stronger. You have to work at getting stronger. Build up your resistance muscles over time. The sooner you start the sooner it will be possible to resist. No resistance workout = no strength to resist, ever.

Next time you feel powerless to resist, ask yourself what has to change to enable you to feel strong enough. Set goals to get yourself to that place. Set a time frame so you can see if you're on track or falling back into old ways.

Your dad's advice is good! Get angry! Get stubborn. Put as much effort into resisting the compulsions as you put into doing them and you could be cured in a matter of weeks! It's all about which side of the fence you want to put your resolve on. Are you holding the fence up, keeping yourself prisoner? Or pushing it over so you can walk to freedom? Same amount of effort, only difference is which side of the battle you put your efforts into.

(*Edit:  I've merged this with your latest thread, Nikki, as I hope I've addressed the questions you raised there in this post.)

Edited by snowbear
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