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Still having that bad feeling of not doing compulsions, is it normal?


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Hi all,

I wonder whether this is normal to have a very bad feeling of not doing compulsions. I am having thoughts mostly about my son like 'please die finally', ... These thoughts really hurt me. I do not want anyone to die. I used to wash my hands and everything I touched while having this type of thoughts to prevent them from happening or to neutralize them. This is my third week without these compulsions but I am sooo scared that those thoughts will come true now and I cannot get rid of that feeling. I am really scared of those thoughts. Is anyone facing something similar? How did you deal with that bad feeling while rejecting compulsions? Thank you

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Hi, sometimes it takes longer. However I found by not doing compulsions the thoughts are still present. Which is not what I was expecting.  I’m not talking about ruminating, but intrusive thoughts, which are thoughts I don’t put there myself. It’s kind of disappointing because the forum talks so much about how it’s the way to do things.  

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I think we have to keep using our mindfulness tools, allowing the thoughts to come and go like clouds drifting across the sky, without engaging with them. Label it, "there's that fear thought again" then let it be. The more we struggle against thoughts and emotions, the more they stick around. It takes many months of practice, but it can be done. 

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6 hours ago, Handy said:

Hi, sometimes it takes longer. However I found by not doing compulsions the thoughts are still present. Which is not what I was expecting.  I’m not talking about ruminating, but intrusive thoughts, which are thoughts I don’t put there myself. It’s kind of disappointing because the forum talks so much about how it’s the way to do things.  

I don't think anyone promises thoughts will go away by not doing compulsions, just that the thoughts stop mattering as much and we can learn to not give them the attention they deserve :) Hang in there!

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18 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Stop paying attention to it. If you do pay attention, you'll get more wotked up and soon you'll be doing more compulsions. 

Remember, they're just thoughts. They mean nothing unless you give them meaning. 

Thank you for your reply. It is so hard, there are some thoughts I can't even remember so they do not bother me anymore but on the other hand this particular thought remains and it is like I can see it or feel it everywhere. I am literally so scared of not doing compulsions while having such a horrible thought as now it feels like it is gonna really happen. It has been three weeks now and I still cannot let it just be because I am so scared.

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11 hours ago, Handy said:

Hi, sometimes it takes longer. However I found by not doing compulsions the thoughts are still present. Which is not what I was expecting.  I’m not talking about ruminating, but intrusive thoughts, which are thoughts I don’t put there myself. It’s kind of disappointing because the forum talks so much about how it’s the way to do things.  

Yeah I understand, this is so hard. The most of those thoughts do not bother me anymore but this particular one is still there. I just can't get rid of it and although I am not trying to pay attention to it, it is like a sticky trash ?

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5 hours ago, Stace said:

I think we have to keep using our mindfulness tools, allowing the thoughts to come and go like clouds drifting across the sky, without engaging with them. Label it, "there's that fear thought again" then let it be. The more we struggle against thoughts and emotions, the more they stick around. It takes many months of practice, but it can be done. 

I understand what you mean. It is just the fear that now I haven't clean literally anything and I am scared as hell that those thoughts are gonna happen :(

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5 hours ago, ivybasil said:

I don't think anyone promises thoughts will go away by not doing compulsions, just that the thoughts stop mattering as much and we can learn to not give them the attention they deserve :) Hang in there!

Also in case of so horrible thoughts like mine are?

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Hi Belina,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling. When trying to avoid doing compulsions, OCD will try its absolute best to grab your attention. This might include feelings of guilt or even urges to relieve the 'bad feeling'. This is all just a part of OCD. Fearing the thoughts and sensations will only increase the intensity of OCD. I understand it can feel quite overwhelming, but the best thing to do is to sit with the uncomfortable sensations no matter how loud or real they feel. It will feel difficult at first but you are already doing so well by not giving into your compulsions so well done. When these sensations/urges/feelings arise, try not to fear them and let them pass like cloud as Stace has mentioned. This will decrease the intensity of the thoughts/feelings and you will begin to see OCD for what it is :) 

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I’m on about 2 years not doing a specific compulsion.  Yes, the thoughts came true so that was pretty disappointing. Then things kind of calmed a bit.

Belina, I want you to be aware some people giving advice are on anti anxiety medication.  If they took their advice & it worked, they logically would not need medication. The medication becomes the compulsion, however. It’s possible to do it without medication, just takes more courage. 

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20 minutes ago, Handy said:

Belina, I want you to be aware some people giving advice are on anti anxiety medication.  If they took their advice & it worked, they logically would not need medication. The medication becomes the compulsion, however. It’s possible to do it without medication, just takes more courage. 

Meowwww! :D

 

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57 minutes ago, Handy said:

I’m on about 2 years not doing a specific compulsion.  Yes, the thoughts came true so that was pretty disappointing. Then things kind of calmed a bit.

Belina, I want you to be aware some people giving advice are on anti anxiety medication.  If they took their advice & it worked, they logically would not need medication. The medication becomes the compulsion, however. It’s possible to do it without medication, just takes more courage. 

You know nothing about me and the courage it took to face a 40-year debilitating OCD disorder head on.

How DARE you judge me.

Edited by PolarBear
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On 20/08/2021 at 16:06, Belina said:

Also in case of so horrible thoughts like mine are?

Absolutely! The thoughts only seem horrible because at the moment, you see them as more important than they are :) I read in a book somewhere that OCD makes us feel special in the worst way: why would your thoughts be so bad compared to everyone else that treatment wouldn't work? Don't let OCD tell you that you can't get better! :) 

Edited by ivybasil
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16 hours ago, Handy said:

Belina, I want you to be aware some people giving advice are on anti anxiety medication.  If they took their advice & it worked, they logically would not need medication. The medication becomes the compulsion, however. It’s possible to do it without medication, just takes more courage. 

This comes across as incredibly disrespectful. It's not a matter of courage at all. It's medical treatment, pure and simple. For me, medication was essential before I could gain a little more perspective and it helps me get my body under enough control that I can the advice I've suggested and others have on this forum. Maybe my brain doesn't process its chemicals properly and the meds help. So what? Does that mean I'm any less brave for dealing with my OCD? Medication is rarely the whole solution for people with OCD - it just means I have the breathing space to do the CBT work! My medication isn't a compulsion - it helps me react better to the obsessions (ie. not react!)

Please, don't speak so dismissively of other people's advice and experiences. Recovery isn't a competition. 

Consider it like having diabetes. Some people need to take tablets for a little while but can eventually control it themselves through diet. Others need medication for life because something in their body doesn't work quite as it should. Why is OCD different? 

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14 minutes ago, ivybasil said:

This comes across as incredibly disrespectful.

You should see some of the replies he/she has sent to potentially very vulnerable people in the past, both here, & on the "other OCD forum"! 

Handy used to be on here under another guise, & still uses the same name on the "other forum". I am not sure what went on in the past, but left here in mysterious circumstances, but likes to keep a hand in controversial posts.

He/she sounds really bitter & twisted to me.

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On 21/08/2021 at 01:15, Bismah said:

Hi Belina,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling. When trying to avoid doing compulsions, OCD will try its absolute best to grab your attention. This might include feelings of guilt or even urges to relieve the 'bad feeling'. This is all just a part of OCD. Fearing the thoughts and sensations will only increase the intensity of OCD. I understand it can feel quite overwhelming, but the best thing to do is to sit with the uncomfortable sensations no matter how loud or real they feel. It will feel difficult at first but you are already doing so well by not giving into your compulsions so well done. When these sensations/urges/feelings arise, try not to fear them and let them pass like cloud as Stace has mentioned. This will decrease the intensity of the thoughts/feelings and you will begin to see OCD for what it is :) 

Thank you @Bismah for all your kind words and explanation. This is really a helpfull and helping me understand my problem from a perspective I cannot see right now. Thank you so much :)

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On 22/08/2021 at 18:43, ivybasil said:

Absolutely! The thoughts only seem horrible because at the moment, you see them as more important than they are :) I read in a book somewhere that OCD makes us feel special in the worst way: why would your thoughts be so bad compared to everyone else that treatment wouldn't work? Don't let OCD tell you that you can't get better! :) 

Thank you @ivybasil for your reply and all your kind words and help :) I am just really scared that not doing my washing rituals will cause that those thoughts will come true :(

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59 minutes ago, Belina said:

Thank you @ivybasil for your reply and all your kind words and help :) I am just really scared that not doing my washing rituals will cause that those thoughts will come true :(

Something that helped me was when my therapist pointed out that the only intrusive thoughts I find myself believing are the upsetting ones! I'm sitting here thinking 'I'm going to win the lottery' and yet, it hasn't happened! If the positive thoughts that flit into our minds don't necessarily come true, why should the ones that upset us? :) 

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21 minutes ago, ivybasil said:

Something that helped me was when my therapist pointed out that the only intrusive thoughts I find myself believing are the upsetting ones! I'm sitting here thinking 'I'm going to win the lottery' and yet, it hasn't happened! If the positive thoughts that flit into our minds don't necessarily come true, why should the ones that upset us? :) 

The same pointed out my therapist :D And also she used an example with a lottery :)

I understand the point but my brain (or OCD) keeps fighting back all the time. Have you suffered from some similar thoughts? And have you recovered? :)

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On 21/08/2021 at 17:45, PolarBear said:

You know nothing about me and the courage it took to face a 40-year debilitating OCD disorder head on.

How DARE you judge me.

I read your book. 

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11 hours ago, Belina said:

The same pointed out my therapist :D And also she used an example with a lottery :)

I understand the point but my brain (or OCD) keeps fighting back all the time. Have you suffered from some similar thoughts? And have you recovered? :)

I agree - it's much easier said than done, isn't it? I think because the reaction doesn't always feel under our control, it makes it harder to think like that in the moment. 

Definitely - it took me a long time to realise the thoughts I was having were intrusive and nothing to do with who I am as a person. I don't have kids, but I worry about people dying a lot and the 'maybe I want that to happen' thought can be so traumatic! My compulsions are generally mental ones - I try and avoid thinking about the things that scare me and feel like I can't allow my brain to not have a distraction, or avoid things that might trigger these thoughts.

I can handle this much better now, though! I still have bad days now and then, but I'm in a much better place now than I was before I was diagnosed. I can recognise the thoughts as 'just thoughts' and trust that the anxiety will pass, even if it's uncomfortable for a little while. I know I have support here if I need it, and from the Zoom groups and that makes the world of difference if I'm having a bad day! But it always passes, and over time, I'm definitely reacting less to the thoughts. :) Other people find that they can no longer be affected by OCD at all. You can get through this, and you're definitely not alone.

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11 hours ago, ivybasil said:

I agree - it's much easier said than done, isn't it? I think because the reaction doesn't always feel under our control, it makes it harder to think like that in the moment. 

Definitely - it took me a long time to realise the thoughts I was having were intrusive and nothing to do with who I am as a person. I don't have kids, but I worry about people dying a lot and the 'maybe I want that to happen' thought can be so traumatic! My compulsions are generally mental ones - I try and avoid thinking about the things that scare me and feel like I can't allow my brain to not have a distraction, or avoid things that might trigger these thoughts.

I can handle this much better now, though! I still have bad days now and then, but I'm in a much better place now than I was before I was diagnosed. I can recognise the thoughts as 'just thoughts' and trust that the anxiety will pass, even if it's uncomfortable for a little while. I know I have support here if I need it, and from the Zoom groups and that makes the world of difference if I'm having a bad day! But it always passes, and over time, I'm definitely reacting less to the thoughts. :) Other people find that they can no longer be affected by OCD at all. You can get through this, and you're definitely not alone.

Wow, you are sooo brave! Really. I have stopped doing all my washing rituals but now I keep thinking whether it is ok, what if I should just clean the floor, then I catch myself like I am literally watching the baby what is he touching so I know what I have to clean because somehow I think that those thoughts are there and if I do not clean it they will come true. It is like neverending cycle.

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11 hours ago, Belina said:

Wow, you are sooo brave! Really. I have stopped doing all my washing rituals but now I keep thinking whether it is ok, what if I should just clean the floor, then I catch myself like I am literally watching the baby what is he touching so I know what I have to clean because somehow I think that those thoughts are there and if I do not clean it they will come true. It is like neverending cycle.

You're brave too! :) You're already challenging your OCD by talking about it! And stopping your washing rituals is AMAZING! Congratulations! I hope you can see how wonderful that is, despite the anxiety! The important thing to remember is that it is okay not to do those rituals and although the anxiety is horrible now, eventually it'll pass. Eventually the anxiety has nothing to do but fade and it'll become easier. 

I like to imagine it like going up a hill - the anxiety does go up in distressing situations, but eventually, I come over the top of the mountain and it does drop again. And hopefully the next hill is a smaller one ?

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4 hours ago, ivybasil said:

You're brave too! :) You're already challenging your OCD by talking about it! And stopping your washing rituals is AMAZING! Congratulations! I hope you can see how wonderful that is, despite the anxiety! The important thing to remember is that it is okay not to do those rituals and although the anxiety is horrible now, eventually it'll pass. Eventually the anxiety has nothing to do but fade and it'll become easier. 

I like to imagine it like going up a hill - the anxiety does go up in distressing situations, but eventually, I come over the top of the mountain and it does drop again. And hopefully the next hill is a smaller one ?

Yeah, I know, it is sooo hard. Although I do not feel any anxiety since I had an intrusive thoughts my brain keeps questioning whether it is ok and safe not to do any of washing rituals. What if now those thoughts will come true as I haven't prevent those thoughts from happening. This is what scares me a lot. Like for example now I was taking some things that I was not using for a very long time from a shelf and I suddenly remembered that I had some horrible thought while putting them there and I haven't cleaned it since then - it was maybe a half a year ago and now I took them of and there was a dust and it fall on the floor so now I have a feeling like those thoughts are literally everywhere and my baby boy is playing around and touching everything so it is like I have no chance to clean those thoughts from all surfaces. Although I know how crazy this sounds and I know that my hands or touching something while having those horrible thoughts has nothing to do with those thoughts and that it doesn't work this way and I cannot have my thoughts in my hands but still the feeling is so real and hence I am scared that I am doing actually wrong when I have stopped cleaning everything and washing my hands because of those thoughts. I mean that I am scared that now all those thoughts will come true and they can kill or hurt someone or someone will be seriously ill now. I do not have any problem to distract myself as I have a baby and there is so much to do around him but the bad feeling is still somewhere there behind. It is hard to explain :)

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