You see, This is OCD.

[Ashley]

I have struggled the last couple of weeks with OCD and I didn't want to talk or write it down. I ended with a mish mash of words that ended up with this... a sort of poem (I say sort of, I wouldn't know poetry if it smacked me in the face) 

 

You see, This is OCD

Lungs gasping for breath, 
Bleach fumes consume
Neck cranes at window, 
Seeking one desperate breath of air 

You see
That is OCD

Dettol sprayed furiously
Not because cleaning is enjoyed
Because thoughts bombard 

You see
That is OCD

Hand and arms getting redder 
But I’m determined to get better
Hands getting sore
OCD feels such a necessary bore

You see
That is OCD

Sexual body fluids fright
But don’t excite 
Sexual interaction is fun for all but a fleeting moment

You see
That is OCD

Thoughts of disgust and shame bombard,
I must, I must, I must or I am a bad person
Scream the thoughts

You see
That is OCD

Going to bed at night creates fears 
In case my body unconsciously erupts creating fears

You see
That is OCD

It consumes, it dictates
My life is no longer my own

You see
That is OCD

Unique to me are my fears
Sometimes close to tears 
Surviving, fighting, dying inside

You see
That is OCD

Unwanted thoughts cascade 
Just like other manifestations of OCD

Compelled to conduct compulsions
Just like other manifestations of OCD

You see
That is OCD 

And that is why I must, I WILL recover
My life will be my own
 

[Lollipop]

Great piece of writing @Ashley

Thank you, once again, for your openness. 

Keep heading in the right direction!

[snowbear]

Wow. Powerful poetry. And hopeful too. I hope you'll share it with our members in the next magazine.

[PolarBear]

Very real, Ashley. Thank you.

[Ashley]

Thank you for your nice comments all

On 03/09/2021 at 16:00, Lollipop said:

Thank you, once again, for your openness. 

To be honest Lollipop, it's the fact I am struggling to be completely open about this that sort of led to me jotting a few lines that ended up like this.  If only I could open up to a therapist 

 

On 03/09/2021 at 16:46, snowbear said:

Wow. Powerful poetry. And hopeful too. I hope you'll share it with our members in the next magazine.

Thanks Snowbear.  Not sure it's positive enough for the magazine. I might use it if we need to fill space for the winter magazine but I am not sure it's good enough.  We already have four submitted for the September magazine that are far better than mine  

I did wonder if maybe there is a way to get some use out of it for OCD Awareness Week somehow... as although it's my story it ended up being more about showing what OCD can be like. 

[L.M.]

Wonderful and powerful Ashley. Thank you for sharing that. Gave me shivers reading it as I could relate so well. May we all journey on together to good recovery.

 

[Lollipop]

8 hours ago, Ashley said:

Thank you for your nice comments all

To be honest Lollipop, it's the fact I am struggling to be completely open about this that sort of led to me jotting a few lines that ended up like this.  If only I could open up to a therapist 

 

Thanks Snowbear.  Not sure it's positive enough for the magazine. I might use it if we need to fill space for the winter magazine but I am not sure it's good enough.  

Positive or not Ashley it's real and true and that's what sufferers need to hear. Plus by keeping talking about it's showing others that if their recovery journey doesn't go from a to b in a straight line that's okay too. 

I hope you can work with a therapist that you're comfortable with soon to address this.