Knowing What is OCD or Genuine Cause for Concern

[Busy Fool]

Hello, I’m new to this site.  I have recently been diagnosed with OCD and have had some CBT but this has finished now.

I did make improvements but I seem to be getting worse again.  My main thing is contamination.

My husband has a cold sore which never bothered me in the past but suddenly I'm struggling.  I am sitting here having touched the bathroom sink with the sleeves of my top.  I took the top off but in doing so, I touched my hair with my sleeves!  I have put another top on and this has touched my hair and I worry about my family touching me.  I’m fighting not washing my hair as I’ve already had a shower this evening.  I’m not sure if I should be genuinely worried about this, so a chance of getting a cold sore as we wash our hands in the sink (after applying cold sore cream) and clean our teeth, or if it’s my OCD.  If I have a shower, am I giving in to OCD or being sensible.  I’m driving myself mad.

Every time I think I’m getting better, something like this happens.  My hands are sore and my brain is fried.

Sorry for the rant and I’m not after reassurance, I am just sick of going round in circles.

Edited September 9, 2021 by Busy Fool

[Gary S]

You ever tried to tell yourself 

I'd love a cold sore they look mint?

Or 

Cold sores are ace, we could have matching ones.

I'm not being flippant or patronising just saying taking the fuel away from your OCD might slow it down 

[PolarBear]

The fact that this is driving you mad is proof that this is all OCD. Everything you did to fix the problem was a compulsion, did not fix the problem and made your situation worse. Do nothing more.

[Busy Fool]

Thank you both.  I managed to not wash my hair last night  This morning though, I have done it again whilst washing my hands!  I changed my top avoiding my hair but instead the sleeves touched my trousers so I've changed those.  I am struggling to stop the compulsions as I don't know if it's real or not.  I don't know where to start to help myself as the CBT has finished.

[snowbear]

18 hours ago, Busy Fool said:

I’m not sure if I should be genuinely worried about this, so a chance of getting a cold sore as we wash our hands in the sink (after applying cold sore cream) and clean our teeth, or if it’s my OCD.  If I have a shower, am I giving in to OCD or being sensible. 

It's all 100% OCD. Being sensible is not kissing the person with a cold sore directly on the sore and him washing his hands once after he's applied the cream. You don't need to do anything else whatsoever.

 

18 hours ago, Busy Fool said:

having touched the bathroom sink with the sleeves of my top.  I took the top off but in doing so, I touched my hair with my sleeves!  I have put another top on and this has touched my hair and I worry about my family touching me.

This is called mental tracking, where you imagine that contact from one surface to another carries the 'contamination' (risk of getting a cold sore) and that the risk goes on ad infinitum. No matter how many surfaces are touched, the risk is never diluted in your head whereas in reality the first contact risk was neglible and all subsequent contacts were zero risk.

There is no real risk from touching the bathroom sink with your bare hands!  Everything you did was 100% compulsions fuelled by anxiety.

For now, try to stop yourself from changing clothes, hair washing or showering. Just carry on with your day without doing anything extra at all. When you feel more confident you could try doing an exposure where you touch the sink with your hands and don't wash them. This example should also give you an idea of actual risk (that it's safe to do) for comparison against your OCD response of cleaning every tiny contact after clothes brushing the sink.

[Busy Fool]

Thank you Snowbear.  I've really struggled today.  My husband is so careful when he has a cold sore and I know deep down that I'm being ridiculous.  I am the same when I'm out; if someone walks passed me swinging a mask in their hand, I feel that it's touched me and I need to change my clothes.  Bins are another big thing for me.  Even being next to a bin makes me think I've touched it.  Just now, I feel I've touched a bin at home where I know there are cold sore things in and I've changed my clothes but this resulted in the clothes touching me to take them off and now I feel I need a shower.  I really hate feeling like this.

[snowbear]

8 minutes ago, Busy Fool said:

if someone walks passed me swinging a mask in their hand, I feel that it's touched me and I need to change my clothes.  Bins are another big thing for me.  Even being next to a bin makes me think I've touched it.

When anxiety levels are high you can get something called 'thought-action fusion'. Your brain is in such a heightened state of arousal that just thinking 'that was close, it nearly touched me' is enough to convince you that something actually touched you - even if your eyes and other senses tell you there was no contact.

Two things you can do.

1. Recognise when it's happening and do some simple relaxation (eg. breathing or muscle tense and relax) exercises to reduce your arousal level

2. Now you understand how your brain fools you, refuse to engage with the feeling there's something that needs action and don't engage with the doubts and questions that start to run through your head. Don't give in to the urge to check or clean 'just in case' as this reinfoces the belief the 'near miss' was actual danger. Shrug it all off as 'my anxious brain over-reacting to nothing.'

If this is happening a lot as you go about your day it suggests you're in a pretty constant state of hyperarousal. Doing compulsions (checking, washing, ruminating over it) keeps that flight or fight readiness in top gear. So make sure you fight those compulsions and take some time every day to chill out and practise some relaxation until you can switch off the flight or fight response and switch on feeling relaxed and in control as easily as flicking a light switch.

 

[Busy Fool]

Thank you Snowbear  I'm not sure if I have the willpower to stop the compulsions, I feel I'm getting worse.  So many things today.  Bringing washing in, I fell over and put my foot in pile of old soil and some broken glass.  Changed my sock and there was a red mark on the bottom. I can't see any cut so now worrying where it came from.  Touched it to see if it was dry and now washed my hands loads of times but want to wash them again.  I also went passed the used knives and folks from tea and worried the washing has touched those, because of cold sores.  I feel I need to wash it all again.  So frustrating. It's hard to fight the completions when you are worried about your family too.

[Busy Fool]

35 minutes ago, Busy Fool said:

Thank you Snowbear  I'm not sure if I have the willpower to stop the compulsions, I feel I'm getting worse.  So many things today.  Bringing washing in, I fell over and put my foot in pile of old soil and some broken glass.  Changed my sock and there was a red mark on the bottom. I can't see any cut so now worrying where it came from.  Touched it to see if it was dry and now washed my hands loads of times but want to wash them again.  I also went passed the used knives and folks from tea and worried the washing has touched those, because of cold sores.  I feel I need to wash it all again.  So frustrating. It's hard to fight the completions when you are worried about your family too.

That was meant to say It's hard to fight the compulsions when you are worried about your family too 

[snowbear]

23 hours ago, Busy Fool said:

It's hard to fight the compulsions when you are worried about your family too

Every single sufferer of OCD has a reason to quote for why fighting their compulsions is hard. And in every single case it's related to what they care about most (which is also what fuels their OCD.)

In other words, as long as you keep telling yourself you can't fight the compulsions 'because you are worried about your family' you might as well give up. You're wasting your time trying.

You're always going to be concerned for your family. Caring about them does not validate your compulsions.

You need to start telling yourself a different story or you'll remain forever stuck.

Reject the idea that doing the compulsions makes you a good caring person. It does'nt.   (Actually it's doing your family waaaay more harm than good though you can't see that yet.)

An association between your responsibility to your family and doing rituals has been made in your head. As long as you allow them to remain linked you'll struggle to overcome your OCD.

Get used to NOT saying 'I care for my family' in the same sentence as 'compulsions'. They are two completely separate things.

The association you've made between them is like a piece of toilet paper that accidentally got stuck to your shoe which you've been walking around everywhere you go. Now you know that it's there, get rid of it! 

[Busy Fool]

On 13/09/2021 at 21:28, snowbear said:

Every single sufferer of OCD has a reason to quote for why fighting their compulsions is hard. And in every single case it's related to what they care about most (which is also what fuels their OCD.)

In other words, as long as you keep telling yourself you can't fight the compulsions 'because you are worried about your family' you might as well give up. You're wasting your time trying.

You're always going to be concerned for your family. Caring about them does not validate your compulsions.

You need to start telling yourself a different story or you'll remain forever stuck.

Reject the idea that doing the compulsions makes you a good caring person. It does'nt.   (Actually it's doing your family waaaay more harm than good though you can't see that yet.)

An association between your responsibility to your family and doing rituals has been made in your head. As long as you allow them to remain linked you'll struggle to overcome your OCD.

Get used to NOT saying 'I care for my family' in the same sentence as 'compulsions'. They are two completely separate things.

The association you've made between them is like a piece of toilet paper that accidentally got stuck to your shoe which you've been walking around everywhere you go. Now you know that it's there, get rid of it! 

Thank you so much for this, there is a lot for me to digest.  Yesterday was a nightmare of me constantly washing my hands and compulsions and I just want it to stop.  I am going to try to be more positive.  The problem is, if my brain starts to go into overdrive and my family are talking to me, it makes worse and I can't remove myself to clear my head...  

[ashipinharbor]

On 09/09/2021 at 14:43, PolarBear said:

The fact that this is driving you mad is proof that this is all OCD. Everything you did to fix the problem was a compulsion, did not fix the problem and made your situation worse. Do nothing more.

Wise, wise words. Thank you, PB

[Handy]

It’s herpes.  I talked to a gal that runs a herpes treatment office.  She said when there are no symptoms it’s still contagious. It’s called asymptomatic shedding.  You need to take a common sense approach to this. 

[Busy Fool]

16 hours ago, Handy said:

It’s herpes.  I talked to a gal that runs a herpes treatment office.  She said when there are no symptoms it’s still contagious. It’s called asymptomatic shedding.  You need to take a common sense approach to this. 

Thank you.  I know and it hasn't been an issue until recently.  I need to adopt a common sense approach to most of my fears