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Dear all OCD sufferers,

I have found here so many people that helped me a lot when I was completely down and my OCD ruined my life. Based on advice from so many people I have developed my own strategy how to fight the OCD monster and I would like to share this with you so you may find this helpfull on your own way towards the recovery. I am not fully recovered yet but I can say that my OCD is slowly losing its power over me. As everybody advise the most important thing is to stop all your compulsions immediately. Do not do the same mistake as I did - well this thought is the worst I ever had, let's do all those compulsions this time and then I will disregard all other thoughts. NO, this was all wrong and be sure that you will start to receive far more horrible thoughts than the last one was. It's nothing more just OCD's trap how to keep you in that neverending cycle. You have to give up all your compulsions right now. Including rumination. That was the most difficult but I am sure that in a few days you'll be able to manage the rumination as well. As soon as I get one of my horrible thoughts my anxiety gets sooo high but then I just tell myself: 'Hey, calm down, this is not my thought, this is OCD's thought'. I simply realize that those thoughts are not my wishes, those thoughts are not what I want and that I would never want anyone to die or get hurt. And then I just move my attention to something else. From the beginning was very helpfull to solve some random mathematic exercise for example 321x294 and I had to count it by myself without calculator or without writing it down on a paper. This completely redirected my attention and later I realized that I cannot even remember the content of my thought I had before. My compulsions were really difficult - as soon as I had such a thought I had to wash my hands and then everything I touched the very same time I had that thought. If I had that thought during my sleep I had to took off all covers and wash them, then I had to took a shower again and again. It was a nightmare although I knew all the time that it makes no sense - I have that thought in my head so why am I washing my hands? How could my thoughts become real if I do not wash my hands? How could my thoughts become real if I do not wash and clean everything I touched? These questions were killing me all the time because I knew the answer but OCD's reply was always the same 'but what if...?' so I rather washed and cleaned everything. But as soon as I finished I got even worse thought so again washing and cleaning. Also those compulsions developed over the time. Suddenly washing my hands and cleaning objects I touched was not enough because what if a water drop fall down on the floor while I was washing my hands and now all those thoughts are everywhere at home and my baby boy is touching everything so I had to clean completely whole flat and floor. Everyone kept telling me that I have to stop immediately with all those washing rituals, that it makes completely no sense but I was not listening. My fear was greater that common sense. Last weeks I was sooo tired. I was fighting OCD, my husband rather spent time with his friends and left us for a long time and I had to take care of my child. I was exhausted. I felt that I reached a bottom. I just fall down and remembered that I have already overcome this before - when I was young I suffered from OCD (at that time I didn't have a clue that it was OCD) but different theme. I was scared of AIDS contamination or I was scared of war. I do not even know how I overcame these themes but I remember that I simply gave up all my rituals and those thoughts do not bother me anymore. And nothing from those thoughts ever happened. OCD is always the same only theme is changing and be sure that it always grabs what is the most important for you. All you need to do is to always pay your attention to something else. I know how hard it is but this is the only way how to get rid of OCD. And be prepared that OCD will fight back at the beginning as it will try its best to keep you in OCD cycle. But remember one thing - you are always stronger than that. Those thoughts hurt a lot, ignoring them hurt a lot but over time you will see that they start to lose their power over you. The beginning is very hard but you have to trust yourself, you know yourself and you know that those thoughts are not yours. You cannot influence what is coming to your mind. The only way out is to ignore all those disturbing obssesive thoughts and redirect your attention to something else. Do not give up if it is not easy from the beggining - this is something you have to learn and it takes some time. Always remeber those thoughts are not yours, those thoughts are OCD's. You are not responsible for those thoughts. Your only responsibility is your reaction on those thoughts. If you perform compulsions or if you ruminate over and over about them then it means that you believe those thoughts and you agree with them. But if you just disregard and ignore them it means that those thoughts are meaningless and not true, you simply do not agree with them and that those thoughts are not based on your values. I hope this helps a little bit to someone who really needs this right now. Keep figting and stay strong :)

And sorry for such a looong story :)

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41 minutes ago, Busy Fool said:

Thank you for taking the time to share.  I'm at the early stages of treatment so this really useful :)

No problem at all @Busy Fool :) Beginings are hard and I thought that I will never recover but suddenly I realized that my compulsions are those that hurt my loved ones, not my thoughts. Everyone around me is exhausted because of me and my compulsions. This is something I couldn't ignore anymore and I had to stop all those compulsions literally the very same minute. The begining is so hard, so painfull but sooner or later you realize that OCD is sooo creative and can send you even worse thoughts and suddenly you just tell yourself something like: 'you see? You did it without compulsions and rumination and now the thought doesn't bother you anymore...well, what was the thought about anyway?' and this moment was something trully meaningfull because now I know how to redirect my attention, I know how to identify those thoughts and address them to OCD in a very quick manner :) Stay strong and keep fighting, do not give up, the begining is very hard but that is absolutely normal and you just have to get through it.

Edited by Belina
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You’re learning about our 2 physical brains.  Amygdala is our primitive brain & root of OCD.  At age 25 we get a fully formed Neocortex (new brain).  It’s logic & reason based so doing math switches you to your neocortex.

Btw, avoid caffeine.  Most long posts are written on caffeine I noticed.

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14 hours ago, Belina said:

The only way out is to ignore all those disturbing obssesive thoughts and redirect your attention to something else. Do not give up if it is not easy from the beggining - this is something you have to learn and it takes some time. Always remeber those thoughts are not yours, those thoughts are OCD's. You are not responsible for those thoughts. Your only responsibility is your reaction on those thoughts. If you perform compulsions or if you ruminate over and over about them then it means that you believe those thoughts and you agree with them. But if you just disregard and ignore them it means that those thoughts are meaningless and not true, you simply do not agree with them and that those thoughts are not based on your values. I hope this helps a little bit to someone who really needs this right now. Keep figting and stay strong :)

It's great you have something that is helping you and I hope my words are a helpful addition to that and not in nay way party pooping but I have to comment to help others too. 

I would go a step further from what you write and say that in order to recover from OCD, simply ignoring and disregarding thoughts whilst feeling helpful, may not be depending how this is done.   What I mean by this is I have seen many people do this in an avoidance sort of way and over time that simply leads the OCD moving in another direction or our (myself included) inability to deal with them on some days you cant ignore and disregard.

The other problem is, simply saying disregard and avoid intrusive thoughts is something we can't do, because we have OCD, so if it was that simple we would not be here I guess. For most of us, we need the help of a trained health professional to help us and show us 'how' and 'why'.  I will try and explain.

Ultimately, the road to recovery will come from understanding what the thoughts mean to us, am I paedophile or am I worried about what people think of me, being disowned being sacked, losing my job, family, house etc. Looking at our interpretation of the thoughts so responding with rumination and anxiety and doubt is the response OCD would want or accepting it's a nonsensical intrusive thought (which is where understanding what the thought means deep down can be helpful). 

But I truly am pleased your approach is helping you and long may that continue.

 

 

6 hours ago, Handy said:

You’re learning about our 2 physical brains.  Amygdala is our primitive brain & root of OCD.  At age 25 we get a fully formed Neocortex (new brain).  It’s logic & reason based so doing math switches you to your neocortex.

The fact is there is still no clarity on the Amygdala role in OCD (depending who you read), and even if we do think it might be, it's not helpful for dealing with the OCD here and now.  

 

6 hours ago, Handy said:

Btw, avoid caffeine.  Most long posts are written on caffeine I noticed.

How can you know if a long post is written with caffeine.    Doesn't really matter though.

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On 11/09/2021 at 11:40, Ashley said:

It's great you have something that is helping you and I hope my words are a helpful addition to that and not in nay way party pooping but I have to comment to help others too. 

I would go a step further from what you write and say that in order to recover from OCD, simply ignoring and disregarding thoughts whilst feeling helpful, may not be depending how this is done.   What I mean by this is I have seen many people do this in an avoidance sort of way and over time that simply leads the OCD moving in another direction or our (myself included) inability to deal with them on some days you cant ignore and disregard.

The other problem is, simply saying disregard and avoid intrusive thoughts is something we can't do, because we have OCD, so if it was that simple we would not be here I guess. For most of us, we need the help of a trained health professional to help us and show us 'how' and 'why'.  I will try and explain.

Ultimately, the road to recovery will come from understanding what the thoughts mean to us, am I paedophile or am I worried about what people think of me, being disowned being sacked, losing my job, family, house etc. Looking at our interpretation of the thoughts so responding with rumination and anxiety and doubt is the response OCD would want or accepting it's a nonsensical intrusive thought (which is where understanding what the thought means deep down can be helpful). 

But I truly am pleased your approach is helping you and long may that continue.

 

 

The fact is there is still no clarity on the Amygdala role in OCD (depending who you read), and even if we do think it might be, it's not helpful for dealing with the OCD here and now.  

 

How can you know if a long post is written with caffeine.    Doesn't really matter though.

Thank you @Ashley for your reply and taking time to add very important notes. I absolutely agree with you. Also I know that avoidance is not a way towards the recovery and in my case and opinion is completely impossible. I am getting random thoughts and I am not able to manage them or decide whether I want some thoughts or I simply do not want them. They occur and it is up to me how I deal with them. Yesterday I had a major relaps and I was not even able to apply my own strategy. I can say that all my thoughts are just spam and I do not react on them in any way. The only thought I am not able to work with is thought I am getting and I got yesterday while we were on a trip together with my baby son and husband. While I was holding my son in my hands I suddenly got a thought on him and someone else 'please die finally and I'll kill myself'. It really scared me a lot because I do not want him and anyone else to die of course. I was crying and it completely ruined my day. I was touching my son while having that horrible thought and I couldn't wash my hands and change his clothes. In a couple of minutes my husband took a baby from me so the horrible thought was also on him. Since then I am not able to stop thinking about it because I haven't washed anything, my baby is touching also everything at home and I am in constant fear that the thought will come true now. This is the situation when I am completely lost. I do not want anyone to die and hence I am still thinking that in this one particular thought it is better to wash everything rather than risk someone's life. My husband doesn't allow me to wash a single thing saying that it is absolute nonsense. 

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 I'm sorry you're having a tough day Belina......just try & remember that all of the .logic you applied on Friday is still applicable today and resisting those compulsions is still the way to go.  The thought you had is an intrusive thought and the only reason it holds any power is that it's abhorrent to you, the opposite of your real feelings.  Learn to recognise the thought, recognise that familiar, gut-wrenching fear and return to that logic...... cleaning something, washing something has no power to make a thought "safe" or neutralise it

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I agree you just have to ignore the thoughts and focus on something else.

I often find in my life if there’s something I’m looking forward to then inevitably the experience will get hijacked/ tainted by negative ocd related thoughts.

this can dampen the enjoyment of the experience but I think you just have to carry on and accept it’s out of your control. I guess it stops you getting carried away and over enjoying things.

related to this post I’d like to comment that if you have some kind of thought object fusion and the bad thoughts have projected onto physical objects, almost making them permanent , then how do you deal with these objects? It makes it harder as you can’t just ignore them.

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16 hours ago, Caramoole said:

 I'm sorry you're having a tough day Belina......just try & remember that all of the .logic you applied on Friday is still applicable today and resisting those compulsions is still the way to go.  The thought you had is an intrusive thought and the only reason it holds any power is that it's abhorrent to you, the opposite of your real feelings.  Learn to recognise the thought, recognise that familiar, gut-wrenching fear and return to that logic...... cleaning something, washing something has no power to make a thought "safe" or neutralise it

Thank you @Caramoole for your kind words as always. I am trying to do my best to resist all my compulsions. The anxiety has finally lowered and I am back in my rational track. But I have to say that this one particular thought always get me. 

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12 hours ago, olb said:

I agree you just have to ignore the thoughts and focus on something else.

I often find in my life if there’s something I’m looking forward to then inevitably the experience will get hijacked/ tainted by negative ocd related thoughts.

this can dampen the enjoyment of the experience but I think you just have to carry on and accept it’s out of your control. I guess it stops you getting carried away and over enjoying things.

related to this post I’d like to comment that if you have some kind of thought object fusion and the bad thoughts have projected onto physical objects, almost making them permanent , then how do you deal with these objects? It makes it harder as you can’t just ignore them.

Thank you @olbfor your post and help. Yes, I can confirm that going somewhere out for a trip or just for a walk was usually a very stresfull for me because I knew that when the obssesive thought hits I do not have any chance to wash my hands to neutralize it. Nowadays when I am able to work with those thoughts I am happier outside than staying at home but when I got this one thought...I was so shocked that I said it loudly and it made me cry and I just didn't really know what is right to do and what is not. I wanted to wash my hands so badly. I couldn't imagine to drive the car back home without washing my hands. And of course holding a baby was like a nightmare for me as I was so scared of that thought.

Regarding those objects...I used to clean them, wash them and they were clean from the thoughts (I know it sounds very crazy) but sometimes even the washing ritual didn't work mentally so I avoid the given object.

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Yeah this is my problem the objects with a direct link to the contaminant can’t be cleaned so are avoided but anything in secondary contact can usually be cleaned. 
Not sure how I created these rules but they feel so concrete now and Unchangeable. 

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36 minutes ago, olb said:

Yeah this is my problem the objects with a direct link to the contaminant can’t be cleaned so are avoided but anything in secondary contact can usually be cleaned. 
Not sure how I created these rules but they feel so concrete now and Unchangeable. 

Exactly @olb! I am also trying to figure out when and how I created these rules and compulsions. My therapist has told me that it has absolutely no point trying to find the answer on this question, that this is OCD and hence there is no logic behind. Also my therapist told me that thoughts simply cannot be projected onto physical objects. We have tried a little experiment with her scarf. We hold it both and I was supposed to think how badly I want the scarf to move by itself. Of course it didn't move unless I made it to move by my own hands so had to personaly make some action to move the scarf. Although I fully understand my irrational behavior I am not able to resist my compulsions in case of such a horrible thoughts because - the well known OCD question - 'what if' I am right and I can cause these things by just thinking about it and not doing any compulsion. I feel like there are two persons in one body - one is saying 'hey come on this is a nonsens' and the other one is saying 'but what if..'. And I am so scared of losing someone I love.

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Thanks belina. I have definitely transferred / projected negative thoughts/ associations into objects. This happened a long time ago so I can’t remember exactly how it developed. But it makes it harder to deal with than just thoughts. I know with thoughts you can choose not to act on or listen to them, whereas if you see an object in your vision with negative past associations then you can’t really avoid it. 
 

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18 minutes ago, olb said:

Thanks belina. I have definitely transferred / projected negative thoughts/ associations into objects. This happened a long time ago so I can’t remember exactly how it developed. But it makes it harder to deal with than just thoughts. I know with thoughts you can choose not to act on or listen to them, whereas if you see an object in your vision with negative past associations then you can’t really avoid it. 
 

Does it mean (that you transferred or projected those obsessive thoughts into objects) that those thoughts came true then @olb? I am so scared of it.

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13 hours ago, olb said:

I think my thoughts are different to yours, if you don’t mind saying what are your thoughts that you are afraid of and how do they attach to objects? 

Hello @olb, my thoughts are pretty much the same all the time. I usually got like thousands obsessive thoughts a day and sometimes I spent all day long in a bathroom cleaning everything. Nowadays I can handle my thoughts very well except the one thought I mentioned in one of my previous comments. 

How do they attach to the objects? Hmm, well, you'll be probably laughing at me how stupid I am but here it is: when I get my obsessive thoughts I have to wash my hands immediately and I have to be very carefull so no water drop fall down on the floor while washing my hands. If so, I have to clean the floor within the whole flat. And not just once ? In case I am holding something while having my obsessive thoughts I have to clean the object as well. Sometimes it is very difficult because my husband is touching my hands on purpose while I am having obsessive thoughts and then he is touching absolutely everything without washing his hands. My anxiety is sooo high then and he is making me to sit with the anxiety and not allowing me to do some of my compulsions. In case of this one thought this is literally killing me. What are your thoughts?

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It’s a contamination thought where things linked to a past object which caused emotional pain is transferred onto other objects. It’s different to yours in the way that it’s fairly limited and I can’t intentionally contaminate new things. Usually new things are fine. Sorry to hear about your cleaning I fee for you as I don’t have to do so much cleaning it’s more avoidance. 

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My weird finding was that... I would lock a door... The more times I went back to check that it was safely locked, the stronger  the urge to recheck, and recheck again became... Now, I check it once only, then defy it... Tell it to do it's worst. But the worst case scenario simply doesn't happen...  In a professional care environment, we are forever trying to lower the odds of something bad happening, cos if anything happened, however minute, would have people trying to sue us, just for the money... I don't drive very much these days. I can't be bothered, It's my wifes car anyway, so she does most of the driving... So what happens if I get sued? Well, I'm insured, and, they have to win the case... Which is highly unlikely. If someone runs out in front of me on a zebra crossing, sure, it will be my fault, I should have been able to stop. BUT, the person might get a couple of hundred pounds  from my insurance... But what if their wounds don't heal properly? The money will soon be gone... They could be disabled for life... No amount of money will make up for that... I was driving as safely as I could... It makes no difference who is to blame... I get my licence back eventually...  I get to live on... 

On the subject of touching items... Can we really cross contaminate things? Contact to fresh air will solve things... The worst case scenario will never happen... We are too conscientios for that to happen... We are good people.

David

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21 hours ago, olb said:

It’s a contamination thought where things linked to a past object which caused emotional pain is transferred onto other objects. It’s different to yours in the way that it’s fairly limited and I can’t intentionally contaminate new things. Usually new things are fine. Sorry to hear about your cleaning I fee for you as I don’t have to do so much cleaning it’s more avoidance. 

Hello @olb, I have read your story about the company car so I now understand your OCD theme. I think I can relate to that little bit. I used to work for a company that was really good and succesfull however the management wasn't that good and it was a pain to go to that work every single morning. I literraly started to hate that job. I also couldn't touch anything from there and when I was asked to work from home I almost cried because I didn't want to 'contaminate' anything at my home from that work. At that time I have decided to change a job and that was the best decision ever. Shortly I forgot everything about my previous job. I unattached myself from them. Today I can use their goods without any feelings or emotions. It took some time of course but I simply didn't think about them anymore and it helped. Also I had this everytime I was buying something and during it I had a bad thought. I haven't even paid for the thing and I already hated it because those thoughts were immediately attached to that thing. But those feelings somehow faded over some time. Emotions are very tricky. I think you should find some good things about the goods you were transporting with that car, for example the carpet - how nice is the room now when it is there, how usefull it is, how warm you can feel there. Although I know how hard it is but maybe this is the way how to reprogramme our OCD brains and record brand new feelings and emotions related to some objects.

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21 hours ago, Dakagraphics-David said:

My weird finding was that... I would lock a door... The more times I went back to check that it was safely locked, the stronger  the urge to recheck, and recheck again became... Now, I check it once only, then defy it... Tell it to do it's worst. But the worst case scenario simply doesn't happen...  In a professional care environment, we are forever trying to lower the odds of something bad happening, cos if anything happened, however minute, would have people trying to sue us, just for the money... I don't drive very much these days. I can't be bothered, It's my wifes car anyway, so she does most of the driving... So what happens if I get sued? Well, I'm insured, and, they have to win the case... Which is highly unlikely. If someone runs out in front of me on a zebra crossing, sure, it will be my fault, I should have been able to stop. BUT, the person might get a couple of hundred pounds  from my insurance... But what if their wounds don't heal properly? The money will soon be gone... They could be disabled for life... No amount of money will make up for that... I was driving as safely as I could... It makes no difference who is to blame... I get my licence back eventually...  I get to live on... 

On the subject of touching items... Can we really cross contaminate things? Contact to fresh air will solve things... The worst case scenario will never happen... We are too conscientios for that to happen... We are good people.

David

Hello @Dakagraphics-David, thank you sooo much for your story. I almost cried to be honest. You are absolutely right. I have read several times that OCD people are in fact very good people and would never act on their thoughts or they would never want their obsessive thoughts become real. That is why we usually bother about those thoughts so much. But in fact the more we try to neutralize those thoughts the worse the OCD gets. I used to worry a lot about AIDS or wars and it stoped as soon as I stoped giving those thoughts any credit or meaning. Since then I can talk about these topics, I can read about them and I do not feel any urge to wash my hands or to do something to neutralize it. 

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Hi there. Usually, children don't pause to think of what could be on their hands... Ice cream just gets licked off... I guess that one way of looking at this, is that, foremost, we wash our hands to protect ourselves... And that would also be true for other people... Whatever is on their hands is their own problem... We have no control over what they have been in contact with before they eat a sandwich at a picnic... To be honest, my main concern with using antibac gel that knocks off 99.9% of bacteria, is that we are also bumping off the good bacteria... The good germs... Some bacteria are gonna be important surely? If it wasn't, we wouldn't be alive... So, on balance, We are actually doing ourselves no favours... Right from being babies, crawling on the floor, we have had these bacteria attacking us, to strengthen our normal natural defences. In theory, when not doing food prep, we only need to wash hands after going loo... But if we go to a burger bar, not everyone does even that... Sure, the door handles are probably antibacterial stainless steel, but even that will take time to bump off the bacteria... And no one successfully sues... The problem is the soap companies... They'd suggest we drink the stuff if it would sell more bottles... Our bodily defences must be pretty good... We breathe the air, airborne bacteria... It passes through the alveoli in our lungs directly into the bloodstream... If we inhaled disinfectant it would kill us, but the bacteria have always been in the air... Our natural systems have adapted over the years... So just maybe, we don't actually need to wash our hands quite so often... If someone becomes ill, how would they prove it was down to me? Or I them, for that matter? Let's take the risk, and actually benefit our own, and other peoples natural defences... Remember the saying, 'That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger...' This all seems to go against convention, but we do need to wash our hands just a little less, in order for our natural defences to protect us efficiently. I sure do wish this was easier though! ?

David

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10 hours ago, Dakagraphics-David said:

Hi there. Usually, children don't pause to think of what could be on their hands... Ice cream just gets licked off... I guess that one way of looking at this, is that, foremost, we wash our hands to protect ourselves... And that would also be true for other people... Whatever is on their hands is their own problem... We have no control over what they have been in contact with before they eat a sandwich at a picnic... To be honest, my main concern with using antibac gel that knocks off 99.9% of bacteria, is that we are also bumping off the good bacteria... The good germs... Some bacteria are gonna be important surely? If it wasn't, we wouldn't be alive... So, on balance, We are actually doing ourselves no favours... Right from being babies, crawling on the floor, we have had these bacteria attacking us, to strengthen our normal natural defences. In theory, when not doing food prep, we only need to wash hands after going loo... But if we go to a burger bar, not everyone does even that... Sure, the door handles are probably antibacterial stainless steel, but even that will take time to bump off the bacteria... And no one successfully sues... The problem is the soap companies... They'd suggest we drink the stuff if it would sell more bottles... Our bodily defences must be pretty good... We breathe the air, airborne bacteria... It passes through the alveoli in our lungs directly into the bloodstream... If we inhaled disinfectant it would kill us, but the bacteria have always been in the air... Our natural systems have adapted over the years... So just maybe, we don't actually need to wash our hands quite so often... If someone becomes ill, how would they prove it was down to me? Or I them, for that matter? Let's take the risk, and actually benefit our own, and other peoples natural defences... Remember the saying, 'That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger...' This all seems to go against convention, but we do need to wash our hands just a little less, in order for our natural defences to protect us efficiently. I sure do wish this was easier though! ?

David

That is all so true @Dakagraphics-David although I have never been thinking about it this way. It is great to read other's opinions as it makes me think about things from different point of view. And also it pretty occupies my mind :)

The thing is (and you'll be probably laughing at me right now) that I am not washing my hands because of germs. I know it sounds crazy but I wash my hands because of my thoughts. For example I get a thought about my baby son 'please die finally' and it scares me so much that I have to wash my hands immediately to neutralize it. I also have to wash or clean everything I touched the very same time I had that thought. But also that is not enough because what if a water drop fall down on the floor while washing my hands? So I have to clean the floor within the whole flat. And I do all of this just to neutralize the thought or prevent that from happening.

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So you also have an overlap between your mental and physical world.  You feel physically unclean if you think a bad thought.

Mine is due to believing a thought that the car was infected which I couldn’t disprove at the time so it stuck. 
I like your suggestion about thinking of the items differently, but the overriding thought is the association with the feared car. 

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