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How can I help my fiancé with his OCD


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Life is really hard at the moment. My fiancé is really struggling with OCD. He will stand washing his hands or in the bath for hours on end, literally up to 3 hours. If we have sex he won’t sleep back in the bed until I’ve changed the sheets even though we both know they’re not dirty (I understand this is irrational thinking). It seems to have started when Covid first hit, and unfortunately  March his dad died unexpectedly, since then it’s just become so intense. We have two children and I can’t cope looking after the two of them by myself while trying to make my fiancé comfortable while not enabling him with his obsessions. He’s actively trying to get help but the wait list to see someone is so long and things are getting worse every day. I don’t know what more I can do to help. Outside of our home it’s like his OCD doesn’t exist. At home it’s so extreme.

if anyone has any advise I’d really appreciate it 

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Hi there,

Welcome to the forum :)

I'm sorry to hear that your fiancé is struggling so much at the moment. We do know that many people have struggled during the pandemic and having a family bereavement must have made the past few months even more difficult. 

It's not unusual for OCD to affect people more at home than elsewhere, this is often because we can control our home environments, therefore feel a responsibility to do so. You mentioned that your partner is on a waiting list, is this for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)? While he is waiting he could look into trying medication for OCD, which are called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs). Some people find that SSRIs help to take the edge off their anxiety, to enable them to fight OCD more easily. 

If this isn't something that your fiancé wants to try, that's fine, medication is a personal choice. You could both look into self-help materials like Break Free from OCD https://www.ocduk.org/shop/break-free-from-ocd/ which explains how OCD works and how to begin challenging it using CBT. Sometimes reading things together can be a good way to begin to discuss what you're both finding hard at the moment. 

We also have some presentations from our online conference that you might find helpful, Helping a loved one with OCD https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/family/helping-family-member-with-ocd/ by Lauren Callaghan and Understanding why people with OCD do what they do, and why other people get involved https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/main/understanding-why-people-with-ocd-do-what-they-do/ by Mark Freeston.

Gemma :)

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