How do I get help for my son?

[ATL]

He's 12 years old, I'm his dad. He moved from his mum's house when he ended up not eating or sleeping and unable to touch anything or anyone in the house. He hasn't been to school since May. After he left his mum's it became clear he has OCD, the contamination followed him and spread to my parents' house, where I was living when he came. He can't touch anything from that house, or my parents themselves. We've since rented a flat and the contamination has spread to here. He can't touch an ever increasing number of items in the house, often including me, and sits in his room watching YouTube videos all day. He can't go out, because he can't touch the door and various things in town. He can't go in the kitchen, or to the living room, becuase I've contaminated everything there. I can't go in his room in case I contaminate things there as well. He can't go back to his mum's because that's contaminated. In the evening he has a very long shower, then he can touch a very few things which are 'bed clean' and cry himself to sleep.

I've read up on OCD, I know what he and I should be doing (i.e. not giving in to the contamination), but getting a 12 year old to challenge himself in even the smallest ways just isn't possible, as he doesn't want to do it. I'm in touch with CAMHS, they are so far completely useless. 

I can't work, my son can't go to school, we just sit here being miserable and getting worse, if this goes on long enough we'll both be homeless. Is there any help available anywhere?

Thanks

[Dakagraphics-David]

Hi there... And welcome... Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can often help. Your doctor would be able to refer your son. There are some good books on it. 

Incidentally, When I first had this kind of treatment, my Counsellor asked me, What is it contaminated with? Is it dangerous? How do we know? The evidence that people touch things, but don't get ill... Shopping... All sorts go in the trolley, but supermarkets stay in business... What is it contaminated with? And can we prove or disprove that it is so? Just maybe, whatever it is 'contaminated' with is safe?  A good book to help is 'The boy who couldn't stop washing' by Doctor Judith Rappoport. It is available quite cheaply from Amazon. Also, Books by David Veale, and Rob Wilson. Plus, Doctor David Burns...

Hope this helps,

David 

[Hal]

Hi ATL,

I'm so sorry your son's going through so much at the moment...I think it might be worth getting in touch with Ashley who runs the charity (ashley@ocduk.org  Tel: 01332 588112), for his thoughts around getting CAMHS to help more. Even allowing for all the pressures the system's been under recently, they have a duty of care towards your son who clearly needs to access better professional support and treatment.

You've been doing exactly the right thing by reading up about the disorder, that will make a huge difference in the long run. I can appreciate it must be hard going though trying to help your son to take more steps towards challenging himself. It's such a hard thing to do, even adults struggle facing their fears, but that's ultimately where as David's mentioned, the CBT from a therapist is so important.

Has your son also been able to learn a bit about the disorder? Being in such a high state of anxiety and bombarded by the thoughts it's extrememly difficult for him to focus...but the more he understands the mechanics of OCD and how it works, the easier it should be for him to navigate. Some of the fear/anxiety (beyond the nature of the intrusive thoughts themselves) is held in place by a fear of not knowing what's going-on. 

Can you pass on to him that OCD is highly treatable, particularly in children and with time and therapy he can get well again? 

It's just fantastic you're there for him and doing so much to help him. Gemma's also recommended on another thread this video I think you might also find helpful...

https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/family/helping-family-member-with-ocd/

....but please don't overlook your own health. Looking after someone with OCD is probably one of the hardest and most stressful things anyone can go through. It goes without saying though that the forum and charity is here to support you too.

[Hal]

I should also have mentioned a couple of self-help books that might be worth taking a look at (all recommended by the charity).

'How Can I Help' by Dr Lauren Callaghan.

'Parenting OCD' by Claire Sanders, and...

'OCD -Tools to Help You Fight Back! A CBT Workbook for Young People' by Cynthia Turner, Georgia Krebs and Chloe Volz.

HTH

[Dakagraphics-David]

There is also quite a bit on youtube too...