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How do I get help for my son?


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Hi all, 

I’m a new member, my 14 year old son has been struggling with contamination OCD for a few years. We are a family of 4, and my husband and I are at breaking point, because my son cannot do simple things, such as getting dressed, getting dry after a shower, touching his clean clothes if he thinks he is dirty or accepting that something is clean when I give it to him.
My son also has ASD, but it is the OCD which causes the problems. We cannot function as a family, we struggle to get him to school, I have taken today off sick (I’m a teacher- horrific workload in a very pressured secondary school) because we have spent the weekend with my son at crisis point over putting some clean laundry away.

My son’s school have agreed to CBT with their educational psychologist. I am incredibly grateful for this as camhs has refused us help for the 3rd time. But right now, I don’t know how to help him.

If I don’t enable his behaviours, I don’t get to work- end of. Mornings are horrendous and extremely pressured, we are all very upset by the time we leave the house. Every day is the same routine of him refusing to touch anything, refusing to allow me to help him because I am contaminated, being late, his grandad (who takes him to school) becoming stressed and is caving in to his demands for a 2nd shower. 
 

I feel your fear too OP, I am living in fear that I will lose my job and render us homeless because I cannot be present at work, tackle my workload and parent my son. We cannot afford for me to not work. But if I do take some time off to help him, what/how do I do that? One day here and there is not useful, because my son will revert to his safety behaviour just so that I can leave the house. I honestly do not know how working parents are handling ocd in their children, because I am failing miserable on all counts.

Any advice will be gratefully received. 

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On 04/10/2021 at 17:46, Lollipop said:

@HGR you are not failing, it is that hard. Try and take care of you too. 

Are you entitled to take parental leave? It might not be an option and probably unpaid but could be worth investigating. 

Thank you, I hear you. I am trying to take care of myself, but time is limited and there are never enough hours of sleep to prepare me for a day. 
I spoke to my Headteacher today, who had no idea what we were dealing with. She was fantastic and was very clear that I should take whatever time I need, that I must ignore my marking and planning when need be, and not to worry about it. She has also cleared my form group from me first thing in a morning, so that I can arrive later if need be. I was really touched by how supportive she was. 
So, I currently still have a job, but I also have a little flexibility in my days for the bad days. That has made me feel a little fiercer to take this whole ocd nightmare on. 

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Hi there, CBT can be really good, it certainly got me out of the terrible mess I was in, a few years ago now. With support, we learn how to do something called ERP, Exposure Response Prevention. Where we bravelly discover how to face the Ocd bully head on, and call it's bluff... We find ourselves fighting back, and retaking control of our lives. There are some good books available too, One that is good is 'Overcoming Obsessive compulsive disorder, by Dr's David Veale (Not me!) and Rob Wilson. Another one is 'The boy who couldn't stop washing', by Dr Judith Rappoport. Both are available from Amazon... If you feel really brave, buy a used copy for a lower price...  A book that helped me is 'How to stop worrying, and start living', by Dale Carnegie, who died the year I was born, so it is quite an old book... 

David

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On 05/10/2021 at 23:52, Dakagraphics-David said:

Hi there, CBT can be really good, it certainly got me out of the terrible mess I was in, a few years ago now. With support, we learn how to do something called ERP, Exposure Response Prevention. Where we bravelly discover how to face the Ocd bully head on, and call it's bluff... We find ourselves fighting back, and retaking control of our lives. There are some good books available too, One that is good is 'Overcoming Obsessive compulsive disorder, by Dr's David Veale (Not me!) and Rob Wilson. Another one is 'The boy who couldn't stop washing', by Dr Judith Rappoport. Both are available from Amazon... If you feel really brave, buy a used copy for a lower price...  A book that helped me is 'How to stop worrying, and start living', by Dale Carnegie, who died the year I was born, so it is quite an old book... 

David

Thank you. That is exactly what I needed to know. Your insight gives me hope and is much appreciated.

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@HGRreading your post was like reading about my life at the moment. I looked up this forum as I am also at my wits end. My daughter is 13 and her OCD with everything being dirty and can't walk on certain areas of the house and all clothes are dirty are taking over our lives. It causes such arguments and tension and her refusal to go to school. I also understand that I shouldn't always give in to it but if I don't then I can't get her to school and I can't leave the house to work! It is so so difficult and I have no idea how to manage it/treat it/deal with it. It is also escalating at a rapid pace that I am scared what will happen next.

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On 11/10/2021 at 10:48, DJ1000 said:

@HGRreading your post was like reading about my life at the moment. I looked up this forum as I am also at my wits end. My daughter is 13 and her OCD with everything being dirty and can't walk on certain areas of the house and all clothes are dirty are taking over our lives. It causes such arguments and tension and her refusal to go to school. I also understand that I shouldn't always give in to it but if I don't then I can't get her to school and I can't leave the house to work! It is so so difficult and I have no idea how to manage it/treat it/deal with it. It is also escalating at a rapid pace that I am scared what will happen next.

I really don’t know how to handle this anymore. I am always having to cave in to the ocd. We are starting small with him not cleaning his PlayStation controllers, which he is managing. But life has become unliveable in our house.

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I think caving in to the OCD os the only thing that can be done if not caving in causes them to almost have a breakdown. It's the lesser of two evils. I always tell my daughter I don't agree with what she is doing and run through the zero logic but I do allow her to do it. Until I get (or if I get) professional help I suck it up and allow her to clean the imaginary dirty things, it annoys the hell out of me and I get so frustrated and angry but walk away when she is having an OCD moment so I don't make it worse by shouting at her.

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Hi there... It is a real struggle,  but one  day you'll be able to look back on this...  Have a read of the other forums on the ocd-uk site, and get your son to have a read too... You never know, but maybe he'll find something he identifies with, and that can maybe be the first step on his journey to recovery...

David 

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We're in the same boat too. We've had an online GP appointment and spoken with the school.  My son is 11 years old.  We can't get a referral to CAMHS without CAHMS seeing that support has been provided elsewhere and been unsuccessful. I'm at the point of tearing my hair out and in tears with it all.  My son's OCD compulsions take place after school so we don't have the same problems before school.  I just wanted to say you're not alone.  

We've also tried some of the OCD books for children like "What to do when your brain gets stuck" by Dawn Huebner.  Aimed at younger kids but the more helpful as it's a quick read.  It helped to an extent.  There's also "Talking back to OCD: The Program that helps Kids and Teens say No Way" by John March.   It's aimed at teens and older children. A little bit dull for my son at 11 but maybe suitable for yours. 

These videos helped too. They are made by Natasha Daniels in America.  You can find them on Youtube by searching OCD and Natasha Daniels.  It's really well explained for children.  I've linked to the playlist on YouTube.  

If you explore her channel, it's really good.  

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Thank you for this helpful info, I will have a look for those books and check out the YouTube videos.

My daughter does now see that her OCD is out of control which is good to be aware of that, her anger unfortunately when things drop on the floor or she momentarily forgets causes the most problems. She lashes out and breaks things in frustration and anger. Half term is coming which is good, at least no upset from dirty classrooms, kids, books, everything! I know it won't go away on its own but at least one week with slightly less triggers will make her slightly less anxious.

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Thank you so much for the suggestions. I’m hoping that half term will help to provide a break from the compulsion cycle of term time. I will look at the videos and books with my son. It’s good to know that it can be broken. 

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  • 1 year later...
On 04/10/2021 at 14:57, HGR said:

Hi all, 

I’m a new member, my 14 year old son has been struggling with contamination OCD for a few years. We are a family of 4, and my husband and I are at breaking point, because my son cannot do simple things, such as getting dressed, getting dry after a shower, touching his clean clothes if he thinks he is dirty or accepting that something is clean when I give it to him.
My son also has ASD, but it is the OCD which causes the problems. We cannot function as a family, we struggle to get him to school, I have taken today off sick (I’m a teacher- horrific workload in a very pressured secondary school) because we have spent the weekend with my son at crisis point over putting some clean laundry away.

My son’s school have agreed to CBT with their educational psychologist. I am incredibly grateful for this as camhs has refused us help for the 3rd time. But right now, I don’t know how to help him.

If I don’t enable his behaviours, I don’t get to work- end of. Mornings are horrendous and extremely pressured, we are all very upset by the time we leave the house. Every day is the same routine of him refusing to touch anything, refusing to allow me to help him because I am contaminated, being late, his grandad (who takes him to school) becoming stressed and is caving in to his demands for a 2nd shower. 
 

I feel your fear too OP, I am living in fear that I will lose my job and render us homeless because I cannot be present at work, tackle my workload and parent my son. We cannot afford for me to not work. But if I do take some time off to help him, what/how do I do that? One day here and there is not useful, because my son will revert to his safety behaviour just so that I can leave the house. I honestly do not know how working parents are handling ocd in their children, because I am failing miserable on all counts.

Any advice will be gratefully received. 

i feel like i am in the same routine as my 13 year old son at the moment. It has been 1 year and we are still waiting for cahms. He is due to start private therapy hopefully this week. Would you have any useful tools to cope, my family is falling apart.

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