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Worried once again


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Thanks for the reminder Caramoole. It's really tough to walk the line, especially when one wants to help so much!

Cora, the last piece of reassurance I'll offer you is that discuccsant is completely right in what they say about arousal. It's a conditioned response--through your obsessing and ruminating, you've taught your brain to associated "sex" and "sexually taboo topics". Just like someone with a phobia of dogs conditions their brain to respond with terror at the sight, sound, or even thought of a dog, your brain reflexively (remember how you said that the arousal was like a reflex as soon as you saw the two words together?) sends an arousal response because of the association. It doesn't mean you like the topic; it's as simple as Pavlov's dogs salivating when they hear a bell. And yes, arousal feels nice, and so it's totally normal to instinctively want it to continue. 

But look, it's clear that you need to understand OCD better in order to have the motivation you need to resist this. Please read Brain Lock. It will give you answers. Best of luck.

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It's tough, I know Saffron and have to say that you have given some really excellent advice and examples.  

Taking that leap of faith is perhaps the toughest step we have to take on the journey to wellness but one we all have to take at some stage.  I wish it were otherwise :(

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Thanks Caramoole, I really appreciate it! I've been dealing with health-related OCD for about a year. I've always been quite anxious, but didn't develop these symptoms until the double whammy of my Dad passing and COVID (I was in NYC in March 2020...it wasn't pretty). Reading through these threads (especially ones NOT about health anxiety) has been super helpful, and I've learned a whole lot from you, Caramoole. Please don't doubt your words are helping others even when you're not even aware of it! ❤️

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I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.  It's not surprising that this tipped you over.  OCD is an anxiety disorder and when we are suffering acute anxiety it is very easy for obsessions to develop and for it to become a disorder.  If you can understand that this is often how it develops, it can help to see the pattern and demystify what's going on and what needs to be done to break this cycle and the things we do that maintain it.  You clearly have a very good understanding of things and if you can manage to apply that, your prognosis is good :)

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Thank you so much! My insight is good, but I've long struggled with learned helplessness (largely due to anxiety-fueled low self esteem, I suspect), so it's been a bit of a journey getting myself to a point where I trust myself to make change. I've made progress, however, and am feeling like now it's just a matter of time and will until I beat this thing. I actually just started reading Brain Lock myself, which I've already found super helpful in reframing my thoughts and properly attributing them to OCD. That's why I so urge Cora to read it--for me, at least (and I suspect for Cora as well), insight is everything in fighting this. 

How are you doing, Caramoole?

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Thank you so very much for your help, @Saffron37 and @Caramoole

On 13/10/2021 at 12:48, Saffron37 said:

That's why I so urge Cora to read it--for me, at least (and I suspect for Cora as well), insight is everything in fighting this

Thank you for the recommendation, @Saffron37, I promise I will give it a go. Also, I wanted to say that I'm sorry you're struggling as well and I can only imagine how hard it must be. I wish you lots of strength and I hope you can get better. 

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I'm still stuck, to be honest. I can feel how my brain wants me to keep debating this subject. It drives me crazy because I have this massive urge to keep looking for answers even though I have one. And I know that this answer makes perfect sense but to my brain it just doesn't seem enough. How do I make it want to stop debating and look for other answers and explanations? 

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Cora, in Brain Lock, the author makes an interesting point about how both Parkinson's disease and OCD are caused by disturbances and misfiring of a part of the brain called the striatum. The difference is that the disturbance in Parkinson's causes uncontrollable movements (hence why a key symptom of Parkinson's is trembling muscles), and OCD caused uncontrollable thoughts.

The other big different between the two is that Parkinson's currently can't be cured, but OCD is largely controllable with insight and CBT/ERP therapy. 

However, just like you wouldn't look at a Parkinson's patient and say "stop that trembling right now!", a person with OCD can't just expect to order their brain to "stop debating and looking for other answers." You need to understand how to make sense of all the things happening in your mind, and for that you need information. For that information, you need this book.

By the way, I am very much not underestimating how hard it is. I have pretty high confidence that my intrusive thoughts and compulsive urges are just OCD, and yet it is SUPER hard not to give into them anyway. I'm definitely still struggling, but that's the point--we have to try to get better. We have to struggle against these urges, we have to try. It's hard enough doing so equipped with knowledge and insight that the obsessions and compulsions are just OCD--if I didn't have that understanding, I'd be entirely lost. Please give yourself the tools you need to get better.

Edited by Saffron37
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18 hours ago, Cora said:

I'm still stuck, to be honest. I can feel how my brain wants me to keep debating this subject. It drives me crazy because I have this massive urge to keep looking for answers even though I have one. And I know that this answer makes perfect sense but to my brain it just doesn't seem enough. How do I make it want to stop debating and look for other answers and explanations? 

It takes two to debate. You are one of the two. You can choose to not get involved in the debate, no matter how loud and obnoxious the other is.

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22 hours ago, Cora said:

How do I make it want to stop debating and look for other answers and explanations? 

Through practice and consistency. How do you do well on an exam? Do you read the material once and feel ready to answer the questions, or do you repeat what you have read for days, maybe weeks before the exam? This is exactly the same thing. Your brain wants a new answer today, you gently tell it that it already has a really good answer and move on. In an hour, your brain will come back with doubt and again you remind it that it has a satisfactory answer and it has to move on. This will keep happening and you will have to keep reminding it. Then, once you've told it "no, let's move on" dozens of times, it will ask less often.

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