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Husband struggling


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Hi there,

Im after a little advise. My husband has always had intrusive thoughts OCD, contamination OCD which makes him quite controlling.  He always managed to cover it up with alcohol but a few years ago he stopped the drink and faced it. He got help from a therapist and through meds and seemed to get on top of it. However since COVID appeared it seems to have spiralled and getting worse and worse. He's currently between therapists and is really struggling. He's disinfecting everything all the time and washing/sanitising his hands constantly. He tries to hide it from me but i notice. He is so worried about catching and passing COVID on he has cancelled our cleaner and doesn't want anyone coming into the house. He doesn't go into work anymore, he doesn't go on trains and doesn't like going out. I have now noticed he doesn't want to drive anymore because he's worried about running people over. And if he does drive he has to go back to check he hasn't run anyone over. He's always snappy now and shouts at the kids all the time. He tells me how he is feeling alot and I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. I'm not sure how to deal with this and I feel I can't talk to anyone because they won't understand. I'm feeling super trapped and the only rest bite I get is work. 

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Hi Katherine, I think COVID broke a lot of people who were coping although not sure he really was coping that well from what you say - he would really benefit from a medication review at the GP but also if he's got to this level where its affecting the whole family he needs to take action as a parent, he needs to get proper help I'm not sure any therapist would be suitable, it needs to be a CBT practitioner with relevant (preferably NHS) experience.  Have you called the OCD UK Helpline and asked about accessing a formal referral on the NHS?  Find out what his options are so you can go to the GP with him armed with information  OCD Action also run a partners of OCD sufferers support group I think its once or twice a month on zoom.  Its important that he follows this up and takes action that will lead to proper treatment, for the sake of your family as well.

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Hi Katherine,

I'm sorry to hear how much your husband is struggling at the moment and how much it is impacting on the whole family. Unfortunately, Covid-19 has affected many people with OCD, so we know how hard it can be. Have you spoken to him about accessing further CBT for OCD? If he is in England then he can self-refer to his local Improving Access to Psychological Therapies (IAPT) service. To find his local IAPT service you can search here https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

We do have quite a few resources on coping during the pandemic, perhaps you could look at some of these together, to at least begin discussing seeking help again. We have our member's magazine that we made free to everyone last April https://www.ocduk.org/april-compulsive-reading/ We also have a presentation on Covid-19 here https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/breakout/ocd-and-coronavirus-themes-and-survival-tips/

It's really important that you also look after yourself at this time, try to remember that it is not your responsibility to fix your husband, and that he does need to choose to reach out for support. If you can try to have an open, honest conversation about how the OCD is impacting on you and explain that you want to work together to tackle it. Anger and frustration can happen when there are high levels of anxiety, but that doesn't mean that it's acceptable. If you can try to take some time for yourself, however small it might be, it can make all the difference.

Gemma

 

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