Fear about COVID-19 paralyses my life

[agreatsummer]

Hi, folks. This might be a familiar topic for many of you, but I suppose it is still quite different from what most other stories may sound like. 

I am an international student from China who has come to study in a postgraduate programme here in the UK. Back home, I was diagnosed with OCD as early as in senior high, although I can actually recall having similar symptoms in elementary or even way before that. 

One of my major fears, as it is with numerous fellows, is contamination, especially with regard to pathogens, which, not surprisingly, include coronavirus. Some of you may have heard about how stringent the preventive measures are in China, where we have had very few local cases after the very first stage of the outbreak. Therefore, the fear for this virus existed inside of me yet was far from everyday life, so there was no chance it could be activated. However, as I had no choice but to leave that comfort zone to further my studies abraod for my personal prospects, that fear started to grow real and distinct. I even suffered sleeping problems during the months before my departure, which were so serious that I had to take sleeping pills from time to time.

What is quite peculiar about me is that while I may also become worried about being harmed by the germs myself, the majority of my fear is derived from the feeling that I may be spreading them consciously yet unvoluntarily, expanding the scope of contamination in the environment. I am very scared of that sense of uncertainty and loss of control. For example, if there were something in my possession that I feel may have been contaminated, I would feel that if I don't do something about it and simply continue to touch and use it as usual, I will be bringing the virus everywhere I touch thereafter, which would result in an overwhelmingly unbearable mess. I would feel that I shall be held accoutable for all these consequences, and other people would be potentially at risk of infection, which would all be my fault because I did not get rid of the contamination when it was only affecting me myself. That guilty conscience drives me to be extremely sensitive and cautious, or even paranoid.

To give you a real example, a few weeks ago, I went to the university service centre to collect my BRP and student card. During the process, one of the staff members at the counter happened to give a sneeze, and she subconsciously covered her mouth and nose with her hand. She then rammaged among the letters in the drawer to get my BRP card for me. Although the staff member was wearing a cloth face covering when she sneezed, I still grew very tense and anxious, because I thought that if she had been infected, she could be passing the virus onto my personal documents with her hands. After I returned to my flat, I disinfected the BRP and student card with alcohol, and even sprayed the enclosed letter totally wet on the floor until it dried up. However, I was unable to do so to my passport because it is so important and this could damage it. Therefore, the passport has remained a source of contamination for me since then. I wrapped it up in plastic bags and placed it inside a carton box in one of the drawers. Although it has been around 3 weeks since then, I still do not dare to touch it. I keep searching online for how long the virus can survive on surfaces, but whatever answers do not seem sufficient to address my concerns. And unfortunately (a strange word for this, huh?) enough, I will have to use it next week for my police registration, which further adds to my existing anxiety.

This is just one example of the countless things that I encounter throughout my daily life. Besides that, I always remain extraordinarily vigilant when I go out, because I am very scared that people may contaminate my clothes with droplets as they walk past me talking, coughing or sneezing – in fact, I do not usually go out unless really necessary. I spend a lot of time doing cleaning work in my flat, but there never seems to be end to it. I want to live like my peers, who are also concerned about the virus but lead generally normal lives with ordinary protective measures like wearing masks, but I just can't.

[Angst]

Hi agreatsummer

It must be strange to switch countries where there have been very different COVID policies and procedures. Was your anxiety pertaining to COVID in China as it has been in the U.K.? How does your experience in the U.K. relate to other Chinese students, especially those without OCD? Have you received the vaccine?

I find a good and reliable source about COVID in the U.K. is to be the ZOE app run by senior academics and researchers at King’s College London. They also compare the U.K. data with other European countries and comment on the different policies pertaining in countries. They were the first to indicate that loss of smell as a feature of COVID and now indicate it is not a common symptom.

I do take precautions, as many do in the U.K., which are legal requirements in many European countries such as wearing face masks in shops and public transport.
 

Your heightened fear of spreading disease is common to OCD sufferers. I do not worry about contaminated surfaces especially after a period of time has elapsed. I believe the date reveals it is not a major problem.

I would take your lead from your fellow Chinese students and adopt the practices that they engage in. Wear masks in crowded places and live generally normal life. This implies going out more and not spending an incredible amount of time cleaning. Enjoy your studies.

Edited October 13, 2021 by Angst

[Gemma@OCDUK]

Hi agreatsummer,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're finding things so tough at the moment. It sounds like OCD is really impacting on your daily life. Have you looked into accessing any help for the OCD? 

The current recommended psychological treatment for OCD is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which looks at the meanings you place on your thoughts and feelings and how you can react differently to them. The goal of CBT is to help you to become your own therapist, so when thoughts or feelings come up, you have the tools to deal with them and not get stuck in the OCD cycle.

You could also speak to your GP about medication for OCD. The current recommended medication are a type of antidepressant called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs). How effective they are does vary from person to person and often it can be trial and error to find one that works for you, but some people find that they can help reduce anxiety, and make it easier to challenge OCD in CBT.

We do have some resources on coping with OCD and Covid-19, our member's magazine https://www.ocduk.org/april-compulsive-reading/ and a conference presentation here https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/breakout/ocd-and-coronavirus-themes-and-survival-tips/

Gemma

[agreatsummer]

10 hours ago, Angst said:

Hi agreatsummer

It must be strange to switch countries where there have been very different COVID policies and procedures. Was your anxiety pertaining to COVID in China as it has been in the U.K.? How does your experience in the U.K. relate to other Chinese students, especially those without OCD? Have you received the vaccine?

I find a good and reliable source about COVID in the U.K. is to be the ZOE app run by senior academics and researchers at King’s College London. They also compare the U.K. data with other European countries and comment on the different policies pertaining in countries. They were the first to indicate that loss of smell as a feature of COVID and now indicate it is not a common symptom.

I do take precautions, as many do in the U.K., which are legal requirements in many European countries such as wearing face masks in shops and public transport.
 

Your heightened fear of spreading disease is common to OCD sufferers. I do not worry about contaminated surfaces especially after a period of time has elapsed. I believe the date reveals it is not a major problem.

I would take your lead from your fellow Chinese students and adopt the practices that they engage in. Wear masks in crowded places and live generally normal life. This implies going out more and not spending an incredible amount of time cleaning. Enjoy your studies.

Hi Angst,

Thanks a lot for your reply. I have started to try taking things the easier way with ordinary precautions when I'm outside, though the steps I have been taking may still seem small at the moment. For example, I try not to stay excessively distanced from other pedestrians in the street with my mask on. I still avoid people who are talking or so and places that are crowded, but I seem to have gained some assurance that it is generally fine to come across people as normal.

I have been double-jabbed before departure for the UK in China, with our domestic inactivated vaccine by Sinopharm, which has also been approved by the WHO. I think what I fear most is not really contracting the virus myself, because I know that wearing masks, maintaining social distance and practising hand hygiene are actually enough to prevent infection, and even if I were infected, I would most probably have mild symptoms and recover soon. What I am afraid of is the sense of loss of control and the guilty feeling of potentially spreading the virus in the environment. For example, if something related to me may have been potentially contaminated, like my clothes, my official documents or a facility in my flat, I grow very anxious because I would feel that I will be bringing the contamination onto other personal belongings, where the viruses will always remain and tag along with me in the future days, which is unbearable to me. I would also fear bringing such contamination out into the public, because I would feel that all the repurcussions that arise therefrom will be on my account, and it is uncertain who may come into contact with the viruses and what will happen. I just can't tolerate that feeling of risk and uncertainty, even though these may be minor. On one hand I would think, OK, there's no need to worry about that, but then on the other hand, I would think, oh man, how can you neglect such an apparent threat you may be accountable for? This may sound ridiculous and self-contradictory, but that's exactly the source of my tension.

Edited October 13, 2021 by agreatsummer

[agreatsummer]

11 hours ago, Gemma@OCDUK said:

Hi agreatsummer,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're finding things so tough at the moment. It sounds like OCD is really impacting on your daily life. Have you looked into accessing any help for the OCD? 

The current recommended psychological treatment for OCD is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which looks at the meanings you place on your thoughts and feelings and how you can react differently to them. The goal of CBT is to help you to become your own therapist, so when thoughts or feelings come up, you have the tools to deal with them and not get stuck in the OCD cycle.

You could also speak to your GP about medication for OCD. The current recommended medication are a type of antidepressant called Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs). How effective they are does vary from person to person and often it can be trial and error to find one that works for you, but some people find that they can help reduce anxiety, and make it easier to challenge OCD in CBT.

We do have some resources on coping with OCD and Covid-19, our member's magazine https://www.ocduk.org/april-compulsive-reading/ and a conference presentation here https://www.ocduk.org/conference/conference-map/breakout/ocd-and-coronavirus-themes-and-survival-tips/

Gemma

Hi Gemma,

Thanks a lot for the information you provided. Currently I have made a self-referral to one of the mental health services in my city, and I am planning to have an appointment with my GP over the next weeks so that they may refer me to other sources which may provide help.

As for medication, I have been taking fluvoxamine meleate, also commonly known by the brand name Luvox, under the prescription of the psychiatrists back in China.