Relapsed hard.... back to point 0

[Anonanon]

Hi all

Sorry for writing again but this time it was a complete defeat. Something wierd happened and it really ****** me. 

My baby cousin ,with whom i have a fake memory. Please refer this link.

 

So she came to my house, i was tensed a bit. A lot of intrusive thoughts regarding so many things filled my mind. But i easily ignored them. I was feeling so proud of myself. We played , talked and fought. I called her petty names and irritated her. My favourite thing to do. It was going well.

But i was still worried about my memory. Before leaving she waved bye. But suddenly she said something that zhook my whole reality.

She naughtily said , " you did not do right with this child" and hid her face. I asked her ," with whom". She hid her face grinning.

Her parents and my mom laughed at this and she left. But i was shocked to the core. I started crying immediately. Nothing inappropriate happened today but i got so scared.

Did she remember something that i fear i may have done

Or 

Is it a sign from the gods, that i have done something bad with this child or some else child.

My mother told me that she has a history of saying uncomfortable and spontaneous things like this. Even i know of her this habbit. 

I relapsed so hard. All the progress i have made till now has gone down the flush. My memories are now flooding my mind and i am so confused that it is killing me.

I have been crying continuously. What does this mean....

 

[PolarBear]

What it means is that OCD threw you a curve ball and you fell for it. You jumped on doing compulsions and now your mind is going a thousand miles an hour.

Leave it alone. Wash your hands of it all. Don't look for answers or meanings.

[Bismah OCD-UK Volunteer]

Hi Anonanon,

Sorry to hear that you're struggling. When you're doing a little better with OCD, it will throw multiple things at you to keep you stuck. You feel distressed and sad and that is understandable, you don't want to be what OCD keeps telling you. Are you on any medication? This will help to bring down the anxiety and make it easier for you to ignore your compulsions.