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Extreme guilt.


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I don't know if this is even OCD but I just need to let it out... The other day on the subway's mecanic stairs I was talking with classmate A about how classmate B talks way too much and how that might have given her a headache the other day when they were both on the way home on the same train, all that expressed in a Spanish slang used to express how someone can be so annoying when they speak to you way too much almost telling your their whole life in a minute hence being kinda disrespectful myself and classmate A agreed, then I was like 'well there's people who are just like that' and we didn't say more. So I know classmate B was around because I saw her get on the same train but I knew she was way behind us but still I turned around because I'm so so paranoid and I saw she was waaay down the stairs and looking at her phone I think, so the chances of her hearing me talk are minimum BUT I THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HER JUST FOR TURNING AROUND WHILE I SPEAK TO SOMEONE ELSE...... then classmate A and I were on a footbridge still on the subway that takes passengers to the other side of the station because it's so extense. Classmate A and I were talking together, talking about something else and she suddenly apparead from behind and made room on the footbridge not even excusing herself just colliding with me (to be fair, we are both big and the footbridge is so tight and maybe she was in a hurry) she didn't say good bye I just got that feeling she might have heard me talk before and I feel so bad... I even messaged her the other day to ask her about how her pidgeon was doing, all that to see her reaction to my message and to analyze her reply and I have to say I wasn't satisfied. Maybe it's because through the phone you can't really see if a person is angry at you but I feel so so so bad I hate myself and I don't wanna attend class today :( :( :( 

Edited by lily17
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Hi Lily17,

If I'm being honest it is very normal for humans to share how they feel about another person. Everyone does it. It is clear that OCD is taking advantage of this situation and is trying to make you feel guilty and causing you to hate yourself. Trying to analyse situations or text messages won't help and will only make your OCD worse. The reason you are trying to do this is because you want to get rid of the guilt feeling. It is important to be self-compassionate with yourself when the guilt is high and remind yourself that you are in fact a human. Are you seeking any therapy? 

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On 20/10/2021 at 20:40, Bismah OCD-UK Volunteer said:

Hi Lily17,

If I'm being honest it is very normal for humans to share how they feel about another person. Everyone does it. It is clear that OCD is taking advantage of this situation and is trying to make you feel guilty and causing you to hate yourself. Trying to analyse situations or text messages won't help and will only make your OCD worse. The reason you are trying to do this is because you want to get rid of the guilt feeling. It is important to be self-compassionate with yourself when the guilt is high and remind yourself that you are in fact a human. Are you seeking any therapy? 

Hello Bismah,

Thank you for your response. That very day I had a chat with her and she seemed just like always with me so I believe she, in fact, didn't hear a thing. Although I confess I chatted with her in order to check her reaction to me and all... oops. I've been in therapy for four years now, but there's just too much more beyond OCD, I'm afraid. Therefore, it's really hard to me all this situation...

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