Urges/adrenaline

[Dancingducks]

Hi everyone, 

This is my first time visiting the forum. I’m really struggling right now. A bit of background….I am 42 and I started having ocd intrusive thoughts when I was around 18. I was put on Clomipramine back then and I’m still on them now. I managed to get down to 50mg but now I’m on 75mg a day. 
Though recently I have had a real blip. I don’t know what has triggered it but first I was obsessing about dying. Now I just have this horrible feeling inside which I think is adrenaline…and it overwhelms me and I’m so scared I am going to go mad or scream or something similar. Every time I go out it’s worse but even at home I get it too. I’m so worried I’m going to lose control.  
I know I shouldn’t be seeking reassurance but I just feel so scared. 
I have just started CBT through the NHS and every time I talk to the lovely lady I feel worse afterwards. 
Does anyone ever get these like urge/energy type feelings like you will lose control? 
thanks so much for reading

 

Ellen 

[Caramoole]

Hi DD and  to the forum

It is a horrid feeling isn't it?  It is just a state of heightened anxiety & your body hyped up on a cocktail of stress hormones.  It feels like if this thing moved up one more gear you'd just lose control, go mad, do something awful.  I think that's often when many of obsessions start...."What if I ,most control and.......?"  I know mine did

Do you feel it's the general anxiety that's making you feel .like this or particular obsessions?

[Dancingducks]

Thanks for the reply. Yes a lot of my thoughts are “what ifs?” My sister suffers too. Usually I’m quite under control though have the odd blip now and again but this time it’s lasting a lot longer. Not sure what has triggered it. I wish I knew. I had a really hard time when the whole novachok poisoning happened. I obsessed about it happening to me. Even the other day I was convinced something was in a bottle of Fanta and panicked. 
I just want it to go. It’s so distressing feeling  stressed all the time.

At the moment I really feel like the CBT I’m having is making it worse. I’m going to stick with it though. 

[Caramoole]

Why do you feel that is?  Is it that it's bringing things to the forefront and making you face uncomfortable feelings that you'd rather push under?

[Dancingducks]

I don’t know why. Whilst talking to the lady I  am fine and open about what I am thinking and feeling but I always seem to feel worse the next few days. I’m just so scared of losing control. My sister is a great support to me but it’s hard. I am wondering if it’s peri menopause making me worse but the doctor doesn’t think it is because of my age and because I’m not having the sweats. It’s just bizarre how I was mostly under control with it then I get this bad again. 
I keep wanting a reason for the flare up. I do wonder if the fact that I’ve become big on TikTok and can’t go out without getting stopped by people wanting photos or to say hello, which I don’t mind but I feel like people are almost watching me. 
 

[Caramoole]

Fear of losing control is common but you won't.  I'm not sure about the peri-menopause, it definitely can make lots of anxiety issues but you are on the young side.  In the absence of some other symptoms it's difficult to say.

I'm afraid I don't know much about TikTok, never viewed it but if anything is putting you under any pressure it's always worth weighing up the pros and cons as to whether it's worth it.

[snowbear]

10 hours ago, Dancingducks said:

I don’t know why. Whilst talking to the lady I  am fine and open about what I am thinking and feeling but I always seem to feel worse the next few days.

I'd bet money on the reason for your anxiety following the appointment is you go away and ruminate on it. Likely you replay in your head what you said, think about how she might have interpreted it, whether she judged you for it etc. These are all compulsions and will increase the anxiety because they keep you focused on the 'problem' without offering any answers or conclusions.

Therapists usually give you homework to do between sessions. Try to keep your focus on that and not let your mind go back over the previous session. You might find it helpful to jot down one or two takeaway points from each session as it ends, so you aren't tempted to keep replaying everything obsessively under the pretence that you're doing your homework or checking what you learned. It's also ok to ask the therapist for her opinion on 'what are today's takeaway points?' so you have a summary in your head as you leave.

[Dancingducks]

Thank you both for the advice. I will definitely try to remember that for tomorrow’s cbt session. I did my homework this week which was going and sitting on a bench and sit through the anxiety. Some days were better than others. I find getting tired makes me feel worse too. I like obsess I am going to go mad. It’s a horrible feeling.