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Obsessive thoughts


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Hi everyone,

I’ve been managing fairly well lately and EMDR seems to be doing something. After my last session I said I wanted to look at some of my past relationship experiences as I believe some of the trauma and distress there should be resolved. 
My therapy session is tomorrow and I reflected on some experiences and remembered an occasion 18 years ago where I had a ‘heavy petting‘ encounter with someone from a country with high HIV incidence. There was no intercourse. Since then I have had several sexual health check ups and have always been negative, however as I had some so long ago the memory is hazy and the results have always come back by text. Last night I was frantically searching through WhatsApp conversations to prove I had had blood taken and therefore been checked for HIV. I found two lots of evidence which should calm me down, but no. I’m questioning if the samples were even tested for HIV which is ridiculous as that is the whole point of the blood test. I think because I don’t have a nice piece of paper saying I don’t have HIV I’m questioning my memory. I’m sure I’d remember if I had tested positive. Has anyone else got past this sort of doubting behaviour?

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So... you opened a can of worms and now you're distressed. Do you see the problem? 

I know you think some things need to be resolved but it is exactly that kind of thinking that gets OCD sufferers in trouble. They always want a definitive answer, a solution to a perceived problem, a resolution.

OCD won't let you have that. It never does. Suppose you have a piece of paper that says you don't have HIV. You think that will make the thoughts go away? Hardly.

From past experience, you'll get new obsessions that the test was faulty, or something else, and you'll feel compelled to get another one. And on and on.

So what to do? Leave it alone. Let it go.

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I am glad that on this forum I don’t have people responding with similar alarm to myself. 
I had therapy this morning and it der like a weight has been lifted afterwards. I felt a lot brighter. 
I find OCD can be like trying to put out a fire but little flames keep appearing from underneath and can take off again. 
I also find that when there is a real situation to deal with I handle it quite well, it tends to be the doubting afterwards or totally irrational stuff that gets to me. 

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