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I'm female, 23 and asexual. I've never had any sexual thoughts, desires or impluses about anyone and I am fully aware that I would never hurt anyone in any way. I have suffered from OCD for years and the obsessions have varied from topic to topic. Recently I noticed that I would occasionally get a tingly shiver that would go through my chest and down to my genitals when I saw a child. I would have no thoughts, urges or desires to do anything to the child, half the time I wouldn't even register that there was a child, but the shiver would happen. A few months ago, my brain latched onto the idea that the shiver is arousal or that discharge from the vagina is arousal and that makes me a pedophile and now the thoughts revolve around that idea and occasionally get disturbing images. I get thoughts constantly going "is that a child" or "are there children near?", whenever I see a person despite knowing they are an adult, which is confusing. 

I occasionally masturbate as I very rarely get the urge to but those are few and far between, but now I'm second guessing every time I have, wondering if I have unintentionally been thinking of children?

I've never been able to stand children, they've always made me uncomfortable.  

I get distressed whenever I see a child, constantly worrying that I have done something in the past, worried that I am turning into what the thoughts are telling me, worried that the shiver is going to develop into something more, worried that I am actually sexually attracted to children.

I'm struggling to live life normally, I've found myself withdrawing from my friends, my partner knows but there is only so much they can do, I get anxious in public places, can't enjoy things that I used to enjoy and this is ruining my life. 

I have no idea why I'm making this post. Maybe to see if I'm alone in this or not, or maybe just to get the thoughts out of my head.  

 

Edited by Winter1
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Additional because I apparently cannot edit my own post anymore. The shivers have increased since I acknowledged them which I am aware I shouldn't have, and the intrusive thoughts are taking up nearly every second of my day. 

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Hi Winter1,

You're certainly not alone. A few minutes browsing the forums will show you it's a common theme for people with OCD.

It sounds like you're doing an awful lot of ruminating which is why the intrusive thoughts have worsened.

Are you getting any CBT help yet?

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On 11/11/2021 at 13:18, Winter1 said:

I am currently on the waiting list for CBT but I don't know how long that will take. 

Is there anything you could suggest that I do whilst I am waiting to be contacted?

Good news that you'll be receiving CBT, chase it up from time to time and make sure the waiting time is going down.

I suggest you read a good self-help book while you're waiting. A popular one is 'Break Free from OCD' but you can browse a selection of OCD-UK approved books here. (3 pages, so you can scroll through.)

Also reading a few posts on the forum can help you pick up some tips from people's replies. Something to remember is all OCD is the same regardless of theme. So there's no such thing as 'POCD' or any other type, it's all just OCD and the way you approach it and treat it is the same no matter what topic the person is obsessed about.

Very quick overview:

OCD targets whatever you value most, such as morals, being a good person etc.

Fear of doing wrong or losing something you value creates 'unwanted thoughts' about that very thing happening.

Thoughts > anxiety > behaviours that try to reduce the anxiety.

These behaviours are called compulsions. They can vary greatly but common ones are asking for reassurance, checking things, testing yourself, avoidance, and the biggie - rumination (going over and over the thoughts in your mind looking for solutions or trying to negate them.)

Recovery starts with realising the thoughts are 'just thoughts' and have no significance in themselves. Everybody gets these kind of thoughts, not just people with OCD. The problems start when you interpret the thoughts as significant or meaning something and then you feel you have to take action because of what they mean - that's OCD.

Next step is to identify your compulsions (They'll likely come into some of the groups above, but the details will be unique to you.)

Then you resist giving in to the urge to carry out these compulsions.

Anxiety levels may go up in the short-term, but if you remind yourself the thoughts don't mean anything and keep resisting compulsions your anxiety will drop eventually.

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40 minutes ago, Handy said:

How do they do CBT for this?

CBT always has two parts, cognitive (changing how you interpret your thoughts) and behavioural (changing how you respond to the anxiety.)

 

On 11/11/2021 at 10:00, Winter1 said:

my brain latched onto the idea that the shiver is arousal or that discharge from the vagina is arousal and that makes me a pedophile

This is an example of faulty interpretation. Deciding that something you experienced (in this case arousal) means your fear is true (that she's a paedophile. 

Clearly (to those of us not suffering from this obsessive thought) it means nothing of the kind. But to the sufferer it makes sense at the time. A therapist can talk you through how OCD makes these faulty associations, interpretations and conclusions, and help you see a different interpretation of your thoughts and feelings.

The behavioural part of therapy is about identifying what your compulsions are and stopping them. Guided ERP(exposure response prevention) is usually part of this, where you gradually expose yourself to greater levels of anxiety and learn how to control and reduce it.

ERP has nothing to do with desensitization (which you suggested in another post.) Any 'desensitization' which occurs comes from changing your interpretation so that the thoughts no longer produce an anxiety response.

 

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