Curiosity

[Winter1]

As I've started in my previous posts, my intrusive thoughts and obsession seems to stem around children at the current time and I panicked that that meant I was a paedophile. However none of my intrusive thoughts were sexual in any nature. I'd get a tingly shiver and jump to conclusions. 

However, my partner suggested that, as I'm 23, my body may be preparing me to have a child, yet I am asexual and have no desire to have children, biologically or by other methods.

Is it possible for my body to unconsciously want and prepare for a child yet my mind adamantly does not?

I'm aware no-one may have the answer but this is my only platform for asking things like this at the current time

Edited November 16, 2021 by Winter1

[Caramoole]

Whilst I'm not an expert, I would almost certainly say that this is not the case.  However, our bodies can have all sorts of physical sensations related to anxiety/OCD and the more we put attention on them, the more we notice or worry about them

[Winter1]

This is where I'm confused. I get anxious around children, I get the weird tingly shiver around children yet none of the intrusive thoughts are sexual, nor do I get any urges or desires to do anything to children. More like the thoughts just throw the word "child" at me, or I just get an image of a kid's face, or for some reason is constantly aware of where a child is?

So I have no idea what my brain is trying to do but it's taking up a big portion of my mental time.

Edited November 16, 2021 by Winter1

[Winter1]

Could I just be anxious around children? Cos the shivers have happened for years. 

I know asking for reassurance is not a good thing to do but I am genuinely confused by what is going on in my head. 

[snowbear]

2 hours ago, Winter1 said:

my intrusive thoughts and obsession seems to stem around children at the current time and I panicked that that meant I was a paedophile. However none of my intrusive thoughts were sexual in any nature.

my partner suggested that, as I'm 23, my body may be preparing me to have a child, yet I am asexual and have no desire to have children, biologically or by other methods.

More like the thoughts just throw the word "child" at me, or I just get an image of a kid's face, or for some reason is constantly aware of where a child is

So I have no idea what my brain is trying to do but it's taking up a big portion of my mental time.

 

OCD is always about something you feel is threatening, life changing or in some way important - either because you want it or because you don't want it.

Sounds to me as though your nervousness and obsession around children may be to do with you not wanting them. And perhaps a fear you might be expected to want a child or pressurised into parenthood?

The shivery tingles you describe are, as Caramoole said, most likely you compulsively checking your body for a reaction.

I would start by talking through with your partner how certain you are that you don't want children. Is he in agreement, or is this a potential area of conflict in the relationship? If it is (or you fear it might be) that would make perfect sense why this has become an OCD issue - ultimately it could be a fear about the relationship struggling if you disagree on this subject.

Once things are out in the open you can either relax on the children hyperalertness or take steps to sort/ strengthen your relationship so you don't feel insecure on that front.

[Winter1]

Thank you snowbear, I will definitely do that.