update and questions re: therapy

[Pikachu]

Hi all, I haven’t posted for a while so I guess I’ll give a few updates about my situation. 

I’m not in a particularly bad place, still working on resisting my compulsions for the most part though unfortunately still practicing some avoidance re: my sexuality based fears. The feeling I must do this has certainly lessened over time and I’m attempting to gradually stop practicing any avoidance altogether, though I do think I’d potentially like to focus on this when I get a therapist. It just feels very daunting to do alone. I have been feeling low lately for certain though, I wonder if it’s partly the winter season and the re-emergence of slightly depressive, ‘nothing matters’ feelings.

I’m still kind of in an awkward situation re: therapy, because I just don’t want my parents to know I’m going to get it, mostly because I don’t want them asking loads and loads of questions about my OCD, I want them to just leave me to do it. I know that I could express this to them but whenever I mention experiencing any anxiety at all, even seemingly non-OCD related anxiety (I’ve been having worries about inducing a heart attack in myself these last few months, I’m mostly dealing with it okay) they always want to know exactly why and the truth is, expressing what my OCD fears are won’t help diminish those fears and could become compulsive in nature, and other times I don’t know why I feel anxious, I just do. 

I don’t like a big fuss or concern to be made about it because I experience anxiety every single day. I’ve accepted it’s a part of my life in a way they haven’t because I just have left them out of this conversation for the past five years. Maybe this was my fault, but I’d just really like to rely on the therapist and no one else.

Maybe I’ll be able to visit my GP secretly but I’m concerned I might not be able to get CBT until after next September when I return to university and will be living alone (I’m taking a year out for covid-related reasons/internship reasons etc. many reasons). I worry I should be getting therapy earlier than this. 

Sorry for how overwrought this is, I’m thinking out loud. Does anyone have any ideas?

[Pikachu]

Does anyone have advice/input? I feel kind of scared to get therapy too, as I believe no therapist I get assigned will really understand OCD and could say something potentially triggering to me…

Also, is there anywhere to chat casually with other sufferers? I’m ignoring an OCD obsession right now and sometimes I just want to talk to someone but don’t want to use the forum to confess or else make a big post when a worry could be over soon

[snowbear]

3 hours ago, Pikachu said:

I believe no therapist I get assigned will really understand OCD and could say something potentially triggering to me…

It's true there is the occassional therapist who's not clued in on OCD, but the vast majority are. Fearing being triggered sounds like avoidance to me.

I understand your reluctance to tell your family. Unlike therapists families can be awkward about mental health issues. However, again, how much is your fear of a bad reception rather than actual problems with your family? If you could broach the subject with them it would make getting to therapy sooner a lot less stressful for you. You don't have to tell them details, if they persist with questions you persist with saying no more than you want to say!

3 hours ago, Pikachu said:

Also, is there anywhere to chat casually with other sufferers? I’m ignoring an OCD obsession right now and sometimes I just want to talk to someone but don’t want to use the forum to confess or else make a big post when a worry could be over soon

There's a chat room thread in the member's only area, but unfortunately as a bulletin board user rather than a paid-up member you can't access it. What about non-OCD friends or have you online friends you could chat to? Or find another way to distract yourself so the worry is over even sooner!

[Pikachu]

On 21/11/2021 at 20:59, snowbear said:

It's true there is the occassional therapist who's not clued in on OCD, but the vast majority are. Fearing being triggered sounds like avoidance to me.

I understand your reluctance to tell your family. Unlike therapists families can be awkward about mental health issues. However, again, how much is your fear of a bad reception rather than actual problems with your family? If you could broach the subject with them it would make getting to therapy sooner a lot less stressful for you. You don't have to tell them details, if they persist with questions you persist with saying no more than you want to say!

Hey Snowbear, thank you for the response! I will get therapy at some point when I become less busy and possibly when I live away from my parents again at the end of next year. I might try and get therapy sooner but I have quite a busy year next year as it is. 

Also! I’ve been struggling with groinal sensations a lot lately, or rather not a lot but more than I ever used to. I’ve just started attaching more worry to it and therefore it’s happening more, as you might expect. I understand, when I’ve calmed down that is, that I just need to approach it calmly and realise that if I stop focusing/worrying about these bodily sensations they will go away. But it’s so difficult in the moment to accept that. I wonder how best I should deal with it - turn to something else and become distracted? Or is that avoidance? 

I wonder how other people stopped worrying about these responses and overcame them. Once you took the plunge to really commit to not thinking about it, did you find it got better? After you took this leap of faith once did it become easier after a while? And how long did it take one you stopped worrying about bodily sensations to find they died down?

[snowbear]

6 hours ago, Pikachu said:

I wonder how best I should deal with it - turn to something else and become distracted? Or is that avoidance? 

Turning to something else and focus on that instead is a good distraction. Avoidance would be trying to push it aside while still ruminating on it.

 

6 hours ago, Pikachu said:

And how long did it take one you stopped worrying about bodily sensations to find they died down?

My OCD is on a different topic so I can't answer that one directly. I suspect it depends on the individual - how well they refocus and ignore the sensations, or whether they continue to give them meaning.

It's not just about committing to not thinking about them, it's also accepting they don't mean anything, so that when you do become aware of them you don't react or get drawn into ruminating. Just let them be and get on with other things.