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Obsessing over OCD?


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Hi everybody!

Over the last month or so I've been beginning to get help for my Pure OCD.

Whilst I was doing this on my own at first I now have a therapist although I'm at the very very start of CBT. I've noticed recently however, that I think I might be obsessing over how to treat my OCD more than the original OCD itself. I haven't been able to sit down and fully identify my full set of obsessions and compulsions with my therapist (that's next session). But I made a small list in my head when I started researching OCD, now I have constant doubt whether I have identified each correctly. I feel like I'm making myself worse, trying to sit with the anxiety of an intrusive thought and not engaging with it as I keep telling myself I can't say, go for a walk or read a book because I have to sit here and wait till the anxiety passes (it never does) so I'm stuck in this stasis of misery all day. I get confused between distracting and avoidance, even when I know I am distracting myself correctly my intrusive thoughts keep telling me I'm avoiding you have to stop and sit with anxiety! It's just making me more and more anxious because I also know you're not supposed to reassure yourself, so I'm never kind to myself, I never allow myself to say you'll get through this etc because I thought that's a form of reassurance but it's just making me more miserable and sad all the time? If I was right then surely after a month I should be seeing a decrease in the anxiety, but I've just gotten worse and now I'm having even more intrusive thoughts about different subjects. Now I keep thinking I'm never going to get over this, I'll get worse etc etc because I thought that was how you deal with doubt? and it's just developed into a new intrusive thought that I'm never meant to recover from OCD.

Sorry for the rambling post I just feel so low mood and feel like by identifying my condition as OCD I've just made myself worse. I feel like I can't live my life anymore. Has anyone dealt with something similar? I would appreciate some advice.

-Alyssa :))

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Hi Alyssa. Yes, you can have obsessions about recovery. Fairly common. As time progresses with the proper therapist, you'll learn how to deal with those thoughts too.

There is no perfect path to recovery. It's messy, with twists and turns. Have faith in the process and in yourself. 

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Hello Alyssa.  That was a good step for you to seek help from a therapist.  I have been in therapy for 6 months now and close to the final session.

I struggled after some sessions thinking I am not improving because I am still doing alot of checking.  But after a few sessions of therapy things did start to improve and I got more of my life back.  I realised it was not going to happen all at once.  Little by little my compulsions reduced.

My therapist and I agree on one thing - Rome wasn't built in a day.  I hope that you can at least see some small steps to recovery and little by little you will be able take control of you life again.

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Thank you for the responses @northpaul & @PolarBear

I understand recovery takes a while, I'm just am so motivated to get better it's frustrating I can't start working on it right away and by consequence seem to be worsening because of it. I think I have all the pieces of the puzzle just not the means to put them together yet and my OCD can't deal with that and I'm therefore beating myself up because of it. 

I'm glad therapy has worked out for you though northpaul I wish you luck on your last couple of sessions ?

 

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Pure OCD? What’s that? Pure O is just made up, it’s not a diagnosis.  It’s just GAD.  Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  
 

If you have continuous anxiety you should get a blood panel, it might give a clue. Thyroid hormones, for example.

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Hi my friend! I just wanted to put my two cents in re: avoidance and distraction. I think your misunderstanding of avoidance and distraction are contributing to your low mood--which is good, because it means that by changing a few things I think you may feel more in control. :)

21 hours ago, alyssa07 said:

I feel like I'm making myself worse, trying to sit with the anxiety of an intrusive thought and not engaging with it as I keep telling myself I can't say, go for a walk or read a book because I have to sit here and wait till the anxiety passes (it never does) so I'm stuck in this stasis of misery all day. I get confused between distracting and avoidance, even when I know I am distracting myself correctly my intrusive thoughts keep telling me I'm avoiding you have to stop and sit with anxiety!

This is a perfect example of mixing up avoidance and distraction. Avoidance is bad because it reinforces the anxiety and tells the brain that the OCD is important. Distraction, on the other hand, is good because it takes energy and attention away from the OCD and redirects it towards something else. This, over time, helps to weaken the OCD. So, when you are super anxious or experiencing intrusive thoughts, one of the best things you can do is to go for a walk, start another activity, anything that will take your mind elsewhere. You definitely don't want to just force yourself to sit with the thoughts and feelings--that sounds awful and pretty much a guarantee that you won't feel better! By, say, reading a book when confronted with intrusive thoughts, you're telling your brain, "chill, it's okay, we don't have to pay attention to this. It's okay to move on."

In contrast, avoidance is trying to avoid OCD triggers/anxiety. For example, someone with intrusive thoughts about violence and gore might choose to cancel their Halloween plans because they're afraid of seeing a costume that sets off their OCD. This sends their brain a message that their anxiety is valid and powerful, and thereby strengthens the OCD (and makes them miss out on a cool Halloween party!). 

Just remember that not engaging with intrusive thoughts and feelings is good, and is not the same thing as avoiding the OCD. 

22 hours ago, alyssa07 said:

It's just making me more and more anxious because I also know you're not supposed to reassure yourself, so I'm never kind to myself, I never allow myself to say you'll get through this etc because I thought that's a form of reassurance but it's just making me more miserable and sad all the time?

Reassurance can indeed be a compulsive behavior, and at its worst sends the person with OCD frantically trying to find answers from any source. Reassuring one's self can also become compulsive. However, I can't state this strongly enough: it is not black and white. Would it be good to feel the need to launch into a round of reassurances any time you had an intrusive thought? No, probably not. However, I believe that positive, encouraging self-talk, such as reminding yourself that this is OCD, you'll get through it, and so on, is not only good but actually necessary for recovery. I personally would not have gotten to where I am without encouraging myself frequently, and sometimes that does include reassuring myself that this situation will pass and that I have more control than I realize. So please please be kind to yourself, be loving, be reassuring and warm in your tone--I think you'll know when and if it tips over into compulsive behavior.

Hope that helps. :)

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Hi Alyssa07, 

You are so brave for identifying your Pure OCD and getting the help you need. 

I have known I've had OCD since I was 13 but only recently got help. At this point I had therapy and it did help, but for me Sertraline has proved more effective and gave me the strength to do the necessary ERP.

Good luck, I wish you all the best for this journey! You can do this.

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4 hours ago, Saffron37 said:

Hi my friend! I just wanted to put my two cents in re: avoidance and distraction. I think your misunderstanding of avoidance and distraction are contributing to your low mood--which is good, because it means that by changing a few things I think you may feel more in control. :)

This is a perfect example of mixing up avoidance and distraction. Avoidance is bad because it reinforces the anxiety and tells the brain that the OCD is important. Distraction, on the other hand, is good because it takes energy and attention away from the OCD and redirects it towards something else. This, over time, helps to weaken the OCD. So, when you are super anxious or experiencing intrusive thoughts, one of the best things you can do is to go for a walk, start another activity, anything that will take your mind elsewhere. You definitely don't want to just force yourself to sit with the thoughts and feelings--that sounds awful and pretty much a guarantee that you won't feel better! By, say, reading a book when confronted with intrusive thoughts, you're telling your brain, "chill, it's okay, we don't have to pay attention to this. It's okay to move on."

In contrast, avoidance is trying to avoid OCD triggers/anxiety. For example, someone with intrusive thoughts about violence and gore might choose to cancel their Halloween plans because they're afraid of seeing a costume that sets off their OCD. This sends their brain a message that their anxiety is valid and powerful, and thereby strengthens the OCD (and makes them miss out on a cool Halloween party!). 

Just remember that not engaging with intrusive thoughts and feelings is good, and is not the same thing as avoiding the OCD. 

Reassurance can indeed be a compulsive behavior, and at its worst sends the person with OCD frantically trying to find answers from any source. Reassuring one's self can also become compulsive. However, I can't state this strongly enough: it is not black and white. Would it be good to feel the need to launch into a round of reassurances any time you had an intrusive thought? No, probably not. However, I believe that positive, encouraging self-talk, such as reminding yourself that this is OCD, you'll get through it, and so on, is not only good but actually necessary for recovery. I personally would not have gotten to where I am without encouraging myself frequently, and sometimes that does include reassuring myself that this situation will pass and that I have more control than I realize. So please please be kind to yourself, be loving, be reassuring and warm in your tone--I think you'll know when and if it tips over into compulsive behavior.

Hope that helps. :)

:goodpost:

Excellent advice. Thought I'd quote it as it's so good it's worth saying it twice. :D

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Hello again everyone! Thank you for all your responses @Saffron37 <hug> as always for your excellent explanations I value them a lot. Also thanks @Hedgehog and @snowbearfor your comments?

I've definitely come to the conclusion my OCD has shifted from its initial obsession to OCD today. I had a thought about whether breathing during ERP was a compulsion and I think that was the last straw to realise I've let this go too far. I'm going to stop researching and coming on the forum as frequently now and just try to continue to live my life (not that I do much other than ruminate haha!) and wait till my next therapy session instead of rushing into solving the problem myself.

http://www.ocdspecialists.com/stacey-kuhl-wochner-lcsw-on-the-solving-ritual-in-ocd/

I hope no one minds me sharing this link but it's very insightful and was a bit of a light bulb moment for me! I think it's worth a read for anyone having the same problems when it comes to obsessing over OCD, or anyone in general really, so they can recognise the early signs in case they do start to obsess? 

I hope everyone has a lovely rest of their evening

-Alyssa :))

Edited by alyssa07
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Pure O is not GAD. 

GAD is Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which one person said was worrying about everything.

Pure O is a misnomer. It was thought to mean OCD without compulsions, but we know there are always compulsions with OCD. If anything, it actually means OCD with more covert compulsions, even though most sufferers have some overt compulsions.

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