Beating myself up over this and blaming myself

[Kcbell92]

Ive said many times before of the situation of my former gambling addiction but more to the point is my issue of being used by a “friend” who basically stole $40,000.00 from me and I can’t recover it. 
 

anyway, I obviously am over 3 months away from him recovering my finances and it’s growing faster then I ever imagined when I regained my ability to recover.

 

also, I continue to obsess over issues like worrying of my car issues which I really feel i am just overreacting on a basically non issue and because of that, I am obessing that it’ll cost Money and I’ll have to pay and it’s his fault for taking this money from me.

 

same goes for me thinking of making a probable at least $15-16k in 12 months from now and maybe even like $17-19k and if god forbid in my mind I have to spend to any less net worth then $15k, I’m saying it’s his fault and I’m like this because of him, when in reality tho I have to forgive myself and understand my issues with this, I’m partially at fault to for handing over the money 

[snowbear]

KC,

This entire post is one long rumination. You've mentioned all of this before, much of it word for word, so clearly it's playing in your head on a loop.

What have you tried to stop yourself from engaging with these kinds of thoughts?

[Kcbell92]

I’m trying to just understand that I made a mistake in life and I’m still young at just 29 years old till July 2022 firstly and secondly I look at it as I know I’ll get there to that amount and even if let’s say it takes 2-3 or 4 more months to reach that over $15k at least then so be it, I’m still growing net per month faster then most my age, especially being I am living on my own. 
 

I also try to be kind to myself and accepting that life happens and make the most out of what you got 

[snowbear]

You have some good ideas for acceptance there, now put them into practice. When you find yourself thinking about how you lost this money, or about making it back, or about the car, or about how much you might have to spend - all the things you ruminate over- practise self-forgiveness and let it go instead of engaging with the thoughts and making yourself upset.

[Kcbell92]

Yes like today I freaked out mentally after work because my car one side rattled for a few seconds After I backed out of my parking lot spot, and I had to drive up a bit it stopped then i broke it did it a couple more seconds but then it calmed down and I drove off and it didn’t really happen again. So now I’m freaking out that it’s a major issue with something in the car and why it’s doing that and googling what it could be and it says it’s a thing that could cost like $2000 or more to fix, but then I thought 

 

wait... it didn’t keep doing it and when it did  that it lasted a few seconds max, also it is cold here at night in New York, today was actually 50 at night but still it’s windy and gets colder with wind chill. And lastly, my cars had other more come and go things that seemed off but it didn’t last, so if this doesn’t last it’ll be a non issue like the other stuff 

[snowbear]

12 hours ago, Kcbell92 said:

it’ll be a non issue like the other stuff