Trying to find the exact source of my ocd (merged threads)

[Kcbell92]

I know that ive mentioned every aspect of my worrying and I’m not gonna detail it again now. 
 

I also realized that I’m wondering why this is happening exactly, like I said the worries of my financial situation losikg that money being taken advantage of and also increasing that into worries of my car apparent issue and other things

like worrying about It during work  stuff and I mean like obsessing over how I’ll get through my extra shifts with these burdens and why I’m even having these detailed burdens and why I need to depend on friends and peer support to help me more then myself helping me 

I don’t want to be like this anymore but it keeps coming back 

[PolarBear]

The source of your OCD is that you take your obsessions seriously and do compulsions. 

[Kcbell92]

I read your other post and I’m gonna look into going back on Luvox which I used to have and it helped, Yss I owe the doctors office $450 bc I didn’t have insurance at the time but I think with the money I built up I need to get it by the end of this month 

[Kcbell92]

I also began worrying and overthinking heavily because I have a small bump in my groin area, and it seems like a cyst but I’m over worrying and detailing the reasons to believe it’s a cyst, I’m continuing to overthink it’s cancer right away and freaking out mentally even tho it’s hinting that it’s just a typical cyst in that area. I can’t take this anymore 

[Mthecatlady]

Is there anything you can do to occupy your mind so you’re not checking your body and ruminating? 
I’m struggling with ruminating myself tonight so I know how difficult it is. 
 

[Kcbell92]

I just started to turn my attention to positive thinking and really that this issue isn’t really an issue, it’s most likely another cyst situation like all the others, 1 possible outcome is cancer and like 8 others is just a cyst at worst case treatable if it increases 

[Mthecatlady]

Are you finding yourself googling? I’m terrible for it. 
Try to let the thought sit. Accept its there but maybe suggest to yourself you will deal with it later. Then focus on something different

[Handy]

No, don’t accept it’s there have a doctor look at it.  It’s so much easier to treat small.  If it’s not attached to anything that’s good. Cysts are squishy.  I have a fat tumor, very common, harmless.  
 

OCD is not about avoiding necessary doctor visits. 

[Kcbell92]

Well it’s in the scrotum let’s just say, but I’ll get it checked out soon, it probably will be fine and if checked out now it won’t be a big deal because it will be treated at worst case before it gets worse if it is a big deal which it probably isn’t 

[Kcbell92]

For some reason I have random jolts or inner anxiety nerves and it’s oddly off and on, I mean ive told my story 10 times already of me giving money away and then worrying about finances because of it. In dont feel many lasting nerves but idk why I suffer from this especiallY when there isn’t any particular issue on my Mind, just general thoughts 

[PolarBear]

Starting new threads about every perceived problem is not helping you.

Can you try to take a break, rrlax and get your mind on something else?

[Kcbell92]

I’m trying to turn my mind to more positive straightforward thinking because I began feeling that spot with the little bump and trying to detail if it’s bigger at all in any way and meanwhile, it doesn’t really feel it but I’m thinking it’s slightly bigger bc my mind is Wanting me to I guess and then I’m worried it hurts bc i felt something non painful and thinking it was painful anyway

[Kcbell92]

I need to relax and grasp strength on myself 

[Kcbell92]

I’m beginning to think these days that I need more self confidence in myself too, instead of depending on other people’s reassurance with issues I have and expecting a quick speedy informative response too. Like with my bump, it doesn’t feel bigger weeks later and worrying it is bigger still for some reason and over obsessing I’ll die soon. 

[Handy]

The doctor would cut it out. 30 minutes on a table.  I did it 6 times already. 
 

To answer the topic. I believe most OCD began during an event & the person needed reassurance but didn’t get it. Maybe their mom required reassurance instead. So they gave their mom reassurance.  So a person with OCD is always looking for this reassurance or certainty.  They must be content with uncertainty.

[Kcbell92]

Okay, that isn’t bad, and it’s probably not cancer tho I’ll have it checked in a month or so anyway. Starting new health insurance next month. 
 

as for my original ocd origins, that is how it began actually because it started as an old friend I had After a while, we had a very close connection because he used to make films with me and that was my loving passion in my late teens early 20s. Then when he like turned against me at that time and strung me along and avoided me and so on, it made me worry about losing future friends in over detail and then I met another friend and he just turned out to be a complete using friend with no intention of being there for me. So I was drawing stlll indirect comparisons, and that friend that used me was also based off the wanting new friends and to prove that wasn’t true with old friends thing

[Kcbell92]

Then I’m worrying bc im not sure if I can actually afford the new health insurance next month and have to wait another let’s say 4-5 months, even if I pay my med dr out of pocket for one more time and get the meds on good rx, that I’ll die in the meantime because I have no health insurance until the next few months. 
 

I have to realize it’s silly but I can’t stop thinking it. 

[Kcbell92]

I was worrying heavily again for half the day today that my one side of my car (drivers side) for some reason felt lower then the passengers, there I went analyzing details of like the inches difference possibly of the drivers and the passengers doors windows and dashboard. I’m envisioning it in my head now and hour before I leave work worse then it probably is by far. 
 

It has to be my mind overthinking and Over stating it, like it’s a worst case Scenario thing 

[PolarBear]

How's that working out for you?

[Kcbell92]

You mean my worrying or the car or both?

[PolarBear]

You spent a half day ruminating on whether your car was level or not. Did that accomplish anything? Did you feel better after? Did all that work end the problem or does it still exist?

[Kcbell92]

No I accomplished nothing but stressing myself out and in the end it wasn’t an issue and I’m over it because it’s fine. And I feel silly at myself 

[Kcbell92]

Tonight I suddenly have the worry and thought to that my car is jerking to much when I break but I am countering it with the realization it’s not often and it’s not even hard jerking when it happens and it’s just in head from the couple times it did happen when driving and my mind makes me think it was at every brake and it was really brutal jerking 

[PolarBear]

5 hours ago, Kcbell92 said:

No I accomplished nothing but stressing myself out and in the end it wasn’t an issue and I’m over it because it’s fine. And I feel silly at myself 

Remember that. It didn't just not do anything this time. It never works.

So maybe the next obsession to come along you can change the way you respond. Like, think, eh whatever, and focus back onto whatever you were doing.

[Kcbell92]

Yes I am trying to begin using that tactic and also using the tactic of realizing that my worries won’t even result in anything and ending it there in my mind, not ruminating on it