Hit and run OCD

[Mthecatlady]

I’ve just got myself into such a panic. I was driving home and it’s dark and raining heavily. I turned into a side street and there was a parked car on my side and another car coming out of the side street, so I slowed right down. A pedestrian was making his way across and I moved once he was crossing the other side. I drove the few meters to my own street then had this terrible thought I may have hit him. As it was dark and there was rain I didn’t have the certainty of seeing him walking away. Though to be honest even in daylight he could well have been around the corner quickly enough. 
I parked on my driveway and walked back and couldn’t see anyone lying in the road or anything. But I didn’t turn the corner to the main road where the pedestrian was heading. I went home but decided to go back out and check a few minutes later. I walked back on both sides of the road and up the main road and couldn’t see anything untoward. No ambulances or police or anything. It’s also a busy area with takeaways and an off licence so lots of people around too. 
I looked all over my car and there’s nothing on there at all. I definitely didn’t feel anything but I almost feel physically sick thinking there may be a chance I could have harmed someone and driven away. 
How do I stop this? The doctor said I might feel worse on my new citalopram. 
I’ve worried about health less today so it seems driving has taken over. 

[Kcbell92]

I get like that to with certain things. Always looking back retracing my steps and over analyzing every angle to handle my worries and try to reassure myself but most times it increases the worry and the rumination and therefore more anxiety. I realized when u dont urge yourself to tackle an issue in many ways especially if there’s known evidence nothing happened, just let it Play our and know your life isn’t at risk your safety isn’t and in the case your sanity isn’t. You’ll be ok I suffer a lot to

[PolarBear]

How you stop this is stop falling for OCD'S bag of tricks.

Going back and looking was a compulsion. Going back a second time was a compulsion. Checking your car for damage was a compulsion. All the ruminating you have been doing is a compulsion.

You think you have to do these compulsions so you feel better but it doesn't work. Do you feel better now that you've done all these compulsions? Of course not!

Compulsions make things worse. They result in more intrusive thoughts, more doubt, more anxiety.

There was a perfectly acceptable alternative to what you did... dismiss the thoughts as junk and leave them alone.

[Mthecatlady]

The compulsions don’t work. They just raise more questions. There’s a brief satisfaction but then the OCD finds another way to get to me.  

If I knew for sure I’d done something I’d do everything I should do. I think it’s the nagging doubt telling me that I may have done something and as I haven’t ‘confessed’ I will end up in a whole heap of trouble. I can’t exactly go to the police station and say ‘I know I didn’t hit anyone but I keep worrying I might have’. 
It is almost a relief that this isn’t unique. I have to drive for work but since the pandemic I’ve gone from 800 miles a week to around 80 if I’m lucky. I’m determined to keep driving as normal and not let my OCD stop me. 

[Mthecatlady]

I went out to see customers this morning and found the drive so nerve wracking. I was nervous about one pedestrian who stopped at the pavement as I drove by. I was nervous about squeezing between a tight space and then going past a parked car. 
It seems to be at slower speeds - 30mph or less that I’m more nervous. 
My therapist said I have assumed an impossible role of responsibility for some adult family members, so when I worry about coming to any harm I also worry about not being able to take care of them or that I’d let them down somehow. It seems driving is linked as I worry about not only hitting someone/thing but not realising I did and facing much worse consequences, which would cause me to let myself and my family down and my ability to help. 
The doctor did warn me that increasing my citalopram could make me a little more anxious for a week or so, so hopefully I will start to relax a little more soon.

 

[Agrippina]

I suffer badly from this type of OCD fear. It is incredibly difficult but it is very important not to stop and do any checking. Over time you learn slowly that these are OCD fears and not memories of things that have actually happened. I know that doesn't sound very helpful but it does gradually help to lessen the hold these fears have on you.

[Mthecatlady]

Thanks @Agrippina

Compulsions always make any OCD thought worse don’t they. I’m making a real effort not to give in to compulsions. I feel so much better when I just carry on with my day and don’t get bogged down in rumination and googling. 
Rumination is what really gets me anxious, so I have to nip it in the bud to stop it growing. 

[Benny]

On 04/12/2021 at 19:08, Mthecatlady said:

I’ve just got myself into such a panic. I was driving home and it’s dark and raining heavily. I turned into a side street and there was a parked car on my side and another car coming out of the side street, so I slowed right down. A pedestrian was making his way across and I moved once he was crossing the other side. I drove the few meters to my own street then had this terrible thought I may have hit him. As it was dark and there was rain I didn’t have the certainty of seeing him walking away. Though to be honest even in daylight he could well have been around the corner quickly enough. 
I parked on my driveway and walked back and couldn’t see anyone lying in the road or anything. But I didn’t turn the corner to the main road where the pedestrian was heading. I went home but decided to go back out and check a few minutes later. I walked back on both sides of the road and up the main road and couldn’t see anything untoward. No ambulances or police or anything. It’s also a busy area with takeaways and an off licence so lots of people around too. 
I looked all over my car and there’s nothing on there at all. I definitely didn’t feel anything but I almost feel physically sick thinking there may be a chance I could have harmed someone and driven away. 
How do I stop this? The doctor said I might feel worse on my new citalopram. 
I’ve worried about health less today so it seems driving has taken over. 

Hi there. 
“Hit and Run” OCD is a very common theme suffered by lots of people. 
The citalopram will make you more anxious initially for the first 2 -3 weeks and thus the OCD symptoms too. 
But even through that , you will have “glimpses” of peace as the medicine begins to work .

 

[Handy]

Just don’t go back & accept your uncertainty & it’ll diminish on its own.  Odd thing about this is you’ll just find a new theme.  It’s really about using your neocortex not your amygdala.