Please help me with Intrusive Images & Videos

[mmpp]

Hello!

When I watch a video on Youtube for example, looking at random photos or just a movie my brain remembers some scenes ( video clips and photos ) that trigger my ocd theme and later on when I do the things I'm scared of ( exposures ) my brain sends me these images and videos and the anxiety is so high at the moment because I don't know if the object ( the trigger ) in the videos or images my brain send me is real or false. I start to question myself If I saw the object ( what triggers my ocd theme ) in the images, videos in the real life . I don't know if I explained well.

If I do exposure and for example everything is fine when I'm done with the exposure and then just watch some video or a photo and my brain asks me what if I saw that object in the real life? Sometimes I need to remembers a particular trigger and before I do exposure I say I saw that object before doing exposure so if my brain send me that trigger ( in photo / video variant ) I will make the trigger weak because I saw it before doing exposure. It's like that:

 * Me doing Exposure
- OCD - Sends me intrusive images, clips.
- Also OCD - Maybe you saw that object( what triggers me ) in the real world? ( OCD sends me what triggers me from watching videos, photos ).
- Me - No I didn't If I did I will know it?
- OCD - But what if you saw it? If you didn't why I know exactly how the object looks? If you didn't saw it you won't know how it looks.

- Me - I didn't! I think I saw that object in some website as a photo or video. If I did I must know...
- OCD - But why I remember this images video so real like it really happened in the real life?

And that never stops...If I don't respond to OCD the anxiety gets very high...

My compulsion is to remember every scene , photo and if the brain sends me this intrusive images I know where I saw it and the anxiety is less. Also I save some photos that trigger me, same with the videos. Also I avoid watching videos movies playing games because I'm scared when I do the exposure my brain will send me these images videos and If I don't know where I saw them I will be so anxious...

I can't watch movies and just browsing websites like before... Almost all these videos, photos are triggers for me. If I don't do exposure the there's no problem the images videos come but I don't feel anxiety because I didn't do the exposure. I really want to watch movies like before and that's all. It's like I know all these signals are false and every time it feels so real...

Please help me. I suffer from Responsibility, Hit and Run OCD, Harm OCD.

[ThomasOCD]

I had a similar problem with seeing things with the corner of my eyes and Pareidolia when I was scared to go crazy. Best way was to let it be for a moment and do not care and it will go away, thats what I did I was alywas like „yeah whatever it’s ocd” amd I didn’t care After few days it went away.

[mmpp]

4 hours ago, ThomasOCD said:

I had a similar problem with seeing things with the corner of my eyes and Pareidolia when I was scared to go crazy. Best way was to let it be for a moment and do not care and it will go away, thats what I did I was alywas like „yeah whatever it’s ocd” amd I didn’t care After few days it went away.

Thanks for the advice! It's really hard to dismiss everything what my brain says. The problem is I don't know how to recognize the real thought & the OCD thought. 

Yes, what my brain says can turn into a reality it's possible but the change is very very low. It's like I think there's a problem but there's really not a problem.

If you can share resources to watch or read about OCD would be amazing. The more we know how OCD works it's better.

[mmpp]

Anymore tips please?

[snowbear]

Hi mmpp,

On 07/12/2021 at 12:53, mmpp said:

The more we know how OCD works it's better.

  Totally agree. So, let's see if we can help you get a better understanding of what's going on, and where you might be going wrong.

 

On 07/12/2021 at 07:26, mmpp said:

I suffer from Responsibility, Hit and Run OCD, Harm OCD.

I understand these are the themes which trigger your anxiety, but here's tip number one - it's all just OCD!

The theme doesn't matter. That's important to understand because it helps you recognise your problem isn't about responsibility, harm etc. The problem is how you react to intrusive thoughts.

Any thought on any topic could be a trigger, now or in the future, so if you learn how to overcome your OCD rather than focus on the topic you'll always have the tools available to stop it in its tracks should a new theme emerge.

 

On 07/12/2021 at 07:26, mmpp said:

f I do exposure and for example everything is fine when I'm done with the exposure and then just watch some video or a photo and my brain asks me what if I saw that object in the real life? Sometimes I need to remembers a particular trigger and before I do exposure I say I saw that object before doing exposure so if my brain send me that trigger ( in photo / video variant ) I will make the trigger weak because I saw it before doing exposure.

You've got confused about what doing exposures means. Exposures aren't 'whenever you watch to watch something that triggers you'. They are part of a behavioural experiment, done in a controlled way and - very, very importantly - you also resist the compulsions.

 

Quote

before I do exposure I say I saw that object before doing exposure

This is a compulsion. You're trying to get reassurance the trigger isn't real by preparing yourself before watching a video. Far from weakening the trigger what that does is teach your brain the trigger is something you should genuinely be anxious about and be on high alert for next time.

On 07/12/2021 at 07:26, mmpp said:

* Me doing Exposure
- OCD - Sends me intrusive images, clips.
- Also OCD - Maybe you saw that object( what triggers me ) in the real world? ( OCD sends me what triggers me from watching videos, photos ).
- Me - No I didn't If I did I will know it?
- OCD - But what if you saw it? If you didn't why I know exactly how the object looks? If you didn't saw it you won't know how it looks.

- Me - I didn't! I think I saw that object in some website as a photo or video. If I did I must know...
- OCD - But why I remember this images video so real like it really happened in the real life?

This internal discussion is another compulsion. It's called rumination. Ruminating is where you think about the problem and try to figure something out - but there's no certainty to the solution so you go over and over it arguing with yourself.

On 07/12/2021 at 07:26, mmpp said:

My compulsion is to remember every scene , photo and if the brain sends me this intrusive images I know where I saw it and the anxiety is less.

Yup, you got this one.  Another compulsion!

On 07/12/2021 at 07:26, mmpp said:

I save some photos that trigger me, same with the videos.

Another compulsion.

On 07/12/2021 at 07:26, mmpp said:

I avoid watching videos movies playing games

And another

So just from this piece you've written it's clear you're doing lots of compulsions, and even what you consider 'exposures' is actually more compulsions and the opposite of what you would be taught to do in CBT.

CBT starts with the cognitive side. You need to learn that the meaning you give these triggers (intusive thoughts) is wrong. A therapist will talk you through how your thoughts (obsessions and meanings) , feelings (anxiety) and behaviours (compulsions)  interact and guide you through changing them to break the OCD cycle.

Then you do proper exposures as a behavioural experiment where you watch your video and don't do any compulsions at all when you get triggered. The idea is to sit with the anxiety until it falls and teach your brain the 'trigger' wasn't something to fear like you thought after all. 

Have you been referred for CBT?   Or you could start with a self-help book which explains the CBT process.

 

 

[mmpp]

33 minutes ago, snowbear said:

Hi mmpp,

  Totally agree. So, let's see if we can help you get a better understanding of what's going on, and where you might be going wrong.

 

I understand these are the themes which trigger your anxiety, but here's tip number one - it's all just OCD!

The theme doesn't matter. That's important to understand because it helps you recognise your problem isn't about responsibility, harm etc. The problem is how you react to intrusive thoughts.

Any thought on any topic could be a trigger, now or in the future, so if you learn how to overcome your OCD rather than focus on the topic you'll always have the tools available to stop it in its tracks should a new theme emerge.

 

You've got confused about what doing exposures means. Exposures aren't 'whenever you watch to watch something that triggers you'. They are part of a behavioural experiment, done in a controlled way and - very, very importantly - you also resist the compulsions.

 

This is a compulsion. You're trying to get reassurance the trigger isn't real by preparing yourself before watching a video. Far from weakening the trigger what that does is teach your brain the trigger is something you should genuinely be anxious about and be on high alert for next time.

This internal discussion is another compulsion. It's called rumination. Ruminating is where you think about the problem and try to figure something out - but there's no certainty to the solution so you go over and over it arguing with yourself.

Yup, you got this one.  Another compulsion!

Another compulsion.

And another

So just from this piece you've written it's clear you're doing lots of compulsions, and even what you consider 'exposures' is actually more compulsions and the opposite of what you would be taught to do in CBT.

CBT starts with the cognitive side. You need to learn that the meaning you give these triggers (intusive thoughts) is wrong. A therapist will talk you through how your thoughts (obsessions and meanings) , feelings (anxiety) and behaviours (compulsions)  interact and guide you through changing them to break the OCD cycle.

Then you do proper exposures as a behavioural experiment where you watch your video and don't do any compulsions at all when you get triggered. The idea is to sit with the anxiety until it falls and teach your brain the 'trigger' wasn't something to fear like you thought after all. 

Have you been referred for CBT?   Or you could start with a self-help book which explains the CBT process.

 

 

No I didn't. Thank you for the great response. I read some self help books but it would be nice if you suggest me the best books about OCD. It can be videos, Youtube channels as well.

 

I know I do a lot of compulsion. It was even more before a couple of months ago. I avoid driving and now I know that's wrong. Because the thoughts keeps coming, yes the anxiety is not like before but it's still there.

 

When I don't do the things I'm scared of it's like I'm free from OCD. I can watch movies, play games, view photos etc. But if at that moment I need to go and drive for example everything I watched my brain will send me all this images, thought and make me doubt if something bad happened or not. If I don't remember where I saw that photo for example the anxiety is so high that I think what the thought says is real. How to deal with this?

 

How to deal with the doubt, the uncertainty? What ifs, did that happened or not etc... Every signal I ever received from OCD is false but it everytime it feels so real.

 

OCD restrict my life so much...It keeps me away from the things I like to do. I like to drive, to play video games, watch movies & videos. I can't just keep avoiding everything because If I avoid driving today the next time my OCD will tell me to do the same thing. And how I'm supposed to go to work for example?

 

I need to change my reaction to the thoughts, the intrusive images, videos... But I can't separate a real thought and a OCD thought. Yes some people say that there's no OCD thoughts there's just thoughts but what I watch ( videos, photos ) that triggers me is mainly related to my OCD themes. At the moment I watch a video and I see a trigger my ocd bring me anxiety and if I do a compulsion ( save the photo video ) the anxiety goes away. But that's happening so often then I stop watching totally.... If I don't save the photo video it brings that image video to the real life to the exposures I'm doing... And I don't know if that happened or not...

 

I know know what's real and what's fake and that really is a big problem for me.

Sometimes I do exposures with less compulsions but sometimes If a do exposure I do a lot of compulsions as well. OCD feels so real...

 

[mmpp]

I can't play games or watch videos for example 10 minutes before doing exposure. Because I'm scared of the intrusive images and then I will not be able to know if I saw that image in the real world or not... It's the same after I do the exposure... I just know I didn't saw that but OCD make it feel so real.

 

If I know I won't do any exposures for a day or two then I can watch movies, play games etc. Because I know if I don't do exposures ( the things I'm scared of ) then if the intrusive thoughts and images come they will have no effect because I didn't expose myself to my fear. I know that is wrong but it feels so good for the moment. But in the long term is not good because some day I will need to expose myself to the things I fear and then I'm not going to be able to manage it...